The Return Of Tuesday

(soundtrack)
Believe It Or Not - Joey Scarbury (think George's Answering Machine)

Just didn't want people to think that because I hadn't really been posting on Tuesdays that I was done gushing about them. Cuz I ain't!

Nah, I was just trying to spare you people of all the nitty gritty details that go on whenever I'm visiting Natasha's place. I've settled into my preferred role of "sexually non-threatening, borderline homosexual confidant". It's easy, especially during this time where she's having this huge emotional conflict over (what else?) some dude. It's juicy stuff. It involves religion and morality and intimacy and all that good shit. As you know, I am a master of all those subjects and thus, can provide her with expert advice on how to live her life. It's weird. Something about being around her clears my head. Sometimes I find myself giving her advice that makes so much sense that I have to step back and be like, "Whoa"!

Today was fun because I was exhausted and she was sick so we made quite a pair. We shared an apple, which was nice. I told her about one of my old flames. And I told her to take a nap so that she would feel better. Before I left, I turned off all the lights in her room, one by one. It was a cool moment, for sure.

Some random things:

- The bus ride home was a total haze. I was falling asleep the whole time on the subway and the bus...barely registering what was around me...and then I was home. You all know what I'm talking about.

- Rebecca from my Drama class is so hot that I cry myself to sleep at night.

- Gary, I have the name for our album: Pomosexuality. You see, "Pomo" is the slang term for Postmodernism, which is an art movement based on the belief that there are no more original ideas and all that is left is to copy existing art. That way, if we're derivative, people will think it's on purpose.

- Max, seriously, don't do it.

That's all I got for today. Maybe I'll follow my own advice and get some sleep.

3/31/2004 02:26:00 AM | Comments (0)

Some more cartoon nostalgia - this time it's My Little Pony. Now, honestly speaking here - I didn't even know when this show was on. So I didn't even have the chance to renounce my manhood...which I most certainly would have effectively done, if I had indeed watched My Little Pony at that age and admitted it. Even under torture. However - once again - I didn't have the chance. Whether or not I would have done so is another matter entirely.

But apparently...it was a pretty cool show. So come on - who watched this as a kid? Fess up. No one will laugh at you and call you a dickless piece of trash.

You know what I did watch, though? Captain Planet. Though it didn't really make a lot of sense. You already had rings that shot fire, control earth and water, make hurricanes, and...uh...talk to animals - and you give that all up to summon a loser with a weakness to pollution? Come on now. What's pollution? If I threw a gum wrapper on the ground- that's pollution. If I ever saw Captain Planet flying at me, I'd just throw some old reciepts in his face and book it. Seriously...would you give up a ring that could shoot spouts of controllable flame to summon this guy?

Ah, hell. You know what? No more games - let's just get on with the cosplay posting. Just to be clear, I like these cosplays. You'll see why.

- Yuna! Least I think it's "Yuna" - I lost track after FF8. You know what really sells this one? The cigarette.

- Itsa you, Mario! Seriously, that Princess is SMOKIN'. That Toad looks like he's been doing some smokin' too. Hey...if he was high on mushrooms...would that be cannibalism?

- "GUNDAM!" You can really feel the passion.

- Super Duper Ludacris Saiyan Level 562! Forget how bad it looks - just imagine the balance you would need to just walk around without it tipping sideways and breaking your neck. The physics behind it is just incredible.

And that's it!

3/30/2004 08:35:00 PM | Comments (0)

Well, it's Monday night again. Technically Tuesday now, but you get what I mean. So that means it's time for - yes, you guessed it - MORE HILARIOUS ORGANIC CHEMISTRY JOKES!!! Back by unpopular demand!

Name the following compounds!

What's this? Four carbons, nitrogen group...it must be butylamine!

Now name THIS!

Hurm...four carbons, Vash the 60 Billion Dollar Man substituent...it must be butylANIME!!!

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!! Get it!?! Amine and anime!?! I thought that one up by myself!

me = teh winnar!!!

3/30/2004 12:29:00 AM | Comments (0)

McCarty Slang

(soundtrack)
Low - Cracker

I sooooo don't want to finish my Intro To Film Essay.

It's funny because I also have this project on childhood autism to finish and my group and I have NO idea what we're doing. It's due on Tuesday also. All we have to do is stand around and talk , so it shouldn't be a big problem. It's just one more thing though.

In case you're wondering about the title, I always wanted to use it for VoX, the (un)official magazine of Markam District High School. As you all know I used to write a pretty kickass b-ball section and I always thought this would be a great title for a story about Boston Celtics forward Walter (WALTAH!) McCarty. Unfortunately, there isn't much to say about him so it never came around. Then again, I did write an article about the Celtics so I could have put a picture of him in there and then...ah, never mind. *sigh* More regrets about high school...

