STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES

According to this uh…internet article thing, Universal Pictures has signed these two dudes, a writing/producing team, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to make some movies or something. They already have two projects in mind, and this being the year 2012 and the way Hollywood works, both are of course, remakes. One is a remake of the 1999 indisputably seminal work The Mummy (itself a remake of the 1932 The Mummy). The other?

The pair will also develop and produce Universal’s reimagined Van Helsing, with Tom Cruise attached to star in and produce the film.

Van Helsing.

Tom Cruise.

CHECK-motherfucking-MATE.

– Let me just get this on record in case it blows up and I end up hating it because it’s gone mainstream…I watched the pilot of Veep yesterday starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Vice President. It’s apparently the Americanized version of the British series The Thick of It, which I only know from the movie version, In The Loop. By far the greatest thing about that show was Peter Capaldi brilliant performance as Malcolm Tucker, Director of Communications for the Prime Minister. Unfortunately his American counterpart here seems like the weakest link now, but I thought it was still pretty well done overall as far as imported British comedies go.

It also stars Anna Chlumsky, which you might best remember as either the girl from My Girl, the girl from My Girl 2, or the other Liz in 30 Rock that Floyd (aka Flower Guy) is initially dating. She was also playing virtually the same role in In The Loop, which is an interesting holdover…it could almost be considered an American spin-off if she was a more prominent character, which she isn’t. Also it should be noted that she married a Chinese dude and had a pretty chinky wedding. So I feel like I’m obligated to give this show a shot even just solely based on principle.

Also it has Tony Hale in it doing Tony Hale things. Just watch it already!

– And if that doesn’t whet your longing appetite for previous Arrested Development cast members, maybe this weird trailer for Mansome will do it for you. I don’t know if this is a documentary or an actual full feature movie, and the actual content seems pretty wack, but it has Bateman and Arnett featured together prominently, so there’s really nothing else to say.

– Must…stop…browsing…eBay taxidermy section…

– Mad Men is the absolute best show on television right now though, and I don’t even know how to describe or sell it to people that don’t already watch the show. “It’s about some rich white dudes in the 60’s who cheat on their wives and drink at work. Also, most of them are pretty racist and the ominous tone of domestic abuse lingers over every episode.” Actually, that sounds pretty great. Basically it is a show about first world problems, which we can all relate to. I also particularly enjoyed the recent episode in which Peggy tries to pull a Don Draper without realizing that the Don Draper method requires very specific criteria. And then later she is like no, you will not finger bang ME, I will finger bang YOU, I AM THE BOSS NOT DON, HEINZ YOU SELL YOUR BEANS LIKE THIS

Also, there is Fat Betty. That made me laugh much more than I originally expected.

– I don’t remember how I stumbled onto this, but I think you’d be doing yourself a disservice and every member of this band if you didn’t watch Andrew Bird perform the HELL out of this violin. This is one of those songs that makes me immediately want to get up off my lazy ass, drive to the store, and buy every album this guy’s ever made. And by that, I mean “remain in my chair and just torrent his entire discography.” Ah, the internet. If you cannot vividly imagine this song in a random bullshit indie movie trailer, then get the hell off my site.

Yes, I am posting a link to a 2005 song in 2012. That is what’s happening.

– Hey, it’s a Parks and Recreation blooper reel. I love these things, I still watch the Always Sunny clips from time to time if I’m bored…or the Arrested Development ones if I’m feeling depressed. I have no idea why they chose to cut that last bit with Andy drinking scotch out, that killed me worse than anything that actually made it to air.

VAAAAAAN HELSIIIIIING!!!