Identity Crisis

I was introduced to a new project manager today that had just joined the company. I’ve actually been working with him already on a project for the last two months, and I’ve exchanged emails with him and heard his voice on conference calls before, but today is the first time we’ve actually met in person. Which is kind of a funny statement regarding the impersonal ways that business is done in big companies these days, but also how much weight to give to how a personal represents themselves in person or in other mediums, and the differences in how we did things even a few years ago, blah blah blah…

…but the most important thing I realized was that someone had actually met me for the first time, someone that I would most probably see in person again, who was at the very least a work acquaintance, a minor recurring character role in the horrible sitcom of my life…that this meeting happened in November.

Or that is to say, it happened amidst Movember.

I’m going to see some of my cousins this Saturday for the first time in months, but they already know that Choking Yak ≠ moustache. The idea is ludicrous and absurd to them, as it should be. But this man now thinks that Choking Yak = moustache. It has become part of my identity in his head.

There is now at least one person out there in the world that, when they think of Choking Yak, also imagines terrible facial hair. My identity now in his mind is inexorably linked forever to an image of a man that has a gross, patchy, ungroomed combo of moustache and beard. Most people who know me would successfully conclude that I am banned from Chuck E Cheese’s based on my life history and personality traits. This man is now able to successfully conclude the same thing, only he can do it solely based on visual attributes.

And that is a pretty crazy idea to put into my brain.

– More Skyrim goodness…it’s so open ended! Man, I don’t know if man was meant to be able to do these things in a video game. Why wouldn’t you make the bodies disappear after a while? And where does he keep the lotion basket?

– Is this a Snickers commercial featuring Senator Clay Davis as the voice of a shark? Sheeeeeeiiiiiit yeah! Doesn’t beat Dairy Queen though – when CBS gives us our sitcom pilot money, I’m calling this guy up!

– I am using this Google Music thing (with a clever workaround for the US only restriction) mainly so that I can just stream my tunes onto my phone without actually downloading everything there, but it’s actually a pretty nifty…oh wait, no one else has an Android phone? Okay, I will just shut up and go fuck myself. Got it.

– The world’s biggest insect has just been discovered in New Zealand. Jiminy Cricket, that is a big…cricket-like creature. They say that the species was wiped off the mainland by rats, but would you bet money against this guy versus a rat? Yeah. Not sure if it’s devouring a full carrot in that picture or if it’s actually the finger of a Jersey Shore cast member. HEYO! I’m here all week folks, try the veal.

– So the NBA is back. When Max broke the news to me in a 3:23 AM text last week, I pointed a finger to the sky and said out loud “WE DID IT” – to like God or something, I don’t know. And then I went back to sleep. Or to playing Dark Souls, I can’t remember, they blend together these days. But I’ve been away from basketball for so long, I’ve forgotten all the intrigue and compelling storylines of Toronto Raptors basketball. But then I saw this ridiculous fan video of Demar DeRozan and all the optimistic, delusional comments that follow…and I’m home again. That’s Raptors basketball, getting way too excited about way too little…we’re back! And there a lot of things I love about this video. One, that Coming Home song has been the most overplayed montage soundtrack in sports the last two years – it’s so wonderful. The Blue Jays used it, the Knicks used it – everyone’s coming home!

Best part about that video – overcutting a clip of Sonny Weems (who signed to play professional basketball in Lithuania this season) with Diddy’s line about missing Biggie (murdered in a drive-by shooting). Totally the same, yup!

– Animated Comic Covers! Pretty awesome, especially that last one, that one’s a doozy. Why is there not an entire Tumblr of these yet?

– So apparently it’s not enough that scientists have taught robots how to run around while making horrible buzzing sounds…no, apparently they’ve been busy teaching soft robots (WHAT) how to crawl and limbo under things. Like…under robot-proof doors for example? This whole thing just seems really kind of like irresponsible science. Almost like genetic engineering an even deadlier strain of bird flu so that it can jump species and kill ferrets…which are apparently the closest animal model for the human response to the flu. Yup, nothing can possibly go wrong.

“No, come along Bort.”
“Were you talking to me?”
“No, my son is also named Bort.”