Stuff Me When I Die

This past weekend we celebrated the premiere of the obnoxiously long-named The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2…movie, which had a very solid $141.3 million opening weekend. One homeless dude celebrated by sneaking into the movie and drinking a bottle of Johnnie Walker until he died. As suicides go, there is a certain poetry to death by alcohol poisoning inside of a theatre screening the final Twilight movie. Even in homelessness he managed to preserve some dignity on the way out. Though who knows if that was his intention going in – maybe he just wanted to get loaded to make watching his movie going experience even better, which would make it a cruel tragedy instead.

Something to think about while we rapidly approach the ends of our own lives – how to go out in a similar blaze of blended whiskey infused glory. In terms of movies to go watch in a public theatres while I drink myself to death…I’m really having some trouble coming up with better. Lincoln? Wreck-It Ralph? That’s a tough one.

– Browsing the taxidermy section of eBay generally never disappoints…unless the disappointment is from missing out on a squirrel riding a rattlesnake. This one with a rabbit riding a badger just doesn’t have the same charm. Also, it is $899. This squirrel flipping the bird comes in a distant third.

You may scoff, but taxidermy seems to be trending up – it is big with the youths and apparently now also a valid means of mayoral congress. My favourite bit about that last one is…“Once Jones realized it contained a dead bird, he looked no further and contacted authorities.” Good advice.

– Recently the hosts of NFL Kickoff went insane and tried to cram as many Princess Bride references they could live on-air. Here’s some of it. I think you really have to respect them for opting not to jam in some of the more obvious ones. I don’t know if I could have resisted the low hanging fruit – plus I would have gone to the Van Helsing or Street Fighter well instead, so really my take on it would have been nothing alike.

– It’s not an entirely new idea but this trailer for Gotham High is brilliantly cannibalized from an assortment of other movies. (Is that…Powder? My God.) Really scary how well some of this fits…except unfortunately Aaron Eckhart didn’t really start doing movies until he was like 30, and shockingly has never played a high school character in any movie you can realistically find. The rest of it though…wow, works way too well.

– So Twinkies are suddenly a nonrenewable resource now that Hostess is going bankrupt. A strike from a union that includes 5,000 people that bankrupts a company that employs 18,500 people…that is a union leader that called the wrong bluff. The fondest memory I have of Hostess is going through the insane comic book ads from the 80’s. Most of the time they created ridiculous new villains for these strips, and sometimes they had weird continuity as well, like in Spider-Man’s Dream Girl…Lisa Skye? And why does he address her by her full name in the last panel? What’s going on? Though if the next movie franchise reboot needs a new love interest, I think we’ve found her.

Though obviously now with Twinkies disappearing and Ebola going airborne, it really does turn out that the Mayans had their shit together. Time to hop on a boat to Madagascar.

– This is a new webseries called Teachers, which is not bad. My primary concern with how it fits with the specific preferences of this site’s readership is that the cast is entirely female. And to be fair, I don’t think there has been a particularly distinguished history of women rights throughout the life of this site, nor a particular respect for the field of education. Maybe it’s better just to skip this one.

– On the other hand, I’m fairly confident that this clip of Mitchell and Webb arguing about cheese will meet most of our demographic’s needs.

A LOT OF ANGER