On Friday, I was hanging out at Angel's and we were watching Pride And Prejudice. If you don't know what it is, it's this British period piece about wealthy people and their problems and social class and blah blah f'in' blah! Cot' damn this movie was boring! And she told me it was over FOUR hours long! What the hell is that? And it's just people standing around and walking and talking and doing nothing! It sucks! Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy intellectual cinema but come on, someone has got to die. Maybe two people. I think there should be some kind of rule that in any dramatic film, at least one person should die for every hour and a half of film. Is that asking too much? Luckily she had some stuffed animals around so I amused myself by having them sodomize each other. I even used props.

I watched this other movie last night called The Returner. It's a Japanese flick. It's like The Terminator meets The Matrix meets Transformers meets E.T. meets...whatever, this movie was way too derivative for me to list every flick or show that it ripped off. The funny thing is, as usual I was watching it with the subtitles on and the subtitles had NOTHING to do with the dubbed dialogue. The subs were the proper translation while the dub was obviously meant to sync the voices with the mouth movement. So you'd have the dub say something like, "Come on, we've got to get out of here! This place is about to blow up like an old man after too much dairy!" and the sub is like, "Run!" Awesome. It doesn't help that the movie ends in this temporal paradox that's just like, WTF mate?

A'ight, I'm getting back to work. I just came on to post another Ben Affleck skit, anyway. If you can find this episode and download it, do it. It was awesome.

The Full Moon Killer - Read it and laugh. Oh yeah, it mentions it, but when you're reading make sure you imagine Ben's voice as sounding really pretentious and slightly British. Like people in Pride And Prejudice! Full circle!

"And when I leave, come together like butt cheeks!"

3/28/2004 09:47:00 PM | Comments (0)

Was feelin' a little nostalgic after yesterday - and so it was a happy coincidence that I happened to stumble across these two links. Please, please, please tell me if you remember these and they aren't just fabricated memories left over from my days in the Weapon X program.

First - BATTLE BEASTS! I'm not completely sure, but apparently there was a cartoon of these guys, and they were...bizzare Transformers spin-offs? I have no idea - I just had a billion of the toys in my basement when I was a wee lad. ...well, more accurately, I stole them from my cousin. And recently, he stole them back. So...I don't really have them anymore. But MAN, these toys ROCKED. They had this little patch of something on their chests, where if you rubbed them real hard, it would show whether they were wood, fire, or water. And it was pretty friggin' hard to rub them - hurt my thumb like the devil. Water puts out fire, fire burns wood, wood...uh...floats...in water...COME ON, I'm not the only one that had these, am I!?!

Okay, then what about Dino Riders!?! I actually remember watching the show and buying the toys. My favourite was the torosaurus. Combining dinosaurs with tons of insane looking lasers...how could a kid resist this show? Who cares if you took off all it's guns? It's still a frickin' dinosaur! Unfortunately - being as elaborate as they are - the add-on armaments didn't really survive the tests of time, and I don't think I have a single Dino Rider still in one piece. But I do have memories. Oh, the memories. I weep for you if you were a dirty immigrant who came from Boston or Hong Kong and missed out on "DI-NO RIIIDERS!!!"

...I also vaguely remember a cartoon about Ewoks...but I have a feeling that the less said about that one, the better.

3/28/2004 03:26:00 PM | Comments (0)

As you may know, The WAMBAG is a big proponent of cosplaying. And more specifically, the mocking of those involved in cosplaying. To further the cause, I have here for you today...

CELEBRITY COSPLAY.

Continue at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn ya. Some notably bad lookalikes are Mr. Spock and WAMBAG-approved body builder, action hero, and governah of caleeforneea Arnold.

It seems that to be a celebrity look-a-like, all you need to do is have the same hair and skin colour. And it helps if you're the same sex, but that's not a must. So, who thinks I look like Chow Yun Fat? Anyone?

3/26/2004 02:26:00 PM | Comments (0)

...what the heck? Check this out. A recent unveiling at a cellphone exhibition includes a cellphone add-on that works as a...contraceptive?

Bizzare. It uses ultrasound to destroy sperm cells, and it's apparently pretty potent and specific just to the sperm - no permanent damage to speak of to rest of the plumbing. But I mean...should cellphones really have this much power? Makes me uncomfortable. Though I wouldn't completely rule out the notion of buying one - I think'd it'd be hilarious to walk around destroying other people's sperm. I'm just terrified there's other people like me out there who are thinking the same thing. But imagine the comedic possibilities. You're sitting down with friends for bubble tea or whatever the hell people do these days, you have a good laugh, you pay the bill, stand up to leave, and then you whip out the line..."Hey, by the way - your sperm? Dey have been termahnated. AH HA HA HA HA DAICHO PUYI!!!"

