Nostalgia engine kicks in right about...now. This is going to be a rather lengthy one, I'm afraid. Like article long. Today's theme will be ninjas. And I'm not going to throw in any Ultimate Power references. I'm sorry, it's just so worn out and cliché. This post is too damn cool for that crap.

I've expressed my joyous expectations towards that new Teenage Mutant Ninja comic by Dreamwave in the past...but...turns out it's not to my fancy. It felt too kiddie-like, and I was looking for more of the "ninja" angle than the "teenage" one. So that was a bust. But now apparently there's talk about yet another new title by Mirage, which actually looks pretty cool. Deals with the original idea, the 1980's, delicious inking...and look at those pictures of Leonardo and Michaelangelo. That's bad ass.

There's always been something weird about the turtles - it never really bothered me, but when you stop and think about it, it doesn't really mesh. And by that, I mean aside from the glaringly obvious fact that they are teenage, mutant, ninja, turtles. See...the shells make them look big. Maybe even a bit fat. Not very ninja-like at all. Look at the more conventional ninjas (Google, I love you) - Strider Hiryu, Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Elektra, Shinobi, and the coolest ninja of all time...Ninjzz. (More on him later!) Bulky ninja turtles just don't make that much sense. But maybe that's why I love them.

Anyway - about Ninjzz...did anyone recognize that shot? It's from The Botsmaster, a brilliant cartoon from the early 90's. My fellow children of the 90's - this is one of the few shows we can claim as our own. And it was so damn good - right up there with Ninja Turtles, X-Men, The Tick, and Batman: The Animated Series. Unfortunately, it was a rather short run, and unfortunately, very few people have heard of it. But my memories of that show are among the most cherished memories I have. And it had one of the top theme/"heroes come in to kick ass and blow up all the enemies" songs in all of animated history. And up against such heavy weights as X-Men, Batman, and Chip N' Dale: Rescue Rangers (seriously), that's saying a lot. And no, I didn't forget Spider-Man. That show sucked so much, it blew. Here's the Bots Master page I ripped all this stuff from.

The real highlight of the show - aside from the godly theme song - was Ninjzz. And to truly understand his greatness, you have to examine the context. During the 1980's and the early 1990's, the big cartoon top dogs all had one of two essential elements - ninjas or robots. The Turtles obviously had the ninja angle going for them, Optimus Prime, Soundwave, Grimlock, and Megatron were synonymous with "giant ass kicking robots," and Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow were the second and third coolest ninjas of all time, respectively. But then this new player arrives, who - get this - is a robot ninja. That type of thinking back then was absolutely unprecedented. You can talk about the Industrial Revolution, the invention of the printing press, the vaccine for polio, MS-DOS in IBM computers, the atomic bomb, the domestication of cattle...hell, you can talk about the discovery of fire - and I will talk about Ninjzz. And did you go download the theme song I've been raving about yet? He's got the coolest voice this side of Kevin Conroy (Batman) and Mark Hamill (Joker). And he's got three arms, one of which is a crossbow. Three goddam arms! How are you supposed to fight a robot ninja with three arms!?! How the FUCK are you supposed to touch THAT shit!?! Lord Sweet Pappy Johnson with an erection - you can't.

...ah hell. You know, I had a few more ninja links here...but then I got started on Ninjzz, up to the point where I started swearing and foaming at the mouth...and really, I just can't go on. How can you follow up Ninjzz? I know I can't. Anything I link to afterwards would be nothing. It'd be like finding the remote under the cushion after realizing you could control the television telepathically. So I'm going to take a break, get a breather, and finish off this post tomorrow after a solid night's sleep. Which will undoubtedly be full of old 80's and 90's cartoon dreamy wackiness now. Whew.

9/30/2003 12:31:00 AM | Comments (0)

The Big Hit #1

What is "The Big Hit"? Well ever since I've been a part of the Wambag, I've had like 3 posts. That's pretty sad and you know what, I've always wanted to post more, but I'm just too darn lazy. I mean, why post on a blog site when I could be:
a) Playing videogames
b) Watching sports
c) Downloading internet kiddy porn
d) Downloading internet kiddy porn

Well as opposed to posting like once or twice in a month randomly, I've decided to make Friday my "scheduled" post time. Like Yak, I will put up a bunch of neato links I've come across during the week and perhaps I'll make things interesting in the weeks to come (probably won't cause I'm lazy).

