We Can’t Repel Flavour Of That Magnitude

Is it ironic that the first time I’ve posted in almost two weeks is now when I’ve finally returned to work? Or is it just…appropriate? I didn’t even go anywhere, I just sat around at home for 11 straight days sleeping in until 2:30 in the afternoon, pondering the futility of my own existence. Really, the only truly productive thing I accomplished on my “vacation” was when I managed to procrastinate all of my Christmas shopping until three days before Christmas, my last day off from work…and my brother and I managed to completely finish our entire list of 20+ people in under three hours across three malls, all with surprisingly solid gifts. I have a feeling that feat’s going to remain unbeaten for a while, like when I blew through airport security and ran across all of Pearson International in 30 minutes to get to the gate right before departure (disclaimer: I was solo, with no check-in luggage), drove from my house to AL’s in 13 minutes (this was during the first year of my G2 when I didn’t grasp human mortality yet – I hit like 110 going up Warden, it was insane), or when I scored 5 out of our team’s 7 points in one of our basketball pick-up games (entirely on offensive putbacks/garbage baskets and wide open jumpers). Although the last one MIGHT happen again if I’m guarded by David (any of them), Rod, or Dennis. Jesus Christ, those guys are terrible.

I certainly didn’t stop wasting my life away on the internet in my time off – I devoured a massive amount of mental junkfood, which I will just dump out here. Some of these are already a few days (weeks?) old so I’m just going to forget about rationing them out over a series of regular posts, and I’m opting to completely oversaturate my single post with them instead. If we move quickly and don’t linger too much, we may all survive this.

Ready? LET’S GO!

– Check out the World Extreme Cagefighting debut of Chris Horodecki, who hails from London, Ontario and is nicknamed “The Polish Hammer” (not to be confused with the 70’s wrestling superstar Ivan Putski or Orlando Magic center Marcin Gortant, who are both also nicknamed “The Polish Hammer”). How he did not instantly die from that I will never know. Good to see Steve Mazzagatti once again at the top of his game as well.

– This is probably the most bizarre news story I’ve seen in a long while – honestly the first time through I thought people had hacked the Times or something. Forest ninja, cat burglar, pizza lover. Can’t wait to watch the movie in three years.

– Another movie that I can’t wait to watch…Frozen – the story of three skiers who are “stranded on a chairlift and forced to make life-or-death choices that prove more perilous than staying put and freezing to death.” I think those are wolves in the trailer? Holy shit that is awesome. (Or IS it? I don’t even know anymore. …help me.)

– Left 4 Dead 2 gingerbread cookies, a periodic table made of cupcakes, Cookie Monster and Rammstein, a Pokemon calculus test answer, and The TV Show – an animated Japanese music video that is really cool. Don’t linger, keep moving! STAY WITH ME!!!

– This is a whole gallery of pictures of a blackboard daily specials sign from some random coffee shop, whose location I have not been able to determine as of yet. Although the one reference to “The Coalition” and the spelling of “flavour” would obviously reveal some Canadian origin. Even just the first one alone is worth the click.
EDIT: It is in Edmonton. My internet detective/stalking skills remain as sharp as ever.

– Ledge Fighters and The Decision from some guys named Ninja Sex Party. We need to get one of those dummies, seriously.

– I’ve lost count of all the ways in which Tim Duncan is awesome, but let’s add Having The Most Ballin’est Shoes In The NBA to the list. Kevin Durant, not so much.

– Finally, I’m going to introduce two new shows to you. The first is Louie CK’s return to television, Louie, featuring easily the longest and most offensive trailer I have ever seen for a television series. The next is The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret, a new British series that is written by and stars David Cross, whose first episode features former television-brother-in-law Will Arnett doing vintage Will Arnett things, Spike Jonze with a beard, and some other British people that I’m not familiar with. How do I know this? Because I watched a chunk of the first episode here. And then later I watched the rest of the episode by downloading it here.

Brian has an STD