A Random September Post

I keep thinking the lyrics to the chorus of Black Widow are “gonna love ya like a black little baby” and I can’t get it out of my head. Which…you know what, is a better message to get out there anyway. Because if there’s one demographic that needs more love, it’s those guys.

Little babies.

You racist.

– HBO has announced, via a very flash press release, that Fast & Furious director Justin Lin will direct the first two of eight episodes of a series set in Los Angeles, starring Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn. Those components individually sound like a hilariously awesome movie, but the fact that it’s for the second season of True Detective is hard to wrap my brain around. Obviously continuity of tone and the plot structure might vary season to season for an anthology series, but this one seems pretty pronounced. Though maybe it’s just because I can’t stop imagining it as an awesome Justin Lin directedCommunity paintball episode type action-comedy series, with either big name as the villain. I could have easily imagined Vince Vaughn as a protagonist in Horrible Bosses opposite Colin Farrell’s brilliant Chinese dragon loving character, or Farrell as one of Starsky or Hutch (would it matter?) opposite Vaughn’s Jewish-American drug kingpin character in the 2004 movie. I mean the dude was in Miami Vice in 2006, I actually thought it was the same movie before I looked it up.

– Rob Lowe’s next project is voicing a cartoon. Specifically, Moonbeam City. Which looks like its set in the world of Robot Unicorn Attack, so it’s got that going for it. I’ve seen it referred to as looking like Archer in the 80’s, which seems pretty accurate. And good. Also apparently this is executive produced by Scott Gairdner, who despite working for Conan, I best know from this 2006 YouTube video. I’m not going to lie – gun to head, I might pick that as my favourite YouTube video of all time, and then ask you to like chill out and put down the gun, because there’s no need for that, I’m always happy to talk about YouTube videos.

– Another upcoming Adult Swim project is Mike Tyson Mysteries, which is a cartoon in which Mike Tyson figures out mysteries, starring Mike Tyson as himself, Jim Rash as a ghost, and Norm MacDonald as a pigeon. This is apparently a real thing. Honestly I would have been completely satisfied in life if this was just a fake trailer. From here on out, any more enjoyment out of this property I get is just gravy.

– I quite enjoy Gabe & Max Need Help, which is a webseries about two best friends going to a relationship counselor. I think even just the intro alone is good enough for me. I am also becoming a fan of Kumail Nanjiani, who you might remember as the weird foreign dude from Burning Love and currently playing the weird foreign dude from HBO/Mike Judge’s Silicon Valley…which, by the way, isn’t too bad of a show. It’s shaky, and at many times falls into the same shit that The Big Bang Theory does in relying solely on a “nerd” stereotypes to carry the entirety of a joke and builds its foundation on an outside and outdated perception of a supposedly “weird” subculture. So when they set you up to laugh at the protagonists versus laughing with them, it’s hard to care about any sort of character development or plot advancement…though I think it finds a better balance a few episodes in, which is certainly not unprecedented (take a look at the first seasons of Community or Parks and Recreation). But really I think the main difference from The Big Bang Theory is that this is actually pretty funny. Here…watch this unnecessarily elaborate dick joke scene. If you sit through that and still have zero interest in this show, then walk away guilt free and no second thoughts, because that’s pretty much the ceiling of this series, I think. Jokes about dicks and Adderall, that’s all you will find here.

– Malkovich malkovich malkovich – Malkovich. Malkovich? Malkovich malkovich…malkovich malkovich malkovich, malkovich – malkovich – malkovich, malkovich malkovich malkovich. Malkovich!

– (I wrote this bit two months ago, in case you were wondering.) The San Francisco Giants, in the midst of another successful winning season, are also hosting what is seemingly a very patronizing sounding “Video Gamer Night” on September 10th. But if you buy the special ticket package, you are invited to a pre-game event in which you might get a crazy Giants themed Assassin’s Creed figure, which is actually really legitimately awesome. Bad news, the game is against the Arizona Diamondbacks and the event includes a Todd McFarlane question and answer panel. But the figure has a fucking bat and batting helmet as accessories! Certainly a much better promotion than say, the Seattle Mariners’ Fedora Night. Stupid Seattle.

– Guilder Rodriguez, a lifelong minor league player for the Texas Rangers organization was recently called up to the majors for the first time in his career. With 1,095 games over 13 seasons, he was the longest serving minor leaguer without any big league service time in history, until earlier this month. It’s a touching story – kind of like that Dennis Quaid movie but much different. But not just a fine feather in his cap – appearing in one MLB game guarantees you health care coverage for life, and 43 days of service time gets you that sweet MLB pension money. Well last night he managed to get his first ever major league hit, and the tears just don’t stop flowing.

– And so yes, it’s dumb and horrible at times, but as Bryan Cranston so brilliantly and eloquently expresses here, how can anyone help but fall in love with baseball? Everyone talks about the timing needed to be a comedic actor, but just plain acting ability is not a bad thing to have too – just the idea that someone will commit so much conviction to something so idiotic is amazing. That Take Me Out To The Ball Game monologue is the greatest and stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. And his Ernie Johnson ain’t bad either!

Any actor who tells you that he’s not inspired by Bugs Bunny is a liar.