1) www.fuckmarrykill.com Given a choice between Anna Kournikova, Beyonce Knowles, and Claire Daines, you have to kill one of them, marry one of them, and *ahem* FUCK one of them. Oh the choices...

2) www.badtoonrising.com Ever wanted to draw something in class, say a cartoon character? I know I have, but I can never remember how the fuck they look! You can always see them perfectly in your head, but when it comes to put them on paper, you end up with something that looks like the character got beaten by a bat.

3) http://movies.flabber.nl/Ford.Ka/ A commercial for the "Ford Sportka". 1 pigeon dead... 30957123591 more to go. If everyone in the world bought one of these cars, we could finally rid the world of pigeons.

4) www.gunbound.net Ahh yes Gunbound, my new favorite online game. Imagine "Worms" and the classic "Scorched Earth". This game is like a combo of both, but FREE! The graphics are awfully pretty for a free thing and there is online play. This is quite possibly one of the coolest things I've stumbled upon during my journeys through the net. (95mb download)

Ok thats all I've got, so scram. Kobe!

9/26/2003 12:02:00 PM | Comments (0)

Good trailer. Go now!

9/25/2003 02:52:00 PM | Comments (0)

Here's a nifty German site I found with some neato pictures of concept cell phones. It's pretty spiffy, but I'm a little iffy on the whole movement towards video phones. I really don't want to see or be seen by the person I'm calling. I mean, that way I won't be able to talk on the phone and be naked at the same time. And frankly, that is one liberty I will not give up. Ever.

And I was also a bit disappointed in how none of these concept phones have stun gun technology. What's up with that? And that stun gun sucks too. You can't even use it as a cell phone. Though I guess that's for the best...I don't really want to press the wrong button and discharge 180,000 volts into the side of my face while I'm calling for a ride. But the thing I really don't get is this silent alarm dealie. I mean...it's silent. What does it matter if it's 130 decibels? I can't hear it. You can't hear it. All the dogs within a 50 mile radius probably could, but I unless I'm about to be raped by a giant cat, I really don't care.

All this concept stuff is baloney. They should actually go and find out what I want in my phone instead of telling me what I want. I don't want any video calls. I want taser capability. And laser capability. And time travel. Dammit, I want to live!

Oh, and since I can't think of a way to relate this link to anything cell phone related, I'll just give up and post it. It's pretty straight forward. $123 for a bag of air. Booyah! Watch out for that violent wind.

9/24/2003 09:43:00 PM | Comments (0)

I apologize - I got so wrapped up in my Chris Farley utterings that I forgot to post up the other bizzare news goodness I had. So here they go, complete with matching witty comment for no extra charge. ...except for your first born child. So if you don't want to lose the little fellow, then don't read past the links. Because I'll know. I have brain powers that let me know. ...okay, sorry, enough with that. To the links!

Jawbreaker candy explodes. Dear goodness. Poor girl, it did a lot more than break her jaw. What scares me is that there's enough chemicals in those suckers so that explosive reactions can be triggered by just sunlight. I'm gonna stick to just gummies and chocolate from now on - no more hard candy for me.

U.S. soldier kills Baghdad tiger. And "Baghdad tiger" isn't some secret code name for an Iraqi war machine. It's just a tiger. This one just makes me laugh. That's what American soldiers do with their time now? Party in zoos, drink beer, and feed hunger stricken carnivores their limbs? And what the hell is up with having a party in a zoo? All sorts of crude, unmentionable, and goat-filled reasons come to mind...but seeing as how they're unmentionable, I will refrain from mentioning them.

And lastly - this one's a beauty - a keyboard for...ONE MEEELLION DOLLAHS. From Amazon, no less. The product reviews are brilliant. But I can't seem to figure out how to view them all, and they always seem to be different whenever I check the page. But some highlights include...
"It also gives you 3 wishes, all will be granted, there are no rules for these wishes, heck I even wished For more wises and I GOT THAT WISH!"
I mean, that right there's just quality hilarity. But my favourite review has to be this one...
"It's telepathic. for the offering price, you simply think, and it does the work. i was able to complete my latest book in matter of 4 days by simply looking at the keyboard.
It also is hard at work on the war on terror. It has typed, on its own, several letters to the FBI on suspected terrorists.
It's also running for governor of california.
It cured my dandruff. It wrote another harry potter.
It cured my email virus problem. It's way more potent than herbal viagra.
Worth every penny."
Hell, it's got enough hypothetical balls to go up against Ahnuld, of all people. How can you not pass up this offer? I sure can't. Anyone looking for an extra spleen...just in case? Drop me a line, it'll be something like 5 G's, straight up. I'll take care of the operation myself with a plastic KFC fork/napkin set to save operation costs, and to keep it all hush hush.

