Things Which I Do Not Like, Volume 1

You know how sometimes when you get a donut from Tim Hortons and they put it in that thin paper bag? Sometimes if I get a donut with icing on it and I accidentally leave it in there for too long, some of the icing gets stuck to the bag when I rip it out. I do not like that very much.

Also, “donuts” is in Firefox’s default spellchecker dictionary but “donut” is not? How is this even possible? Has the whole world gone crazy? Like I get if it recognizes “doughnut” but not “donut”…but then why have “donuts” in there? I do not like that!

Grapes with seeds in them. Man, what a dumb idea. Who invented them? Who was the guy who looked at a grape and was all like “Man, I wish this seedless grape had seeds in it.” What an idiot. Am I right? I do not like grapes with seeds in them.

…not being a major league pitcher and being able to throw 98 mph fastballs at Derek Jeter’s boyishly handsome face? I guess I don’t like not being able to do that very much as well.

I don’t know, I didn’t really think out this post very well at all before I started it, and now I’m not really sure where to go with it. I wonder if there is any correlation the length of time between new posts and the quality of the first post that immediately follows these periods?

– There is a song on the new Bon Jovi album called Live Before You Die. That…is…AWESOME. I don’t think it’s a single though, too bad. But God, anthem rock is so great. Which is the bigger surprise? This, or that the new Clipse single is about cocaine?

– Have you ever wondered what a bear looks like with no hair? God knows I have. Though in all seriousness, that is pretty terrifying.

– Are we all watching It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia yet? Because you guys need to catch up on this new season, it is really clicking along. This 10 second long clip of a cat walking across a table in Kitten Mittens alone is killing me, I can’t stop watching it. There are absolutely no redeeming qualities in any of the main characters, there’s no overall plot to the episodes, no storylines are ever advanced, you can’t relate to any of the characters because they’re all so insane, the straight man jumps around in any given scene, and every episode is essentially the same. There’s really no conventional reason for you to return week after week, and yet I do. It is the funniest show on television by a wide margin and I can’t figure out why.

– I know I posted some Motivational Wolf bits already, but I think there are some new ones scattered among here…? And if not, just enjoy them all again.

– Man, is this commercial fantastic or what?

– Is this adult contemporary superstar Manny Pacquiao fighting a giant crab (among other things) in the trailer of this wacky Filipino movie called Wapakman? …pretty sure it is, why do I ask myself questions I already know the answer to!?!

Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria in your stomach.