Indistinguishable From Magic

So I found a craisin under my keyboard yesterday, and it tasted like the exact same as a brand new craisin, even though I know for a fact that I finished my last bag of those suckers like well over two months ago. I was really surprised by that, I thought they would rot or go stale like other types of food for some reason. Ah, the miracle of science!

That reminds me, I need to go get another pack of craisins, I love that shit.

– The long rumoured new Blue Jays logo and uniforms were unveiled today and I have to admit they look pretty slick. The blue alternate jersey is amazing, I think I have no choice but to buy one now. Looks pretty good in person too, I checked out the store at the Eaton Centre today…but I had to get out of there quick since Ricky Romero, JP Arencibia, and Adam Lind were showing up for an autograph session and I didn’t want to bump into Lind again after our awkward exchange at the last autograph signing he had there.

– Both Chappelle and Aziz have done some good R Kelly bits…but to actually see him in action is another thing entirely. Why settle for (admittedly dead-on) imitations when you can get it straight from the source? In case you were distracted by the news that John Mayer and Adele were having throat surgery, be aware that R Kelly aka Kells aka The Pied Piper aka The King of R&B aka serial statutory rapist has also now successfully recovered from throat surgery! How successful? How about this tasty lick? That’s right, possibly the greatest song about throat surgery in the R&B genre…ever. More specifically it is about throat surgery and haters, who were presumably hating on him while he was having throat surgery. Which is…damn, pretty hateful, but that is generally par for the course when it comes to the behaviour of haters. Vintage R Kelly – oddly way too specific lyrics delivered in his patented sing-talk, and ultimately after all’s said…admittedly a pretty solid tune.

This may surprise you to know that this now makes two straight R Kelly related posts, the longest such streak on The WAMBAG. Unexplored territory…makes me wonder if it’s got any legs.

– I am already pretty booked up with current and upcoming games (Dark Souls, why are you so cruel to me?) and so I wasn’t really planning to jump midstream into another exhaustively huge game like Skyrim. But after watching this, I am kind of reevaluating things. This one is pretty good too.

Coon-Suit! Occasionally white people need to step in and prove to everyone that, hey whoa guys back off, white people are still the whitest people in the world. They started this white shit, they still running this shit. My favourite comment in there is “finally a good article on this shitty site.

– I went on a crazy trailer binge the other day…and man, there is some crazy shit out there. First off, did you know there is a movie called Safe House and a movie called Safe coming out within a month of each other next year? And neither of them really imply any degree of safeness, in fact it looks very unsafe in both trailers! Man, that is confusing!

Like how there’s also two Snow White movies? I feel like I’ve mentioned this before. I swear to God, Hollywood is just doing this to screw with us at this point. Apparently one is like a gritty take on it where Thor plays the huntsman and one is the wacky television movie take where the role is played by Nathan Lane and features real midgets. Also, one of them exclaims “Snow way!” so…you know, there’s that. I guess you can’t really complain about not having options on differing thematic takes on Snow White next year…? Tragically I actually laughed more at the first one, specifically where the Guillermo del Toroian mirror entity tells Charlize Theron that “there is another destined to surpass you” and it cuts to Kristen Stewart. Hahaha, I mean, come on. This will rake in dat Twilight money though so I can’t hate.

Speaking of which, Jack and Jill made $25 million in its opening weekend, which tragically was about $7 million short of the top spot and unfortunately probably lost Adam Sandler the bet/dare that spawned this movie. In comparison, it more than doubled the earnings of a blatant Clint Eastwood/Leo DiCaprio Oscar grab, and in one weekend has already made more than half the money that Scott Pilgrim vs. the World made in its entire theatrical run. Good times!

– Also an early leaked Expendables 2 poster? Where Jet Li is depicted as a small Asian woman? Man, that is a weird pile of people to wander into while lost. All that lorem ipsum at the bottom is a nice professional touch as well.

– Did you ever wonder what the job requirements for a NASA “Astronaut Candidate” were? Well check it out! Some highlights…gotta be between 5’2″ and 6’3″, degrees in Nursing and Archaeology are not considered qualifying for the academic requirements, and you need at least three years of “progressively responsible” professional experience or a thousand hours as a jet pilot. And the salary range is $64,724.00 to $141,715.00 before taxes. Which is…actually much lower than I expected, especially considering that with 1,000 hours as a jet pilot you can probably easily get a job as a commercial jet pilot who start at like $150K not counting overtime. Although you might get to go to space, which is admittedly a pretty unique perk. I hope the actual interview process is pretty strict though, because of the inherent danger in sending unqualified civilians into space.

– Someone wrote up Bruce Wayne’s medical history. It’s pretty good. Although it should be noted that Dick Grayson is actually Bruce Wayne’s legally adopted son.

– Today’s end quote is brought to you by the superb play-by-play call of this Tennessee Volunteers versus Arkansas Razorbacks college football battle, in which this touchdown happens. I have no idea if Joe Adams has any hopes for pro ball, but I see like nine guys in that video that already have the tackling skills of the average CFL player. (Because I don’t feel that the point was communicated sufficiently – this is a joke at the CFL’s expense, they are in fact, actually quite poor tacklers.) Arkansas would go on to win the game 49-7.

Houdini’s in the house, wearing #3…and nobody’s home to watch that house!

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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