ABBA-holics Anonymous

(soundtrack)

Something On – The Tragically Hip

SCENE

(Alex reluctantly stands up)

Hello, my name is Alex Lee and I’ve been an ABBA fan for 12 years…7 years publicly. For the most part, I’d been able to control this addiction. I was really a social ABBA fan, you know? I could control it, stop anytime I wanted to. I didn’t think it was hurting anyone when I put on a little Dancing Queen or Take A Chance On Me during the occasional party. I mean, we’re all enjoying ourselves and that’s what’s important, right?

Wrong

A couple of months ago, as you all know, I went and saw the broadway musical Mamma Mia! and…well, I was hooked. My addiction became dangerous. I was singing ABBA songs everywhere, asking people if they’d seen the show (often asking the same people more than once), and worst of all, I payed 30 bucks for the soundtrack and listened to it 2 or 3 times a day. And I don’t mean in the background. I mean, I’d just sit there listening without any other kind of activity going on. Only now can I admit this.

I knew that I had a serious problem when I had a copy of ABBA Gold in each hand, snorting crushed ABBA Gold CDs of the ass of a twelve-year old boy I called “ABBA Gold”.

But that’s all behind me now…I haven’t listened to the Mamma Mia soundtrack at all in over two weeks. I’d like to thank God for keeping me clean. I’d like to thank my UofT friends, Angel, Natasha, Michelle, Julius and Tanya for keeping me distracted. Also helping in that department were Tom, Dan and Lee. Most importantly, I’d like to thank Max, Will, and Jess for taking care of me during this very difficult, and very gay, period in my life.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go listen to some Weezer.

END

Avril Lavigne Stalker Update – *sigh* Alright, time to bail Max out again…

Now to close on a completely unrelated and sad note. I’d ask that we all say a prayer for “Weird” Al Yankovic whose parents passed away recently from carbon monoxide poisoning. I joke all the time about carbon monoxide leaks in my house, but I genuinely feel bad for Al. What can I say, the guy has been a role model for me my entire life. I always wanted to be called “Weird” Al. I’d go on a big “Cobain”-esque rant about his effect on my life, but I think this isn’t quite the time. I’ll just say this:

You can be a coffee achiever.

You can sit around the house and watch “Leave it to Beaver”.

The future’s up to you, so what’choo gonna do?

Dare to be stupid! Dare to be stupid!

What did i say? (Dare to be stupid)

Tell me what did I say? (Dare to be stupid)

It’s alright (Dare to be stupid)

We can be stupid all night (Dare to be stupid)

I hope you’re okay, Al.