Who Are YouFacing?

Before I get to today’s regular batch of links, I’d like to speak very briefly about a new breakthrough in social media and brief glimpse of the future that awaits us all.

A fucking genius company called Motivity has developed a new webapp called Ratio Finder, which uses GPS data from Foursquare check-ins to generate a map showing what the gender ratios are in various venues throughout the city. So basically, this is a city map that tells you where there are too many dicks on the dance floor.

Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Unfortunately this is only available in San Francisco and New York, but THE IDEA…the idea is glorious and worthy to be celebrated. There are so many things about this that appeal so immensely to me – the brilliant simplicity of the concept, the wonderful ingenuity of the solution, and the borderline creepiness that comes with figuring out new and amazing ways to stalk people online, in real life – how can I not absolutely love this new scary direction society is taking!?!

Even the breakdown of the various venues on the site is brilliant, and just going through the category filter is so much fun to me. For example, here are the type of restaurants that have a higher than 50% girl ratio in San Francisco right now: bakeries, dim sum, dessert and ice cream places, Greek and Middle Eastern restaurants, tapas and sushi bars, vegetarian and sandwich shops…I mean this proves it works, right?

Obviously, my hope is for the next step of this project to interface with linking Twitter profiles so you can see what all the local buzz is before you walk in. Oh what, Susie McHotty is at this local dim sum place tweeting about how she loves crappy American alternative rock? Walk in with a Wilco t-shirt and whip out your spring roll, LIKE A BOSS.

After that? Facebook/Flickr profiles (or Google Image Search), so that you can see exactly how hot Susie McHotty is…or really how hot everyone in this restaurant is before you even bother walking in. And then it’s just a hop, step, and a jump from quantitative facial recognition metrics to measure exactly where the hottest high girl ratio coffee shops in the city are.

I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE MY FRIENDS…AND IT IS GLORIOUS

– So apparently the future also includes Anne Hathaway as Catwoman in the next/last Batman movie by Christopher Nolan, alongside Tom Hardy as Bane. (Bane? Okay, whatever.) I feel betrayed by this news. Absolutely betrayed, because for years now I was under the impression that Halle Berry had already done a fantastic job portraying Catwoman in the sublime 2004 movie. Now you are telling me I have to suspend my disbelief regarding a Catwoman portrayed by anyone else, and to accept this talentless Hathaway character? I REFUSE.

Why don’t they actually hire people with actual, REAL ACTING ABILITY for once? For example, Academy Award winner Halle Berry? She has an Oscar! There is absolutely no way she would ever give you anything less than sterling. I mean, did they even consider her!?!

Anne Hathaway? Seriously? More like…Anne…HACKaway, AMIRITE!?! Another no talent no name to add to the list. Bale, Caine, Freeman, Hathaway, Hardy…ALL SHIT. If you somehow trapped them all inside of an exaggeratedly large and magical paper bag, in which pure acting talent was the only way for them to breach the magical paper walls of the bag, they would not be able to escape, due to lack of collective acting talent, is what I am trying to say.
(EDIT: Oops, I included Hugh Jackman’s name in that list? How did that happen? Subconscious wish? …or more accurately, fully conscious and deliberate wish?)

Where’s Katie Holmes? Bring her back.

– It’s been big news, but in case you haven’t done so already, I heartily encourage you to check out Ricky Gervais’ opening monologue at the Golden Globes, in which he does his best (and succeeds, I think) to straight up Ether practically everyone in the audience. Quality material, and doubly enjoyable because of the completely predictable fallout…because he managed to make the Golden Globes a relevant subject for the first time in my lifetime, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has allegedly decided to “ban” him from the Golden Globes…? Why the outrage? That is like walking into a Michael Bay movie and being upset at all the explosions and scenes of helicopters flying against sunsets. I doubt he’d ever host again anyway, two years in a row seems more than enough for a lifetime.

Oh that’s right! He hosted last year too. So what’s all the hubbub about then? Because his act was so squeaky clean and inoffensive last year? Silly entertainment media, you are so silly. If you are are up for more family oriented comedy bits from Ricky Gervais, I encourage you to look up YouTube for his various bits about cancer, obesity, the Holocaust, and religion. Oh, British people. They are so much funnier than us.

– Finally, in the spirit of the all-time classic Dramatic Reading Of A Break-Up Letter, I bring you the greatest game review of all time. Oh, silly people that mistype things on the internet…you are so funny to us regular people.

“She just changed her status from ‘working on it’ to ‘weirdzies.'”
“O. M. F. G.”