And on a completely unrelated matter...does anyone know where the spleen is located? Say, in a skinny 5'7" chinese body? I'm just curious.

9/21/2003 04:32:00 PM | Comments (0)

Just got this little bit of news for you today. And it's one of those that make you sit back and wonder..."What the bloomin' baskets of bosh is this!?!" Not because it's a ridiculous story - I can actually imagine this scene quite clearly in my mind's eye - but because it's considered worthy enough to post as "news." The fact that they mentioned what song it was and added a file picture of Justin Timberlake...just makes no sense.

But again, the story itself isn't that outrageous. In fact, it could quite possibly have been me in that story instead. Here's the set-up. Some 19 year-old (ie. me), driving around (something I do), singing along to a Justin Timberlake song (also something I do). And specifically Rock Your Body, which is my favourite of his four singles. At this point, a bee flies into his mouth. Now that's never actually happened to me, because thankfully my life has been rather bee-free. But his reaction of swerving the car into a tree in a blind panic to get rid of the bee seems quite consistent with what I would do.

And I don't really know all the details of Mr. Nunes' reaction, but I think mine would have a definite Chris Farley feel to it. I mean...you can imagine it too, right?
"Don't be so quick to...walk away. Dance with me, I wanna - EYGH!!! For the love of God, a bee is IN MY MOUTH!!! I can't DRIVE! *frantic thrashing from side to side* OH MY GOD! It's a BEE!!! THEY'RE HUGE AND THEY STING CRAZY!!! YOUR FIREARMS ARE USELESS AGAINST THEM!!! AHH I CAN'T STOP - there's a tree! Oh my God, we're burning alive, I can't feel my legs!"
And then the ambulance comes, and the medic gets out and says "OH...MY...GOD." And the new guy's in the corner puking his guts out - HUUYRUK! HUUYRUK!!!

...or, you know...something to that effect. Bonus points to the more observant WAMBAG readers, who noticed I actually combined two Chris Farley lines there, and rather seamlessly I'm proud to say. And I had some trouble figuring out the correct onomatopoeia for puking. "Huuyruk" sounds too much like a fighting game move, like "shoryuken" or something.

9/20/2003 07:02:00 PM | Comments (0)

Any math majors here? Computer science guys? Engineers? Science majors? OAC math takers? Whatever.

A few months ago (July 24) I posted a page that collected a lot of lines from The Simpsons that involved the use of language, historal timbits of fact, or whatever as some hilarious - yet amazingly subtle - jokes. Well now here's a page dedicated to identifying the subtle lines in The Simpsons that are based on math. The real shocker is that if you check the page on the writers, it turns out that there's a whole bunch of them that have PhD's from Harvard or Berkeley, from Computer Science to Inorganic Chemistry. How one would go from graduate school to writing sitcoms is something I don't really understand, but dearly wish to know.

It's all quite interesting, if nerdy, and I'd wager that you'd need at least OAC Calculus to even get some of these. Like when Bart becomes gifted (hyuck!) and the teacher differentiates y = r³/3. I'd be lying if I'd said that being able to understand Simpsons jokes wasn't the greatest real life application of math that I've come across so far.

So I did some sniffing around, and it turns out there's even nerdier (and thus funnier) lines in Futurama. Here's the page, but unfortunately it's in Spanish. One nice one is how Bender's serial number is 1792 - which is the second Taxicab number. Taxicab numbers are (of course), natural numbers that can be expressed as the sum of two cubes in n ways, where n is the degree of the Taxicab number. Thus...
Taxicab(1) = 2 (1³ + 1³)
Taxicab(2) = 1729 (1³ + 12³ = 9³ + 10³)
Taxicab(3) = 87539319 (167³ + 436³ = 228³ + 423³ = 255³ + 414³)
...and so on. It only goes up to five though, because to this day, the sixth Taxicab number is still unknown. I'd give you the other two numbers, but typing out all those ^{'s and}'s nearly cost me my life. If you don't hable español, then you can check the rest via The Great Babel Fish (the one single reason I didn't fail grade 8 or 9 French).