3/25/2004 11:39:00 PM | Comments (0)

And for a completely unprecedented SEVENTH post in FOUR days from FOUR different posters...I bring you Stork Patrol.

3/24/2004 08:15:00 PM | Comments (0)

Die, Max Wong, Die!

Your Heart Is Now Broken - Max, just scroll down to the second item and read the bit about Ray Allen.

Marge: Come on kids, let's just enjoy the rest of the state fair.
Lisa: You mean state "un"-fair.
Marge: Yeah, Lisa, that's what I meant. State "un"-fair.
Bart: ZING!

3/24/2004 06:58:00 PM | Comments (0)

I think you guys take the WAMBAG for granted. Do you see a banner ad at the top of this site? Or a little bit of corporate sponsorship? No. Because we're better than that. We're not going to sell out. Trust me, if we had the chance, we would have done that a long time ago. But we didn't. Partly because we can't, but mostly because we care. About you. The reader. Do you think it's free to keep this site running on the complimentary Rogers webspace that comes with Gary's internet connection? The word you are looking for is NO. It's not.

To be blunt, this joint ain't making us the moneys, baby. And that's why I barely post in this shithole.

But that will all change. Why wait for the sponsorship to come to you, when you can make your very own "corporate sponsor"? And unfortunately, I don't mean selling cannabis (A little italicizing of latin/scientific terms there. I won't lose marks today, vindictive Bio TA. Not today.), because that's too legal. No, I'm thinking something more underhanded.

Of course, I can't think about one topic for more than a half minute, so whatever. We'll sell weed. But to appropriate the start up funds, I think we should start our own official WAMBAG restaurant chain. Now I know Canadians like Donuts. And we are in Canada. So the logical next step is to open a WAMBAG donut store. But the T.Ho's got that market covered. So I'm thinking of something a little more unconventional. Something like...

THIS!

It's healthy, AND has a mallet. You can't go wrong with those two great tastes.

In conclusion, I just wanted an excuse to post a very bad pun involving our site name. Now where can I get some pot?

3/24/2004 03:54:00 PM | Comments (0)

The Big Hit#11

What's this...TWO posts in one day??? I normally don't even make 2 posts in one month! Well this is a post is actually something I've meant to for a while now. I had a bunch of links I stored in my favorites section in IE, but most of them are dead now. So without further ado, here's what's left of em'.

1) Terminator 3 : Soundboard Ahh yes, these are mucho fun. "John Conner? It is time."

2) Cheesey Power Ranger Ripoff Z=normal attack, X=special attack, C=switch ranger, and arrow keys to move. It's actually a pretty sweet game. Combos and boss fights and all.

3) Make a Mr.Men/Women Remember those old school books featuring Mr.Men and Ms.Women? You can now make your own horrific creations!

4) Matrix Explained This guy has WAY too much time on his hand.

5) Old Glory Robot Insurance Don't know if this has been posted before but my god this is a good one! This is a skit-commercial from a 1995 SNL. "Robots eat old people's medicine for fuel" "Person's denying the existence of robots, maybe robots themselves".

6) Sonic The Hedgehog Now THIS game is pretty sweet. It is a flash version of Sonic and by god it is done well. It's like you are actually playing on the genesis! Oh the wonders of flash...

7) Weird Inventions I particularily like the "wedge-proof underwear".

8) Robot Animals! Why was this contest devised? Why lord why?? I will admit though, some of this photoshop work is really nice. I particularily like the fly with the minigun and the ladybug.

Whew, 2 posts in a day. Well, I'm done for the month. See ya next year!

*Dave punches through a board* AHHHHH!!!!!! Get away from Oprah!

3/23/2004 06:55:00 PM | Comments (0)

The Big Hit #10?

Jeez, when was the last time I posted on this site...? Seems like it was MONTHS ago. Wait a minute, it was months ago! I am teh funney!

I don't even know what to talk about right now. I've been listening to "Under Pressure" by Queen over and over again and I'm currently 3 hours and 16 minutes into my 4 hour break. I have my drawing class next and I have no desire to go but I decided last night that I have go to get my life together. I've been completely falling apart these past weeks. ALL my work has been handed in late and I've been missing classes. Now this problem of course is an ongoing issue, I mean since like grade 11 but I'm almost at break point now. It's like I'm Kobe in NBA Street. I've got a gamebreaker already but I just can't get the friggin' ball back from Alex, so I lose it all and I end up crying and vomiting all over myself. Ok, that was a bad analogy and probably a different issue all together, but I think you get the idea. I don't want to disclose this issue on this page so I'll stop this ramble now.

