I’m back bitches! But what the hell’s wrong with my tagboard? And why are people using the comment system? Everything’s gone to hell! I knew it – damned commies! They struck at my house and home while I was abroad fighting the good fight. But I have returned now, and thus we can return to our regular broadcast schedule. Now, I was originally going to do another picture documentary of my trip like my last vacation to the east coast…but I couldn’t find anything worthwhile to write about. So I’ll just recap my fantastic journey to the orient here, in point form.

(EDIT: Wait, nevermind – the tagboard’s cool. Just CHILL OUT!)

– I love my family. I love them very much. Just not when I have to physically be with them, 24 hours a day. When that happens, love is replaced by a strong desire to strangle them in their sleep.

– Dished out some quality foreign ass kicking at an arcade, at Marvel Superheroes (remember the GEMS!?!), Marvel Superheroes vs. Street Fighter, and Marvel vs. Capcom. I’m still amazing at these games, back when they were simplier with only 1-on-1 or 2-on-2. That is, provided that I get enough time to get used to the six-button layout again. What even’s sweeter is that two of the kick buttons didn’t work on that one MSvSF machine, so I had to get a little creative and only use punch-based combos. It’s pretty damn tricky. But that guy was pretty damn sucky, so it’s all good.

– Received some quality foreign ass kicking at an arcade, at Marvel vs. Capcom 2. Apparently I’m not that great with Guile. Ulp, back to the drawing board.

– There are a lot of chinese people here. I mean like…A LOT.

– The Hong Kong subway system is superior to the TTC in the same way that the USS Enterprise starship is superior to a short, dull twig. It’s cleaner, safer, cheaper, the trains are longer and come more frequently, there’s more stops, less crazy people, and the route maps have little lights that blink to tell you where you are, where you’re going, and which stops you can transfer to with the current stop. The quality of their public transit system makes the fact that it takes me an hour and a half to get home from school hurt even more.

– I don’t know if it’s the sampling size or what, but the hot asian girl ratio in Hong Kong is a lot lower than what I expected, based on preliminary data from home. Also, one in every three teenage males stirs up an incredible urge for me to punch them in the face. This is quite possibly due to the fact that I hate chinese people. The fact that most of my close friends are chinese, and the fact that I constantly want to punch most of them in the face…is probably just a coincidence.

– I’ve discovered that it’s a bad idea to race an elevator up 10 flights of stairs, no matter how old the elevator may be. I think I hit like 5 or 6 flights at full speed before I suffered a Super Lactic Acid Leg Attack. I had another one when I was racing some of my cousins up this huge Buddha statue. That sucker’s gotta be like a dozen stories high – and the steps are all old and not uniformly shaped, to make it even more fun. Again, I hit like 5 or 6 full flights before the Super Lactic Acid Leg Attack, and then I just suddenly and completely lost the use of both my legs. I find these Super Lactic Acid Leg Attacks to be unexpectedly hilarious, in a masochistic sort of way.

– I needed to sell a lot of drugs and do a lot of man-whoring, but I managed to scrape up enough to get me one of these babies. They didn’t have the one in pink though. I suspect the fates are conspiring against letting me be that pimp. Too damn bad for the world. I’m not getting anything for the next two Christmases (Christmas’? Christmi? Christmassess? Flock of Christmas? DAMN!), I used most of the money stash I’ve been building for years, and I owe my parents an uncomfortable number of favours, but I am officially a digital-camera whore now. I might even carry it around with me all the time, to acheive maximum whoring. Here’s a bunch of numbers – 4.0 megapixels, 3x optical zoom, 0.3 pounds, and 8.3 cm x 5.2 cm x 2.0 cm. There’s probably a whole punch of light settings and stuff, but I have no idea how to use those anyway.

– “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” …brings a tear to my eye. It’s even cooler because it comes with Megatron in his gun form, so you get BOTH OF THEM!

– I am completely jet lagged. Not to say I’m extremely tired, but it’s just that I’m still not completely sure what time it is, what day it is, and I still don’t completely believe it’s 2004. It’s going to take me about two months to be able to write 2004 the first time around on date headers – I go through that every year. And I’m sure I’ve brought all sorts of strange and exciting foreign diseases into the country as well. It feels like the bass drum from the Toto cover band that lives next door is inside my head.

Anyway – I’m sure you all had a very entertaining Christmas and New Year’s and whatnot. If not, there’s always next year. To be honest, I personally completely forgot about New Year’s – I spent it inside my hotel room watching a National Geographic documentary on sedimentary rocks or something. And you know what? It kicked ass. Least I think it did. I don’t remember any of the interesting facts from the show, but I do remember that at the time, I was terribly impressed. There was a bit about lemurs in there…again, I don’t remember, but I find lemurs to be hilarious.

Okey doke – some more tomorrow. I got some entertaining links that have been piling up.