The Blueprint

I’m Not Okay – My Chemical Romance

“Alligator Life”.

That was supposed to be the name of this week’s post. I was finally going to take a post to address my favourite metaphor. It was going to detail the physiology of the common alligator and explain how their long periods of inactivity and their violent outbursts were similar to the daily quagmire of human life and our own, brief moments of happiness, madness and growth. I made the decision to do this because my holiday was so long and uneven. I think I was off school for, like, a month. I’ll sum it up quickly:

– Had a big Christmas dinner with my U-mates. We actually (“we” not including me of course, heh heh) cooked our own meal and everything. We sang karaoke and exchanged gifts. The best I could muster was a “meh” rendition of Hanging By A Moment because I broke the guy’s guitar earlier in the night. I felt bad so I hung myself with a guitar string. A slab of turkey neck and it’s hanging from a pigeon wing. I wanted to play The Messenger. Ah, well. The gift exchange went a lot better than I expected. An awesome night.

– The Philadelphia Trip. We’re working on this article.

– Saw a lot of people over the holidays. Didn’t realize how much I missed Eva. Curious. It was also great to finally catch up with Jenny after having not seen her in what seems like two years. Could it be? And good luck to Chris Sue. He’s going to California…I’m not singing that stupid song.

Fill in the blanks with me working and staying up until daybreak playing videogames and there ya go. My holiday in a nutshell.

But yeah, you’ve been spared from that overly thought out post because of two reasons: 1. As usual, I’m lazy.

2. I watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off again.

What does the second have to do with anything? Well, for starters, I love that movie. Definitely one of my top ten favourites…this week, at least. I remember watching it when I was a young pup and I must have seen it a hundred times since. Or half as many times as I’ve seen Van Helsing. Anyways, it’s also insanely depressing for me. Is there any movie that glorifies youth more than this flick? Matthew Broderick aka Ferris ditches school, takes his best friend’s dad’s car, goes downtown to catch a baseball game and visit an art gallery (among other things), stars in a parade and gets away with it all. I barely skipped a class in high school. And another thing: He gets to make out with Mia Sara aka Sloane Peterson.

That’s the reason for this post. Mia Sara. Sloane Peterson. The basis for which I would judge all other women for the rest of my life. I realized this while I was up at some ungodly hour watching the film. Well, that’s not true. I didn’t realize it right away. I woke up the next morning and it just hit me. Whenever someone asks me what my “type” of girl is, I never have an answer. I always just tell people that I like brunettes, rarely without anymore details. I think that’s because I’ve always had a specific woman in mind. Now I know. It’s Sloane Peterson.

So to every girl I’ve ever loved or even looked at in a lustful manner, I apologize. But don’t just blame me. Blame John Hughes. Blame Matthew Broderick. Blame Mia Sara.

I’m working on a song about this. I’ve already written the first verse.

Preacher quotes…Preacher quotes…

The prince of peace will rule the world. The clouds will part. The sun will shine. The storm will end.

I notice it hasn’t ended.

It’s just a metaphor…