Now, back to my falling apart at school thing. I haven't been to my digital applications class for THREE weeks now. So absolutely fricking useless I can't even describe it in words. I definetely should have tried to drop it in the first 2 weeks of school! Today, I skipped my digital class again, but with a good intention this time. I decided to get all of my late assignments finished between 8am - 3pm today (drawing starts at 3... nothing before that besides digital). I managed to complete all three assignments that were late so I feel pretty good about that. I also managed to make a trip down to the Eaton Centre to return my copy of UT2K4. I snagged the special edition of the game over the weekend, so I returned the normal version to get my money back. This game is so rediculously sweet. The SE is the same price as the normal version, but it comes with a metal case, a logitech headset, and a bonus dvd. Also, instead of coming on SIX CDROMS, it comes on one dvd. Ahh yes, no cd switching during installation...

I can't think of anything to blog about for now, so I'll just do everything else in point form.

-Seen the new Beyonce video yet? The video for "Naughty Girl" has Beyonce in it as well as...

USHER! He is so P I M P.

-The new Usher CD has been leaked online like 2 weeks early! Oh man, getting my life together couldn't be easier.

-I finally made my first 2 purchases from eBay. I bought a home Jordan jersey from $52 and a copy of WarioWare for GBAsp for $22. Actually, I received my jersey in the mail yesterday and I was a little underwhelmed. I knew it was a preowned jersey when I got it, but I was miffed at how the screen-printed number on the back were scratched. The vinyl was starting to come off a bit and it didn't look so hot. Oh well, I got screwed. Can't wait for WarioWare though! (unless it is also fuxored)

-I really got to apply for that summer job. I want to work as an instructor/guard at a pool near my house but I haven't got to applying yet. The problem is, assuming that the town of Ajax has a similar system to Markham, I'll have to do a Wet Training. Markham has already done all of theirs, so if Ajax has done all of theirs also, that means I'm screwed out of BOTH pools. I NEED to work over this summer for SPENDING money! I'm high maintenance and I spend lots of money on unessessary things every month!

-I'm looking outside the library window right now and there is a clown on George street smoking. The clown also has a bag of birdseed and he's feeding the pigeons. What is wrong with this guy... clowns AND pigeons.

-Alright 2:55pm now. I gotta get to class and draw naked people. I'm out.

Kobe!

3/23/2004 02:12:00 PM | Comments (0)

I Was Just Checkin' The...Uh, I Was Lookin' For The...I'm Retarded

(soundtrack)
American Boy - Chris Isaak

I don't mean to make it a habit of commenting on Will's posts, but just let me say that the female shoulder touch is one of the most devious and cruel weapons known to man. Oh, and Will, I liken your reaction to Charlie Brown getting hit by a baseball. Think about it. That is all.

I got some enormously relieving news today. You know how a movie has like, 1000 shots in it? Well I thought that I had this assignment to analyze every single shot in these two films for my Intro To Film class. I was freaking out, but I was thinking, "I guess that seems fair." I found out today I only need to take one sequence from each film. A sequence being about 15 to 50 shots. Title of post explained.

And some words of wisdom from Hugh Jackman:

"Yes, I've been lucky, but I believe in cause and effect. We lay the seeds of our future in our present. I never expected any of the things that have come into my life, but somehow, I must have been working for them all along."

Amen, Wolvie, amen.

3/22/2004 11:40:00 PM | Comments (0)

Mondays, boy I hate Mondays - they make me, so steamed. WEEKends, talkin' 'bout the WEEKend! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - ...yeah, I hate Mondays.

An absolutely bizzare Monday today, one that started with AL having what seemed to be an orgasmic-like joy in filling out the teacher evaluation forms for Narrative class. I mean...sure, this is finally a chance for retribution...but enjoying it that much just seems unnatural. I fear for this woman, despite all the inane, stuttering ramblings she's forced me to endure (or at least sleep through) this year.

I also failed at Chemistry, being the dickless piece of trash I am. No the course though, surprisingly. (That comes later.) But my crippling irrational fear for of all womankind has allowed this evil harpy to abuse me and steal my notes. And worse of all - make me like it. What can I do!?! She laughs at my jokes like she's trying to sell me a car with this honey-sweet siren call of a laugh, and a shoulder-touch later - BAM!!! I'm unconscious, lying outside on St. George and Bloor, naked, and noteless. And with the bizzare feeling that I actually came out of that successful.

And a public service announcement - that dude on the subway with the ridiculously old Jays cap, with one eye covered, and who sometimes seems to be looking in your direction? Yeah, word of advice - he is, he's a pervert, and it's not old, it's vintage, bitch. Is it so wrong for me to find girls with ponytails in baseball caps strangely alluring? Is this some sort of disgusting fetish I've developed from spending so much time with these fags from MDHS? Or has it been there the whole time, buried in my subconscious (sorry, "unconscious" according to Professor Lucas) and the reason I've woke up screaming "CROATOA!!!" in the middle of the night, every night for the last five years?

