This Is Not A Mass Effect Fansite

But you’d be hard pressed to find the difference.

More Mass Effect 3 news!?! Guess that means I have to post again. 4 player co-op announced! Has nothing to do with the single player campaign, is not affected by previous save games, and seems completely optional. Details are in there, but reading about the “Galactic Readiness level” seemed too spoilerish to me, so I skipped the rest of it.

Based on the two paragraphs I did read though, I presume you don’t actually play as Commander Shepard in co-op, because then that would shatter the whole point of the game’s custom continuity concept as infinite Mass Effect worlds collide together like some silly comic book crossover. Does this then mean we get to make more custom characters, across the entire bristling spectrum of alien races in the Mass Effect universe? Dammit, and just when I thought I couldn’t get even more hyped about this game, they put this on me.

Fuck, and people are already talking about Diablo 3 play mechanics? What the hell am I going to do when both these games come out!?!

Man these First World Problems are the worst.

– Hey there’s a new Avengers trailer. Wait, who gives a shit? Fuck that movie.

– Conan-created Jersey Shore auditions with Anne Hathaway, Paul Rudd, and Psycho President Palmer? Let’s do it. I don’t even care about the first two, throwing Triple P in there is the real genius of it all. (Alternate YouTube link that may or may not work.)

– Here is The Score Editorial Test, which apparently is a quiz given to candidates that want to work in The Score’s editorial department. They consider 80% to be a pass.

I got 48%. And keep in mind how much of my life I devote to sports in general. Maybe I could have cracked 60-70% like five years ago when I still followed hockey…but wow, I still didn’t think the general breadth of my sports expertise was that lacking. Although I’m proud I didn’t flub a single basketball or baseball one, I think I might still be on the lower side of the curve.

I would consider a mark of 5% an extremely impressive achievement for non-sports fans.

And because I spent so much time looking up the answers myself, I’ll put them up here for you.

– An infographic about hot dog and beer prices around all the MLB stadiums? Jump on! Some of the sources look like they’re from 2008 and 2009, plus it mentions “thirty-one major league ballparks” even though there are only 30 teams in the league, and beers at the Rogers Centre are probably closer to $10 than $7, but whatever. The takeaway lesson here is to get blasted on grain alcohol before you even get there, regardless of geographic location.

– Here’s a bit from a site called Kanye + Comics…which essentially just super imposes Kanye lyrics onto comic…I don’t know why I’m explaining this, it’s pretty straightforward. If you are among the 1% of the population that has a solid grasp of both the central concepts presented here, then it’s pretty awesome. If you don’t, then this might be kind of stupid. So business as usual here. (This site was created by Chris Haley from Let’s Be Friends Again! which is a webcomic about comic books like how Penny Arcade is for video games.)

– Also, if you’re like me and don’t understand rap lyrics because you’re not black, I highly suggest checking out Rap Genius for all your referencing needs. Look up all the rap lyrics stuck in your head that you don’t get! One great example of how stupid crazy some references are is from Empire State of Mind – a song we’ve all heard like fifteen thousand times – which to understand requires at least cursory knowledge regarding the subject matter of (a) some random 2009 non-single track by Young Jeezy, (b) the circumstances heading into the 2010 NBA offseason specifically regarding the history and ambitions of the New York Knicks and the fact that Jay-Z is a minority owner of the New Jersey Nets, (c) the jersey numbers of Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Dwyane Wade, and (d) the approximate street value of a kilogram of cocaine. I thought I was already smart enough to get that it was about sports…but it isn’t, there’s a third, deeper layer where it’s about the economics of cocaine! I mean what the fuck, I’ve taken English courses in university involving symptomatic reading of Geoffrey Chaucer literature that required less work to understand.

Also, why do they measure cocaine in kilograms in America while measuring everything else in pounds?

Still, it’s a fascinating site if you have any sort of interest in that stuff…especially if you’re looking up obsessive compulsive lyricists like Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino and songs like Freaks And Geeks. I mean there are references to E E Cummings, Blake Griffin, Batman’s rogue gallery, and the mid-90’s alternative rock band Bush in there…what the fuuuuuuuck, man. I lost hours here when I first found this site, hopefully you’ll fare better than I did.

Video games, comics, baseball, rap…yep, I think I pretty much covered it all.

Suck my bat bitch