9/18/2003 01:55:00 PM | Comments (0)

Learned this morning that Christian Bale will be the next Batman. It's good news to me. Actually, I've been hearing nothing but good news for the next Batman movie.

Christopher Nolan as director - Momento's one of my favourite movies. Like...top ten, maybe top five if I took the time to think about it. No more ice skating, rubber nipple wearing, anti-shark spraying Batmen anymore baby! Grim and gritty - that's the way to go. Ain't It Cool News has some additional information, saying it's going to be an "early" Batman type of deal, and with Ra's Al Ghul as the main baddie. Both sound great to me - I always thought Ra's Al Ghul was pretty badass.

But if it's going to be early Batman, that means it's gotta be early Jim Gordon, and in a more prominent role as well. My casting suggestion? ...Ahnuld. Done. Think about it - add a mustache, give him a trenchcoat, and it's like he was born for the role. ...or if he's busy with his California thing, then Kiefer Sutherland (aka Psycho Jack Bauer) would be the ideal Gordon. Both casting suggestions of course, shouldn't come as a surprise for anyone that visits this site. And thus, I have fulfilled the quota of one Ahnuld mention per update. I'll be honest - it's a very satisfying life, this one I lead.

9/12/2003 10:49:00 PM | Comments (0)

I'll make this quick, because I'm exhausted, and hovering in and out of sleep. I have a bunch of links and I was trying to think of clever and witty ways to string them together...but then I couldn't, so I gave up.

Here's a shot of a real long fooz ball ("Foos ball?" "Table soccer?") table. It'd suck if the ball was on the other end of the table - you'd have to wait half an hour before it came to you. But I think it'd be crazy with one-on-one or maybe even teams of two or three. Running up and down the table and stuff...probably more of an endurance test more than anything though.

Teh lowest note evar...is apparently a B-flat, produced by a black hole 250 million light years away. So apparently - if I got my astrophysics right - if I made a piano 57 times longer...I could make a galaxy cluster. That, or implode the Milky Way. ...ho ho, what a fantastic comic book story idea!

Some weird Flash movie. Stickmen (though not technically stickmen, I guess) killing other stickmen. Cool music, especially the banjo-ish vibe. And yes...I think that's Jesus. I don't get it either.

What's that? Yes sir, it's time for yet another optical illusion! So how dirty is your mind? First, take a look at this picture. And then count how long it takes you to see the nine dolphins. And thus, the amount of mind dirt you have is directly proportional to the amount of time required. ..and yes, I assure you that there are indeed dolphins in the picture.

...quickly, someone spot me $69,000...US. It's for uh...tuition. Yeah...tuition.

Oh, and apparently according to my mum, I was on television today. Allegedly, I got at least five whole seconds of solid air-time on some university segment for the news on the chinese channel. ...you know, channel 36? And it's solid prominent stuff too, like just me walking towards the camera. ...though it's possible my mommy exaggerated to make me feel specialler. Though I do remember coming across two chinese guys (one had a cigarette), a big camera, and a van during the course of my day today. Keep watching - next month I'll work my way up to having my own special on Comedy Central. It gets real sweet at that point.

9/11/2003 12:32:00 AM | Comments (0)

Digital Apps class part 2...

Well I'm in Digital Apps again, and this time we've moved on to Photoshop. We are doing beginner stuff and this is pretty boring seeing as how I'm so badass and better than everyone else :). So yesterday was the first sunday of the NFL season and I actually watched two full games. That's right, from beginning to end. You know what? I enjoyed them too!
I have some links I want to put up, but I have no idea how, so Yak... teach me sir.

This place really is dead, seeing as how it's just Yak and I posting. Start posting!

9/08/2003 10:59:00 AM | Comments (0)

Remember when I said I'd stop posting? ...yeah, I lied.

And remember when I called that the Blue Jays would make the playoffs? Yeah...uh...no. It's like they heard me and said "Oh yeah? We'll show that Yak fellow for having faith in us! What a sorry mistake! And while we're at it, let's cut the 'Blue' out of 'Blue Jays' to spite him even more!" Though I have decided that my official stance on the new logo is one of likingness. ...meaning I like the new logo. Officially.

