Dynamic Duos

I don’t make a lot of serious posts on The WAMBAG, because generally speaking it’s not a very suitable medium for communicating authentic emotions, or really, anything that isn’t about mildly amusing YouTube videos. Though from time to time, real posts of substance manage to sneak through, those are largely the exception.

Today will also be an exception.

As many of you know, I’ve been in a wondrously fulfilling yet tumultuous relationship for a long time now. And as with all things in life, things wane, passions cool, and the cruel day to day grind of reality takes the shine off of anything eventually. Sometimes I’m shocked at the fact that we’ve broken it off three entire separate times only to find ourselves together afterward, but in hindsight it’s understandable. It’s rare – especially for things of this nature – to last the better part of a decade and still remain as fresh and wonderful as the day it started.

But a couple of days ago, in secret, I decided that it really was time for me to take a step forward. There’s a number of points in your life that lead up to the ultimate culmination of actually moving past living as a boy and becoming a man. And I think I finally did that. There’s something that’s both comforting and exciting to know that your future will include your most cherished love and one of your oldest, greatest friends.

Folks, today I have an announcement to make.

I’ve started playing Mass Effect 2 again.

And I’ve made a commitment here, with God as our witness, that in a short while’s time, when I’ve satisfied enough of my obsessive need for side quest completions and I’ve sufficiently refreshed my memory of the storyline (reavers are coming for River or something right?)…I’ll be finally jumping into Mass Effect 3 with all the love and passion that I am capable of bringing.

I hope I can depend on all of you for your support and well wishes.

– On a completely unrelated note, check out this dude who met his girlfriend at a Battlestar Galactica party (because those apparently exist and girls go to them) and decided to make her a custom themed engagement ring. Isn’t that nice!?! And it seems like his girl is almost as good looking as he is not good looking, so double kudos! The thing that really got me though, was that he inherited his grandmother’s ring to give to her – a nice, classic, timeless piece of jewelry, and a family heirloom…and proceeded to melt it down for scraps to make a ring based on a television series. That just seems so fucking tragic to me. I mean it’s one thing already to propose with a ring referencing something as topical as a sci-fi television show, but to destroy something that your grandma treasured and wore for most of her adult life to do it, and for such little payoff (it looks…okay?)…that’s just sad to me. I hope she’s dead already and didn’t need to witness this. Maybe if I watched the show, I’d think this was like the coolest and most baller thing to do, but since I don’t, I’m just bummed out by this story. And it’ll be even sadder when catches her cheating on him in six months time, because then it’ll be like…what did you melt your grandma’s ring down for?

…whoa, that got pretty mean and cynical rather quickly. Marriage, everybody!

– Would you like another installment of CollegeHumor’s Batman videos? Why not? Yes, this movie is completely rife with huge logical plot holes, but that’s only you being an idiot and getting caught up with what’s literally happening, when in actuality it’s all a big metaphor! Still the greatest movie of all time. The voice though…that’s just indefensible, I have no idea what they were thinking for that one, there was no way it wasn’t going to just be completely hilarious. This guy pulls it off so well too. John Holmes, everybody!

– Everyone who had Aaron Eckhart on their list as the next 40+ dramatic actor to take a turn towards gritty, daughter rescuing action…please come up and accept your prize! MAN, I love movies. Watch out Neesons! This guy’s oldish but still like two decades younger than you!

– I think the video description says it better than I can, so here it is. “In an alternate universe, Breaking Bad aired as a network family drama in 1995. Here’s the intro. Now this is a guy who knows his material. Jesus, White Lie by Foreigner? Amazing.

Paramount and CBS are now co-producing a Beverly Hills Cop television series, featuring recurring guest spots from Eddie Murphy as Axel Foley. Set to star as Eddie Murphy’s son and follow in his father’s footsteps as a Beverly Hills cop is Brandon T Jackson, who was last seen following Martin Lawrence’s footsteps in Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son. I’m pretty sure making a show about the original protagonists’ offspring is the exact same setup for the Dallas remake, which was actually one of the top cable programs through its first season (though currently tanking in its second) and if they remade Hawaii Five-0 (with a zero now at the end instead!) and Charlie’s Angels (it starred Minka Kelly and lasted four episodes) then this just makes perfect sense. I am actually kind of angry at myself for not perfectly predicting this…though I would have thought they’d go with a movie port first before television. God, it’s brilliant. What a great age of entertainment we live in now.

– Have you ever heard of the webcomic God Hates Astronauts? It is weird and terrifying and you should check it out. And it becomes even more amusing if you are like me and just naturally assume everything will eventually be optioned as a movie by Hollywood, and you cast the whole thing in your head while you go through it. As webcomics go…this wouldn’t be the worst one to be green lit. Or it might be.

Tina Fey and Jason Bateman in the same movie? How has this not happened yet? Astounding. Are we not excited about this one? As excited as we were about the upcoming Tina Fey/Paul Rudd movie coming out in two weeks that none of us recall or care about? You bet! Check out this synopsis, which apparently is based on a book…

Tropper wrote the script, which centers on a man (Bateman) whose father dies and tasks his dysfunctional family comprised of four grown siblings with one last request: to spend seven days following the funeral together under the same roof for first time in a decade.

And the recap from the IMDB entry notes…

A Jewish family that isn’t used to observing their faith’s traditions is forced to fulfill their father’s final wish and sit Shivah together for an entire week and confront their problems.

So to recap…this is a story of a wealthy family that lost their father, and the one son (played by Jason Bateman) who had no choice but to keep them all together.

Also, Jews.

– Here’s an article called Taylor Swift at the Brit Awards: Yet Another Illuminati Ritual for the Masses, which as far as I can tell, is presented without irony. The comments are worth a nice read through as well. I want to make fun of this article, but I really can’t – I also believe that Taylor Swift is in league with Baphomet, the goat headed pagan deity of Mendes. The evidence speaks for itself.

– Hollywood continues to work in pairs, with news coming that Universal Pictures and Sony are both working on their own respective movies both called Everest, which, surprisingly, is not about the line of for-profit colleges across North America, but actually about that big mountain in Asia somewhere. Sony’s Everest is set to star Tom Hardy as George Mallory, the first person to scale the mountain in the 20’s. Universal Pictures’ Everest will star Christian Bale as Jon Krakauer…who was part of the 1996 Mount Everest disaster, and evidently had merely adopted the mountain. Whereas Mallory was born in it, molded by it. He didn’t see the summit until he was already a man!

You were gone seven years. Seven years I waited, hoping that you wouldn’t come back. Every year, I took a holiday. I went to Florence, there’s this cafe, on the banks of the Arno. Every fine evening, I’d sit there and order a Fernet Branca.

I had this fantasy, that I would look across the tables and I’d see you there, with a wife and maybe a couple of kids. You wouldn’t say anything to me, nor me to you. But we’d both know that you’d made it, that you were happy.

I never wanted you to come back to Gotham. I always knew there was nothing here for you, except pain and tragedy. And I wanted something more for you than that.

I still do.

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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