Still trying to figure out whether it's sick, sad, or both. Couldn't really help it - she was wearing a Leafs cap. Spent five minutes wondering whether or not I should just approach her, or go with the ol' trusty chloroform. And then I spent another five minutes wondering which line I should use - it was between "Hey baby - I'm Stanley. Wanna see my Cup?" and "Hey baby, maybe you should blow your whistle on my high-sticking...ya know wudda mean?" But then I realized (for the second time today) what a dickless piece of trash I was, and she got off.

But then I found a dime on the ground of Finch Station...so overall, I'd have to say it wasn't too shabby of a Monday.

"It's a...it's a Fender."

3/22/2004 11:11:00 PM | Comments (0)

There's Never A Week Better Than This...When You've Only Got A Hundred Years To Liiiiiiiiive... OR Kill Me Before I Become 30 OR Yet Another Post About My Three Lady Friends

(soundtrack)
Cyanide Breath Mint - Beck

It's that time again folks, where there is so much work to be done that you can't help but throw it all aside and update your blog instead! It's amazing how much you want to express yourself when you know you have more important things to do. Aaahhh, refreshing.

If you know this week's song (ignore the title of the post), then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. Blllaaaaarrrrrhhh...

To address some of Will's thoughts:

- The letter theory is a sound one, but I will always take Ken over Ryu. And how you gonna play Zangief like that? He's a finesse character.

- Didn't you see The Passion Of The Christ? The Jews control all the rulers so don't ask any questions.

- I don't know if they should bring back Elevator Action as a first person shooter, but they definitely gotta bring it back with some amped graphics. It would probably be the greatest Gameboy Advance game ever.

Despite my sentiments above, it's actually been a really good week. I found out my friend, Angel was a bisexual.

...

Cool.

I guess I'm desensitized to that sort of stuff and it was funny because we were sitting in the caf and I was getting her opinion on any fine honeys that happened to walk by. It reminds me of the times that Max and I used to go babe-watching through the halls of Markham District. You know, before he became addicted to gay porn and stuff.

But yeah, now I know exactly where I stand with my girls:

Michelle - Has been dating a guy for the last five years. The metaphorical switch in my head is on "off". It's that easy.

Natasha - We're really just friends and I'm disturbingly okay with that.

Angel - She's a bisexual. I do NOT get down like that, so there's definitely nothing going on here beyond friendship.

Three girls. No mixed signals. Good times. I walked Angel back to her res on Friday (it's like, 15 or 20 minutes off-campus!) and then we went up to her room. Her roommate, Megan, was a bit of a weirdo but I guess that's okay. I won't be around there often anyway. They both had guitars so, of course, I had to break out my stuff. After perusing Guitar Tab Universe (yeah Gary, I'm still using that site) for a while (no, I couldn't actually remember any songs) I decided to go with that ol' standby, Heart Of The Matter by Don Henley. Gets em' every time. It was definitely NOT my best work (kept forgetting the words for some reason), but she was sufficiently impressed. I'm the man.

I'm full of questions regarding this next unrelated topic: What is the deal with Julia Stiles? Why does this woman keep getting work? Why do girls seem to like her so much? Is she the next Julia Roberts? Doesn't Bring It On absolutely destroy Save The Last Dance? If I ever met her, would I be able to resist kicking her in the face?

Man, I hate Julia Stiles.

SNL Post Of The Post:

Finally, A Transcript From The Ben Affleck Episode! - This was fairly long for a pre-monologue sketch but it's hilarious. With his kick ass appearance and the (hopefully) excellent Jersey Girl coming up, I've only got one thing to say about Mr. Affleck: Don't call it a comeback!

On my way out, I'd just like to relay this bit of MSN dialogue that I had with the Ice Queen the other day:

Ice Queen: How can you like Mischa Barton? She can't act!
Me: Damn, you're jealous! Don't hate her cause' she's beautiful!
Ice Queen: (Blah, blah, blah...just think of Charlie Brown's teacher and you'll get the idea)
Me: Let me tell you something. If I was hanging out with you and she walked by and I had to choose between sticking with you or going with her...well, I'd go with her. But I'd feel bad about it later.

I'm such a charmer.

3/20/2004 11:52:00 PM | Comments (0)

What the hell? No one's updating this page? Ah...frick. ...I'm sorry, but in the absence of a real update for over 48 hours, I will need to resort to sharing half formed thoughts I found in my head while I was commuting home. Please proceed carefully.

