I have no idea why I wrote “50 centilitre” yesterday. I know that I originally meant to write “12 mL” because that’s how big they actually are…but somehow “50 centilitere” came out instead. 50 cL (500 mL) is larger than a pop can, so it’s really not that close at all.

Let’s just move on and put all this nasty business behind us.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that my life had became a Coke commercial this afternoon. I was taking quick stroll outside this afternoon to enjoy the wonderful weather, and while walking back to my desk, the sudden unavoidable urge to sip a nice cold refreshing Coca-Cola brand beverage seized me like a rabid dog and wouldn’t let go. There’s no vending machine on our floor, so with loonie in hand, I took the elevator down a level and checked the vending machine there. I arrived to see that they were sold out.

Oh well. Walked over to the other side of the floor to the other vending machine. Sold out.

Panic set in. I knew that there was another vending machine another level down, so I took the elevator down again, the whole time consumed with in hand-wrining, toe-tapping anxiety. I walked to where the vending machine’s supposed to be…and it’s gone. The entire machine. It’s just not there any more. WHAT IS GOING ON!?!

So I went downstairs and bought it from the nice Korean convenience store.

Life is so much more gratifying when your expectations are low and your goals are so easily attainable, is it not? And while I waited in the lobby for another elevator that would take me back up to my office, contently sipping my cold can of Coke…of course…in walks a man with a can of Pepsi. We make quick eye contact…and for a moment, I think we almost throw down.

And then I realize that I’m not actually living in a Coke commercial and that I am retarded.

A few links I want to bring to your attention…

– Trailer for Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Downey Jr, and directed by Guy Richie. Three elements, which individually, sound good…but when combined…raises some doubt. (If you’ll hold on for a second, I am going to attempt to force an atrocious metaphor into this space.) I mean, I like whipped cream…I like chocolate syrup…I like Jessica Alba…but does that mean I’d enjoy sticking my dick in a fudge sundae while watching Honey? No, of course not. (Yes, of course, I would.) Anyway, the point is…I am probably going to watch this movie.

– The University of Florida has just published a new study that shows mockingbirds will attack humans if they’ve approached and threatened a mockingbird nest for five days in a row. Well that’s good to know. I’m glad they’re putting all that great grant money to use by paying people to shout at birds for a week, instead of the usual bullshit like cancer or AIDS or whatever.

– While walking up Yonge today, I noticed a banner outside of Zanzibar advertising a lunch special for $4.99 ($10 lap dance not included). There’s no link here, I just want to figure out how I can walk into this place for the lunch special while avoiding the regular stereotypical associations of a guy that visits a strip club in the middle of a weekday. Because $4.99 for lunch is pretty good, especially for downtown. I mean yeah, pizza at The Big Slice is only $4.75 next door…but what if I don’t want pizza?

I’ll push in the place where you came out as a baby
Ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy