Face Of A New Generation

I wrote up like a three thousand word post about the crazy Vernon Wells trade two weeks ago, about how fucking awesome it was because (a) moneymoneymoneymoney MONEY and (b) Mike Napoli is good.

But then we swung Napoli for Frank Francisco four days later which confused me a little bit, so I ended up just ditching the entire post.

I am kind of sad to see Vernon go. There’s only a very select amount of players that could have possibly thrived under the shadow a contract like that would cast in the eyes of the fans, and it’s not his fault for accepting such a fucking insanely excessive amount of money to play baseball for a living. He was always underappreciated by fans (although never really underrated) and it is a shame that it is his face that will always be associated with the failures of this franchise over the last decade. Always a first class guy, and I’ve always been rooting for him to get back to the player he was in 2003 or 2006.

It’s just that now it’s a lot easier to root for that while another team assumes all of the considerable risk that he will never come close to performing at that level ever again. Did you know his contract was backloaded, and the Jays shipped him out right before his annual salary jumped into the $20+ million range? How did the Jays get out of sending like $50 million or $40 million to the Angels? You’re telling me Anthopoulos doesn’t do this deal if he had to throw in even $10 million to offset the cost of the allegedly most untradeable contract in the league?

This guy is good. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be like another Bryan Colangelo situation with him. How crazy is it that the departure of the Jays’ longest-tenured player has me more excited and optimistic about this team than I’ve been in years? Remember when we parted with Carlos Delgado because he was too expensive and used all that money we saved to re-sign Vernon Wells instead? Good thing that is not the case again now. Not at all.

…hurm. Whatever, let’s move on!

– These are some wacky American Express commercials with Conan doing stuff with some glass and then with some cloth. I have just posted them up here for you to watch, in an effort to sell you American Express credit cards.

– Oh, those crazy Malaysians. First they are all like “let’s whip women for drinking beer and having sex”, and now they are like “let’s release 6,000 genetically modified mosquitoes into the wild.” Make up your mind guys, which millenium do you guys want to belong to? Can’t have both. Also, I’m not sure if I’m 100% comfortable with a country that fines adulterers in livestock also tinkering with the genetic makeup of the most dangerous creatures in the world. I’m pretty sure this is how the zombie apocalypse starts.

Just make sure the bears are fine, okay guys?

– MeatWater. Yeah, it exists. FULL SPEED AHEAD INTO THE GLORIOUS FUTURE THAT AWAITS US

– I found this picture randomly on the internet, and I thought it was pretty funny. He’s so excited to show it off he didn’t even bother ironing it first. It’s good to know that even in a new building, Markham District is still polluting society with world class dorks in 2011.

I want to take this opportunity to clarify that I did not go to that school, so my statement is intended to be 100% malicious to everyone that did.

Let off some steam, Bennett.