- The goodness level of characters in Street Fighter II Turbo is inversely proportional to the length of their name. Who's the best? Ryu, at three letters. Followed by Ken - which has three as well (but I write my 'e' a little fatter than my 'y' so it's almost like...2.9 letters compared to 3.1). And then Guile at five. Blanka has six. Most people would tell you that Chun-Li's fifty times better than Blanka, but he was my favourite, so he gets the nod. Plus, that hyphen in Chun-Li bumps her to six letters PLUS a hyphen. And Blanka's real name is Jimmy, which has only five. E. Honda also has six, but you got a period and a blank space. Though in some versions of the game you could move while doing the hundred-hand-slap, which would put him above Blanka. Next is Dhalsim and Zangief at seven a piece, but Dhalism comes first based on the alphabet. And the fact that only one in fifty people could do the spinning pile driver (his only worthwhile move) really hurts the 'gief.

- These rankings go straight to hell when you factor in the bosses - M. Bison (6), Vega (4), Sagat (5), and Balrog (6).

- If there was a fish that tasted like chicken, smelled like chicken, looked like chicken, and was exactly like chicken in every possible way...would it still be a fish? Or would it be a chicken?

- Who came up with the first ruler? How'd they make it so straight? I mean, ruler makers nowadays can use other rulers to make sure the rulers they make will be straight...but how did they make THOSE rulers then? And then how did they make the rulers that align those? Was there one true, original ruler? One ruler to rule them all, one ruler to find them, one ruler to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them?

- ...wait, what?

- You know what game they should resurrect as a first person shooter? Elevator Action. That game was rockage. As was the music. Do do dododo doodoo do do...

- You know what? I just realized that it would be chicken. The guy who originally said it was a fish would be retarded.

...yeah, I need to go to sleep.

3/20/2004 12:58:00 AM | Comments (0)

I'm Back! I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back! I'm Back I'm Back Again! I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back!

(soundtrack)
I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness

As you've probably heard, I got the internet back on Monday. Sure, the internet at UofT was fine, but I didn't have my bookmarks and I could never get into a rhythm down there. I was just visiting ESPN and Sportsline and...that was it. Now I'm BACK!!! Also, the last couple of days have been kick ass!

Here's an exchange I had in my psych class (regarding child abuse):

Me: Hey, whenever my kid is acting up I'm never afraid to give him a little smack!
Safina: (taking me a little too seriously) You have a kid?
Me: (laughs) No, no.
Safina: (laughs) Oh, good.
Me: Well, none that I know of anyway if you know what I'm sayin'.

Damn, I'm good.

Yesterday started with me getting a one week extension on a film project that was originally due next Tuesday and which, in vintage Alex Lee fashion, I hadn't even started.

Then, I went to go see the world famous broadway musical, Mamma Mia! (aka a two hour long live ABBA music video) and let me tell you it changed my life. I went with my boy Julius, a couple, Vince (22year old[!], cool, quiet guy) and Helen (cute, but annoyingly self-obsessed), this girl named Mareeka (hot) and her roommate, Jessica (meh). The show itself was mind blowing. The lead girl was this cartoonishly cute and (ahem) voluptuous blonde girl. She was a little big boned-ed, but as you all know I like a healthy girl and her heaving bosom was mesmerising. Her voice was sexy as hell too. The three male leads ranged from terrible to good, with the pimp daddy being this guitar playing guy with a (faux?) British accent. This guy could sing. The main male lead could not. Everytime he had to hit the high ones, his face contorted so that it looked like he was being tortured in the fires of Hades. Just disturbing. Then there was the token Asian guy playing a horny and obviously over-excited kid named Pepper. No straight man could move like that, God bless im'. The scene that made it for me? The mother singing Slipping Through My Fingers followed by a heartwrenching rendition of The Winner Takes It All. Let's just say it got a little dusty in the theatre. Overall an amazing night capped off by...

...me sleeping over at Natasha's residence. Yep, I made the big step of sleeping over at someone's place who I've only known for about 6 months and within in that six months we've spent a total of, I don't know, a day and a half together. But she offered to let me stay (after I pulled the ol' "...and after the play's over, I don't know where I'm going to go!" routine) and I can never deny a lady's request. Before you guys get all presumptuous, I am definitely not interested in her in that way, even though it's an issue I've been flip-flopping over for the last few months. But for the last few weeks she's been trying to tell me how much she cares about me and how she thinks I'm a great friend (yeah, I know it sounds like I'm getting dissed but grow up people) and I've been...hesitant to accept that. Not the issue of only being her friend, but the fact that she considers me such a good friend. I mean, I've known this girl for such a brief time and I'm supposed to believe she cares about me that much? I've known some people for years and I know for a fact that they don't give a shit about me! Eventually, I had to cut the crap and just deal with the fact that maybe...just maybe this person actually likes me. She's a perfect friend and justifies two things:

1) The (what I once thought was insane) idea that you meet your lifelong friends in University. She's totally worth that sort of commitment.
2) My "decision" not to go to Queen's.

