The Dreaming Celestial

I had a two hour development methodology training session to start this day off…it is actually like fifteen times as boring as I sounds. It was just this incredibly long and meaningless meeting – the type of torturous boredom that unhinges you mentally after you realize you’re sitting at a spot such that everyone would notice if you started playing games on your phone. Midway through, I started to become silently incensed at someone that kept saying “seven twenty four” instead of “twenty four seven.” There was a two minute span in which the phrase was used like a dozen times, and I had to stab myself in the thigh with a pen to supress the urge to jump over the table to strangle them. And then I started to obsessively daydream about doing that so earnestly that I was eventually unable to separate reality from the dream…it was only when I woke up that I realized something was actually strange.

There is zero chance that I will be able to accomplish anything for the remainder of the day. I would have been more productive if they just locked me in a room and forced me to get drunk for two hours this morning instead.

– Has anyone seen these 7 Minutes in Heaven with Mike O’Brien bits yet? There’s a whole bunch in there. It’s Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis except without ferns or Zach Galifianakis…it’s amazing stuff.

– This is a wacky remix of Aziz Ansari’s comedy special, which I think does a pretty good job of highlighting exactly how crazy and manic his stand-up is. The “HAHAHA’s” got me. If you haven’t watched Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening yet, then I suggest you go about doing that.

– My favourite trailer of the week has to be this exciting Richard Gere/Topher Grace vehicle called The Double. Taken at face value, it looks like a version of In Good Company that slowly degrades into The Recruit or Perfect Stranger, which is kind of hilarious to me. Although…it’s rare to see a movie’s shocking twist ending revealed for all to see right in the trailer like that…so you just wonder if there’s another twist on top of it, like if it’s all a dream (I used to read Word Up magazine) or Richard Gere is like actually insane or something and all the characters are just different aspects of his multiple personality disorder. I’m calling it now!

– There’s been a lot of complaints regarding George Lucas’ decision to make even more edits to Star Wars in the upcoming blu-ray or 3D version or whatever, not all of it unjustified. But again, you know this is the man’s modus operandi (see: 2004)…why anyone is suprised about this, I have no idea. Some of the changes have leaked already, and to be honest, I think some are better than others. That one completely changes the mythology of the series though…it’d be interesting to see how the community embraces this one. And how will the changes apply to the continuity found within the Expanded Universe? So many questions.

The trailer is pretty sweet though.

– The newest problem out of South America…aliens are raping our pigs. This sounds like an absolute horrible premise for Species 4…I hope this isn’t some wacky viral promotional stunt. However…depending on how much credence you lend to the idea that life on Earth was seeded by aliens and considering how genetically similar we are to pigs (the biggest obstacle in the transplantation of pig organs into humans is not genetic compatibility but in fact the risk of infection from porcine endogenous retroviruses aka PERVs), then the story doesn’t sound all that outlandish, since modern man was thought to have interbred with other archaic species. Turns out that all non-Africans are between one and four percent Neanderthal. Huh. I bet that’s how the Celestials “genetically seeded human beings with superhuman potential” – they just went around fucking everything.

Aaron Stack, you who are called Machine Man. You have traveled with us for three hundred and sixty cycles by your reckoning of time. There is now something we have to tell you.

You are total ****.