The 1,500th Post

…will be dedicated to giant prosthetic prop penises, just like our forefathers would have wanted. I saw this from the start – there was no other course of action available to us, fate forced us here.

– Another new installment of College Humor’s Batman series, this time versus the Scarecrow! Funny voices, always good.

– Scientists have now developed a neural network from cultured rat brain cells that can successfully control a F-22 fighter jet flight simulator. The headline is appropriately, Brain in a Dish Flies Plane. I for one welcome our new fighter jet flying murine overlords.

– Our team of WAMBAG.COM lawyers finally does something and justifies the thousands of dollars we spend keeping them on retainer. FilmDistrict has now finally backed off and changed the name of their upcoming Gerald Butler movie to Playing For Keeps. Initially they were ripping off our project Playing The Field, currently in negotiations to star Derek Jeter as an exaggerated aging version of himself that was looking for love in all the wrong places…until he finally found it right under his nose in the guise of a frumpy, glasses wearing Minka Kelly as his personal assistant. So it’s kind of like a She’s All That thing combined with some Iron Man elements what with the Pepper Potts deal. Also yeah, the casting is a little dated already, as Jeter’s reportedly moved on from Minka Kelly to 22 year-old model Hannah Davis now, but we’ll work all that out when we need to. Watch the Playing For Keeps trailer for some background…you can tell they kind of twisted our original concept a bit to have more of a “I just want my kid back!” vibe (but still ripping off our “true love was right there all along!” idea), and thus what likely prompted the name change. He wants to KEEP the kid, don’t you get it!?! This is such an amazingly textbook Katherine Heigl movie that it was hours after watching the trailer that I actually finally realized that she’s not even in the movie.

– Another trailer that caught my eye…Seven Psychopaths, about Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, and Christopher Walken as a band of kidnappers involved in a scheme to ransom mobster Woody Harrelson’s dog that predictably goes wrong, from the same writer/director that did In Bruges. Also, this trailer includes Tom Waits holding a bunny. Are you still here? What else do you want?

– Have you guys seen this graphics showcase video for Crysis 3? It’s amazing, right down to the overly gratuitous lens flares that my real life eyeballs constantly experience walking around in the sun, through, you know…the lens of my eyes…? And it’s certainly impressive to show off their “Top Secret Tessellated Frog Tech” but the real question is if they will maintain the amazing frog physics enginge from the first game.

– Another game that caught my eye…Capcom’s Remember Me, which has just had some gameplay footage released. You essentially creep around, “remixing” people’s memories (brainwash/Incepting them) to…I don’t know, facilitate your job in industrial espionage or something? Like I don’t know…make a guy think he left the stove on at home and then you still his access card or something innocent like that? Certainly I never thought it’d be like…mess with their brains to make them do fucked up things like commit suicide from regret after you falsely convince them they killed their girlfriend. Who is the bad guy here!?! That’s fucked up! Man, this game is a lot darker than I’d thought it’d be.

– Found this floating around. This generation’s Heat. It works on so many levels.

I am a big, bright, shining star.