Don't get me wrong, there are nights, many nights, where I wonder how things would have been if Gary, Brian, myself and the rest had been able to go on this crazy 1st year adventure together...but I've been working all year to get over that and people like Natasha have been a huge help. Yesterday night, I tell her that I want her to meet William, which makes her happy, because I'd made this big deal about not wanting my friends to mix with each other. She asks me, "I thought you didn't want your worlds colliding?" (as I had so eloquently put it weeks ago). I look her in the eyes and tell her, "I'll get used to it." "You're so cute", she says incredulously, and she just keeps on smiling and staring at me like, "Will I ever figure you out, Alex Lee?" How can I not love this girl?

Best (worst?) of all, I opened up to her (ack!). Will, if you're reading you can skip this part because I already told you about this. Anyway, I felt I had to give her something because she was letting me stay over and because she'd been so straight about our relationship and you know how I hate mixed signals. So here's a paraphrasing of what I told her:

Natasha, when I'm around you I'm a complete jackass 80% of the time and, as you put it, "sweet, sensitive and cute" 20% of the time. (now remember, she doesn't see me that much so this means she's only seen the "sweet" side for a total of like, 10 minutes.) The jackass side of me is the one that's always making jokes at your expense and generally being a cold, emotionless jerk. (at this point she interjects,
pointing out the time I let her borrow my coat, the time I wrote her a letter and the copy of U2's All That You Can't Leave Behind CD that bought her because I felt crummy about missing her birthday party). Yeah, that's the nice side. You see so little of it and...I guess I'm grateful that you seem to believe that the sweet side is the real side. A long time ago, I think I was a pretty nice guy. I was young and optimistic, but over the years you've got to protect yourself and you put up (as she calls it) "walls". You have to keep reminding yourself that deep down you're actually still that sweet, sensitive guy but after so long acting hard and cold and all that bullshit, you wonder which side of you is the real one. What I'm trying to say is, I greatly appreciate you believing that the sweet, sensitive and cute side is the real one because if you can believe that, maybe there's some hope for me after all. END. Corny, I know, but fuck me if that's not a shared moment.

Some other notes:
- I slept on the floor in case you were wondering, ya shower of perverts!
- Her roommate, Tess, is so fine and she's finally starting to warm up to me. I would have never felt comfortable visiting so often if she didn't like me. It would just be like, "So...you're Natasha's roommate. How's that goin' for ya?" She's super cool.
- I woke up the next morning, walked to a Second Cup and had a muffin and some milk. I felt just like a resident!

I'm probably forgetting a whole bunch of stuff, but I've got to go watch all the crap I recorded over the last couple of days.

SNL Post Of The Post

Some Will Forte Skit That's Kind Of Like Bad Doctor - Whoa, I'm not saying it's anywhere near as good, but it has that same slapped together feel. Just give it a try. Will Forte is the next Will Ferrell, remember where you heard it first.

And More Rick James Stuff - My Christmas shopping is done.

And one more thing...Ben Affleck's SNL episode kicked all ass!!! (except maybe the Justin Timberlake episode)

Benyoncé!

3/17/2004 10:31:00 PM | Comments (0)

This is the strangest game I'm ever played.

That crazy bitch really does like fingers.

3/17/2004 12:05:00 AM | Comments (0)

Tired today. Got my ass kicked by Monday. Two random links.

A lot of freaky looking fish.

A new 400 GB hard drive. Weird that there's a company in Boston called the "Yankee Group." Too bad they haven't invented a hard drive that can hold all of Max's gay porn yet.

3/16/2004 12:09:00 AM | Comments (0)

I was thinking about it for a long while, trying to come up with something unusual and clever...but I just don't think you can top a good and reliable scream of "FUUUUUUCK!!!" at the top of your lungs.

By the way, I managed to transcribe Zach Braff's bit. It's "mother fucking cunt pussy licking tit fuck bitch...face?"

I'm looking forward to the increase in search engine hits.

3/13/2004 06:03:00 PM | Comments (0)

Got to thinkin' again (despite being aware of how dangerous that is), and I got to thinkin' about economy of movement. Or what laymen know as "laziness." And I started thinkin' about which corners of my life I could start cutting. So I started from the top - waking up. Couldn't really think of anything there, so I had to move on. Next stop - brushing my teeth and stuff. And so I realized that I waste a whole lot of time picking up my toothbrush and putting it down. And the same with the razor when I shave. So...what if I only needed one instrument to do both? Then, I wouldn't need to pick up and put down twice - I would only need to do it once! I mean...that's a whole 0.7 seconds of my life reclaimed, right there.

