The Goggles Do Nothing

Cons with getting pink eye…

  • It is highly contagious, so you must stay away from everyone.
  • Waking up and realizing that all the pus that has leaked out of your eye overnight has dried and crusted it shut.
  • Eye drops. I am pathologically afraid of putting stuff in my eyes, so I have to ask my mom to do it for me while I squirm like a little girlie man.
  • I have to hang out with my parents all day.
  • Everyone assumes that someone just farted on your pillow, like in Knocked Up.

Pros with getting pink eye…

  • It is highly contagious, so everyone must stay away from you.
  • You can skip work guilt free but you’re not bedridden all day at home. I went rollerskating today. (I didn’t, but I could have.)

The doctor says it’s likely caused by the cold I’ve been fighting all week…but I suspect that the pile of feces I found next to that homeless man I smeared all over my face had something to do with it as well. Truthfully, I’m most bummed out by the fact that I have the prettiest girl in the whole wide world, and I can’t have hot eyeball-on-eyeball action with her.

Time for links.

This is Christopher Walken’s spoken word version of Lady Gaga’s Poker Face. For all the fantastic Christopher Walken impressions there are out there, nothing beats the real thing.

– Have I posted this Hyperizer commercial yet? Well I have now. Man, I wish I was black too.

This has to be pretty much the greatest crowning achievement in any white person’s life. And putting these together has to be the greatest crowning achievement of an Asian person’s life.

Floodgate wheels are horizontal!



Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.



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