Cito Gaston Ruined My Life

It’s weird – I was so vehemently against the rehiring of Cito Gaston as the manager of the Blue Jays when he returned in 2008, and so critical of all his on-field decisions throughout the seasons he was here that I don’t feel I have a right to get caught up in his (allegedly) final retirement. And yet, I have. I mean afterall, this is the man who managed the Toronto Blue Jays to numerous division titles and winning seasons in the franchise’s glory years, and the singular most recognizable team icon from those days. This includes two consecutive World Series championships, which are pretty much the direct reasons I continue to torture myself today as a Blue Jays fan, and really, as a sports fan in general.

The alternate universe in which I wasn’t ever interested in sports would certainly be quite different, I think.

And honestly, what do I know? I posted this six months ago…

Am I ready for Jose Bautista and his career .329 OBP batting lead-off, and seeing Vernon Wells and his limp dick 88 OPS+ drive him in from the clean-up spot? YOU BETCHA!

Jose Bautista, of course, ended up having the greatest single offensive season in franchise history, smashing a ridiculous 54 home runs this year, and will likely end up as a top three in MVP candidate. Oh, and Vernon also had a 127 OPS+, the third most production season of his career, best since 2007.

(An interesting quick bit regarding Bautista…HitTracker notes that he lead the AL in “just enough” home runs, which are homers that just barely clear the fence. However, when you hit 54 homers, there’ll be homers in every category. And sure enough, he also comfortably leads MLB with 19 “no doubt” home runs. And of the “lucky” home run list, which lists wind-blown homers that wouldn’t have gone out on normal days, only one is in his name.)

So turns out I know nothing about baseball. But to be fair, I don’t think anyone saw a 54 home run season coming from Jose Bautista. (And I thought he was overpaid at $2.4 million.) And although I still hold to a lot of my criticisms of his second stint in Toronto, you still cannot deny his achievements in continually leading lowly regarded rosters to surprisingly successful seasons – including a 10 win improvement this year when everyone was thinking the opposite. In addition you cannot deny the career years Aaron Hill, Adam Lind, John Buck, Alex Gonzalez, and Jose Bautista have had under him, and also the successful seasons he got out of the very young and very raw pitchers in the starting rotation. He has left the team in a better state than when he came, so there’s certainly something to be said for Cito Gaston.

The man remained a class act all throughout his tenure here, and in the end I’ll remember him more for stuff like this sappy letter to the fans than stuff like choosing to field a team of journeyman milestone chasing veterans over young prospects in meaningless rebuilding years.

Maybe it’s just my depression from losing my fantasy baseball championship by one single fucking strikeout, but I am sad to see this Blue Jays season end. And that is the mark of a good season, and that in turn, is the mark of a good manager.

Thanks for making me a baseball fan, Cito.

(Seriously, one more strikeout and I would have tied it at 5-5, and I held the season tiebreaker. FUCKING HELL, 23 WEEKS DOWN THE DRAIN IN FAILURE)

Now for links.

– This is a man dressed as Scorpion, performing the Mortal Kombat theme song on an accordion. Doesn’t get much better than that. Best believe I will find a way to reuse this link during some inappropriate future opportunity.

– Fallon, Timberlake, and The Roots with a crazy mash-up of hip hop songs throughout history. Stupendously entertaining. Also entertaining – noticing the fact that there are only two black people in that entire studio that are not part of the band. I counted.

And now to close, something I posted back in June…

Go suck a dick, Cito. Go suck a whole bag of dirty horse dicks, you senile old bastard.