And remember I'd said I'd add a new section to the site (The WAM) "real soon?" Yeah...I lied. But don't worry - we got huge ideas for it, and it's going to be sweet, only it's not going to be up for the next little bit. But real soon, I swear it. This time it'll be different. ...and by "different" of course, I mean "exactly the same."

Oh right, a link. Uh...what do I have in the bag for you today? Oh yes. Nothing fancy, but I do have such pride in our consistency. <Ahnuld>Da eggs...dey do nuthing!</Ahnuld> Two murderous robots from the far flung future, a Predator, fifty billion terrorists, and Satan himself couldn't stop the man. Did you really think a single simple egg would? Fools!

9/07/2003 04:24:00 PM | Comments (0)

What a time to do my first post on this site. Right from school. That's right, I'm sitting here in my Digital Apps class and I got bored, so you know what, why not WAMBAG it up. We're learning how to use Illustrator right now and it's real boring. Unlike Yak, I have no cool links and stuff to throw up since this ain't my computer (btw I'm using a MAC!, I shudder at the thought). See you bitches later, I'm out to "learn" Illustrator.

9/04/2003 11:07:00 AM | Comments (0)

Today's a big day for Yak the comic book nerd. Street Fighter #1, JLA/Avengers #1, Transformers vs. G.I.Joe #1...all out today. Now all I need is a way to get to the store...

Sometimes when I stumble upon a neato link, I stash it away for later bloggage or whatever. But sometimes I forget I stashed it, and I find them again weeks later. Such is the case today. Half of them were dead and broken, and I sadly don't have a clever post theme to fit them all in, but...here they are anyway. The ones that work, at least.
staplerfahrer_klaus.wmv - A German training video for working with forklifts. The real kicker is that I think this video is actually used. First two minutes or so are pretty boring, but the fun begins after that.
Cockroaches hamper domino topple attempt - Ho ho ho! I can only imagine the pure rage this girl has for cockroaches now. It might even rival mine for seagulls.
They turn by themselves! - An insane optical illusion. Yeah, and it's not a .gif - I thought of that too.
New Lakers uniform - <Dave Chappelle>Kobe!</Dave Chappelle>

And I'm looking at my stash (a .txt file I found tucked into some miscellaneous folder)...and I see the words "Bubbles - Bidibodi Bidibu" at the bottom. I don't know what the hell it means, and I don't remember what it refers to, but I'd thought I'd let you know in case it ever comes in handy during a moment of crisis. Like if it's the remote access password to the nuke you've placed a thousand feet into an asteriod. Or something, I don't know. No need to thank me - I live to give.

9/03/2003 03:48:00 PM | Comments (0)

It's tearnin' up my heart when I'm with you... Goodness gracious, I'm hooked.

Remember when I mentioned a wacky rumour going around that the Toronto Blue Jays were going to drop the "Blue" out of "Blue Jays" and add black to the uniform? (Thursday, June 12th, 2003...biatches!) Well turns out the "Jays" part was right on the money, and I have no doubt the black will be following up soon. There's even a new team logo.

...I'm still not completely decided on what my stance is. I'm still filled with the standard fan reaction to change (extreme negativity), so I'll think about it for a little and then decide. On one hand, it's better than the T-bird logo, but I still love that old school one. I don't have any serious problems with the new logo (...yet), but...I would really like to find the guy who suggested cutting the "Blue" out of "Blue Jays"...and kick him in the groin. I hear that the full story's going to break tomorrow, so I'll be checking it out then.

But hey - at least it's better than Houston's new logo. That sucker looks like it's straight out of Quake or something. ...ugh.

9/02/2003 07:08:00 PM | Comments (0)

Sometimes...odd things just happen to me. And sometimes, it's not my fault. At about 3:00 PM in the afternoon, right in the middle of a Spider-Man air combo (the 4th hit, actually), I was suddenly overcome with the urge to listen to the song...Tearin' Up My Heart by NSYNC. It came suddenly, unannounced, and without precedent - I still have no idea what caused it. And initially, for a very brief moment, I was filled with absolute TERROR because I realized the last time I had heard (or just thought about) this song was at a school dance five years ago. And now, for some God-forsaken reason...it's back.

Ah well. But let me just say...it's a damned good song. I can't get it out of my head now. It is damn good. And now I can't remember what I wanted to update about. So I'll have to do tomorrow. Here's the lyrics...so sing along. You know you want to. I know you want to. Everyone knows you want to.

9/02/2003 01:02:00 AM | Comments (0)