What a world.

Initially after receiving this mind blowing display of Tetris insanity from Sheep, I was in a fantastic trance of amazement. Conventional physical laws in this universe prevent anyone short of Wally West from doing this stuff. (Wally West is the Flash, for those of you who are comic book illiterate savages. And the Flash’s superpower is superspeed, for those of you who are literally South American savages who have lived in the rainforests of Peru isolated from normal society for countless decades.)

Turns out that the japanese Flash who was playing in that Tetris video (I like to call him Washi West) was indeed too good to be true. Apparently the video had been “sped up a bit.” Who told me this? Sheep himself, whose word alone – in the absence of any one else saying anything otherwise – is good enough for me. And for you. He was just like Jet Li, who – thanks to computer editing – gained more air time in a simple jump kick than a Michael Jordan made of pure helium could ever hope to achieve in a thousand lifetimes.

Then jump to 12:25 AM or so today, at which point I’m watching Leno and having a nice light snack. And by “watching Leno” I mean “waiting for Conan.” And of course by “having a nice light snack” I really mean “eating ruffled potato chips off my chest.” Then booyah – we got a live Michelle Branch performance at the end of the show. Actually, no booyah. Notes so off even I could tell. And she looked…dare I say it…”not skinny.” Combine that with the rock wailings of Are You Happy Now…and…it was just…I don’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t stay for Conan afterwards. It just didn’t feel right.

But I’m a broken man. Between the fake Washi West, that Michelle Branch showing, and Corky…who do I have left?