I believe this to be an opportune time to present some links, which you will perhaps click, in hopes that my promises of entertainment will be fulfilled.

Let us hope together.

– To begin, here is a stupid yet entertaining video that Chris Bosh made asking for All-Star votes. I urge you all to oblige, but I also urge Chris Bosh himself to first stop playing like a little bitch. 43.6% from the floor will not get you into New Orleans.

– So I found this 10 Puppies vs Cat video which is an absolute farce of YouTube versus videos, and it makes me want to like file a grievance of some sort against the video submitter for false advertising or titling or whatever. It’s five minutes and thirty seconds of lies. Lies upon lies upon thousands of lies! There is not a single point throughout this video that would actually fit the title of “10 Puppies vs Cat” – the bill of goods this sold turned out to be bad. Where is the ominous cello music and the British narrator!?! This is some bullshit!

– This is a “time travel theory/project” available for $10 million on eBay. I didn’t really read through it because the weird capitalization pattern hurts my eyes and makes me want to vomit, but don’t let that stop you. What I’m most surprised here is that there’s no type of crystal technology involved here, which I thought was generally a staple in time travel…stuff.

– Dad at Comedy Barn is an odd video that’s like a big, smelly, comedy onion to me. Yeah, the creepy old man with the weird laugh is good for some chuckles, but the thing that amuses me the most is the guy just completely and utterly derails the routine for a solid six or seven minutes. I just keeps going and going and going…beyond the point of ridiculousness, and it reaches some territory or zone of lunacy that only exists on an abstract, metaphysical level. It gets to the point midway through it where you’re just horrified and openly questioning the existence of God above, wondering why any intelligent deity could ever allow a world to exist where something like this is possible. The part where you can just see it breaking down at the beginning…you just won’t believe the depths of the horror it precedes. HE JUST DOESN’T STOP LAUGHING.

– TBS is a dangerous channel for me, and although I can’t blame it directly for forcing me to do things like…watch What Women Want back-to-back for four straight hours or jack up my watch count of Legally Blonde into the teens…it’s still what allows me to do these things to myself, and thus it remains an everlasting danger to my personal psychological health and well being. What’s surprising to me though is that I’ve made absolutely no effort to recognize that danger. Today I was blessed with In Good Company (here is the trailer), which remains as one of my personal favourites. A couple years back, I went through this really weird week during which I became like fanatically obsessed with Scarlett Johannson, and tried to purge it out of my system by watching Ghost World, The Perfect Score, The Island, and In Good Company all consecutively without break. …I think it was a Saturday. Suffice to say, the experience shattered my mind into a million glimmering pieces…but I think I actually enjoyed In Good Company and it still holds after two rewatches. It’s got Scarlett Johansson and Solsbury Hill – I didn’t stand a goddamn chance.

Anyway.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one in the world that had a bizarrely unusual affection for this movie…because while I was searching for that “trailor” on YouTube, I found another version of it…only reedited with clips from The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride. Here is the “In Good Lion Company Trailer”.

I-I…I have no words with which to describe this.

“Joan, how could you lie to me?”
“Abe, try to understand, I -“
“Oh, I understand. You sold us all a bill of goods, and those goods turned out to be bad. Then you sold me up the river.”
“That may be, but I sent you up that river with my heart as a paddle!”
“But you took that paddle, and smacked me in the face, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, so when I wiped my face, I got heart all over it.”