2016 Looks Horrifying So Remember 2015 Forever

What a wonderful and wacky 2015 it was.

The Toronto Blue Jays are finally a playoff team and the defending AL East champions. There is a new Star Wars movie that is actually about stuff that happened like after the first movies. I mean, certainly it can still all go wrong and head straight downhill from here. Even though the Jays didn’t blow $30 million a year on David Price, it would still be tough to resign both or even one of Bautista or Encarnacion. And more Star Wars movies don’t necessarily mean more good Star Wars movies, the capacity of man to fuck this franchise up have already been well demonstrated.

Still…what a world we live in. It’ll be an interesting 2016 if nothing else. I mean look around.

Movies inspired by comic book properties are going out of control, to the point where there’s actually going to be a goddamn Dr. Strange movie made that will star human beings with actual names like Benedict Cumberbatch, Mads Mikkelsen, Chiwetel Ejofor, and Tilda Swinton. This magical gathering will not only feature the weirdest looking Europeans in the world, but also the weirdest named ones. I would almost be disappointed if they don’t give the agents of Nikolaj Coster-Waldau or Saoirse Ronan a call throughout this franchise. Get it done Marvel, Zach Galifianakis as the voice of Shuma-Gorath in Dr. Strange 2: Hangover in the Chaos Dimension.

Which will be the bigger Civil War? Captain America versus Iron Man? Or whatever’s going on in Syria right now? The uh…Syrian Arab Republic? And ISIL…? ISIS? See, I can’t follow, I need the entire storyline to be summarized and crucial plot points to be spoiled for me in a two minute feature trailer. Each faction needs to have like their own lead-in movie franchise before throwing them all together. There hasn’t been any time for the audience to associate or empathize with any of the parties individually before you forced them all to share screen time with each other, it’s just not going to capture interest and it’s going to be an unmitigated human disaster. I mean I don’t think the Syria Civil War will be as bad as Dawn of Justice, but it’s too early to say really.

Continued tensions in the Middle East could cause continued complications with oil production – falling oil price headlines dominated 2015, with crude oil hitting it’s lowest mark in over a decade and will remain an important topic in 2016. But even though the severing of ties between Saudi Arabia and Iran may cause complications with production between the two largest suppliers of crude oil to the US, now that the trade sanctions against Iran have been lifted there will still likely be millions more barrels to add to the US’ 80-year high inventory. Which will continue to cause Canada’s own oil-linked loonie to struggle. That’s why you need to diversify…and uh, invest into Bitcoins…?

Already suffering the second worst fall on record last year, the continued weakness of the Canadian dollar will affect Canadian consumer purchasing power – especially if they’re looking at this sweetass Combiner Wars lineup for 2016. How can I afford these awesome Bruticus and Shockwave toys if US shale production doesn’t pump its fucking brakes? Goddamn, guys, Shockwave transforms into a gun for Bruticus!

Oh yeah and Bran Stark is coming back…? Sure.

I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass