Odd Couples

OH SNAP, I am just now hearing about how Alex Anthopoulos was able to successfully call Darren Oliver’s retirement bluff and he is now reportedly set to return. For one year at $3 million (assuming the terms of the contract have not been altered), I certainly like this much better than the alternatives of K-Rod, Matt Lindstrom, Jose Valverde, Professor Farnsworth, The Pitcher Formerly Known As Leo Nunez, or whatever late inning relief free agents are still out there. Plus, he’s a lefty.

Now let’s get to the rest of this shitty post while I pour over the internet’s upcoming and unnecessary overreaction and analysis of this transaction.

– Will Ferrell and Ryan Gosling recently had a strange bit on Jimmy Kimmel…I suggest watching it. I don’t even think Ferrell was a scheduled guest that night, which is guess is consistent with the premise of the bit.

– This is the trailer for Wrong. I think it looks interesting? Also interesting, one of the films nominated for an Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film…Fresh Guacamole. It’s nice to be able to watch something that was nominated for an Oscar…especially one that runs under two minutes. Because there’s no way I’m sitting through Armour or Beasts of the Southern Wild, that’s just not happening.

– I was recently really quite delighted and amused by these concepts of baseball teams on soccer jerseys, including teams from the AL East, the NL Central, and now the AL West. I like the write-up and explanations about the championship stars and all the sponsors and stuff, though I think to properly and fully appreciate this, one would have to be both a fan of both baseball and soccer jerseys. And that would be a lot to ask from someone.

– I bring you excellent news today, that the 900 foot long asteroid designated 99942 Apophis will in fact, not be colliding with Earth in 2036. So for all those of you out there that were really worried about that, and I know there were a lot of you, feel free to relax a bit now. First reported in 2004 to have a 3% chance to collide with Earth in 2029, the numbers were later revised with improved data and a collision ruled out for 2029. Still, there existed a chance of collision on the return orbit path in 2036, but now revised orbital information and the “single-pixel observations” of NASA’s seemingly unimpressive 230 foot “Goldstone” radio dish have ruled that out as well. However, NASA’s Earth Impact Risk Summary for this asteroid still notes a terrifyingly high probability of impact (0.00053%) on April 12th, 2068. So something to keep in mind if you’re thinking of scheduling your lawn bowling tournament appearances out that far in advance.

– Sometimes, you’re just reminded of how much real life is better at coming up with properties than you, even on your absolute best day. Case in point, this announcement that Kelsey Grammer and Martin Lawrence want to make a sitcom together. I mean, goddamn, what possible reason would these two guys ever have to be in the same room together? And yet still, here we are. One guy is black and cool and the other is white and square! I don’t even know if I would enjoy this more ironically or legitimately. That line has long blurred for me. I just can’t wait for the episode where both of them have to cross-dress in order to go undercover at the book club both their wives go to in order to find out which weekend they should book their golf getaway. Somewhere, Cedric the Entertainer and David Hyde Pierce are scrambling to get their own rival show off the ground first.

– I’m like a week late in reporting the bizarre campaign of former Blue Jay and former Celebrity Boxing participant Jose Canseco and his consideration to become Toronto’s mayor…before cruel reality and the very real fact that he is not a Canadian citizen derailed his plans to run against Ford in the upcoming by-election. Still, it did give us this wonderful website. I actually think it’s completely authentic because (a) it’s Jose Canseco and (b) the contact listed is for Joe Melendez, who is his actual agent. This is like one of those wonderful things that you really root for from a distance, but then once it gets closer and you realize this is might actually impact the real life day to day operations of the city you live in…it starts to get less funny. Just like what I assume it was like for everyone living in California in 2003.

– Out of the Republic of Cameroon comes a story about how two men were jailed for “looking gay” after ordering Bailey’s Irish Cream and acquitted…after spending more than a year in jail. So maybe it would be a good idea for most of our readership to avoid Cameroon, especially those that have mistakenly come here from thewambag.net.

“We work very well together okay?”
“We’re the Gruesome Twosome!”
“The Gruesome Twosome!”