Ah yes - "But what sort of tool would this be!?!" Lady and gentlemen, I propose an invention. A toothbrush...with a razor at the end of it! ...or a razor that ends in a toothbrush. Doesn't really matter. And for kicks, we can attach a comb to it and BAM - another 0.7 seconds saved!

My friends - BEHOLD!!!

Pretty sweet, eh? And aside from the danger of slitting your own throat while you brush, it's relatively safe. Which as for as I'm concerned, is a welcome success for a change. Now, the second thing on the list would be to develop a substance that's both toothpaste and shaving cream. But I'm not that big a fan of shaving cream, so it might take awhile before I'm motivated to do that. And hey - don't steal my ideas you bastards.

3/12/2004 08:16:00 PM | Comments (0)

I had this nifty post about freezing time and stuff that I had mentally pieced together during the week...but then I saw this article this morning about a trumpet playing robot, and I've just forgotten all I was going to say.

Yeah, it's a great jump forward in robotics and whatnot, yadda yadda. But the only real point of interest for me is the little green leaf behind it's ear. I mean...that is PIMP.

...and that's all I got.

3/11/2004 12:53:00 PM | Comments (0)

Mail Muthafucka!

(soundtrack)
Waiting - Green Day

This title is for Tom and Dan. Thanks for taking me out, boys. Eurotrip rules!!! (Er...not so much)

I just had to post. Will's been valiantly holding down the fort as he always does and it's about time that I stopped letting something as small as no internet connection get in my way of posting on this site, the greatest site in the world!

Geez, what's been happening, what's been happening? I've been spending way more time at school than any commuter reasonably should. The plus side is, I'm almost starting to feel like I belong here. That feeling of "this is like a high school field trip when do I get to go back to Markham District?" is finally starting to subside. Here's to the three UofT MVPs of the last couple of weeks (Will not included. He's like Shaq. He's a dominant presence, but he's to be taken for granted. Deal with it.):

Michelle - Sick of hearing about her yet? Get used to it. She's just about the sweetest person I've met here. She's an Eileen/Nitasha type. I love being around her. I've actually been around her more than I've been around anybody else in the last couple of weeks. Except Max, of course...ugh. But yeah, as usual she's taking care of me and making sure that I'm having a good time. Every time I'm down, she tries (too) hard to get me to perk up and enjoy myself. And I severely need that right now. I can only hope that this is what people meant when they were telling me a year ago that you meet your lifelong friends in University.

Natasha - I'm not quite in the mood to write about her right now because the last two days that I've tried to visit her she's been out, but I think that's because she's in Kingston visiting a friend. So if any of you at Kingston read this and meet a sexy, crazy, religious fat girl down there, holla for me! But she's probably back now...anyway, she also helped me have a great time last Tuesday. Here's an exchange that occured while we were having dinner at Subway:

Natasha: Why are you looking at that girl?
Me: Cause' she's better looking than you.
Girl: (nervous smile, shuffes away)

And then she gave me the ol', "What did the five fingers say to the face?" routine. I deserved it, of course. It was all in good fun (for me, at least). She's a total nut and a little hyper, but I'm learning to deal with that. The fact that she lets me chill out in her room every Tuesday (my third least favourite day of the week) is something I will never take for granted. Oh, and she gave me this crappy compilation CD of Christian artists that she got for free the last time she went to Kingston. Zoegirl represent!

Angel Anyone who reads the WAMBAG has already heard (in person) my tales of her and our conversation about orange squeezing man slaves. She not only endured the stupidity of that topic for a half hour, she often furthered the conversation with intelligent and disturbing inquiries. It was insane. If she wasn't in Drama class, I swear I would fall asleep. Oh wait, I do that anyway. Then she writes on my hand. I really hate that. And we play hangman. Hmm, I'm not making her sound all that special. Let me just say that she is one of the few girls (Jess included) that gets my...nay, the WAMBAG style of humour. And she's getting her hair cut today for some Cancer thing. WHY!?!?!??!

So there it is. Three ladies who have not only saved my sanity over the last few weeks, but have made this first year that much more memorable. I love em' all.

I'd like to apologize again to Max for Saturday night. I robbed him of the chance to screw up his life on his own and for that I am deeply sorry. Back hand!

The other night I had a peanut milk shake. Let me just say it was like drinking a peanut milk shake...and then having a three-way with Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley. Tasty.

And Jess, nice seeing you :)

SNL Transcript Of The Week(?):

Interview With Superman - Funny stuff. That's all I got to say.



Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go purify myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

3/09/2004 05:28:00 PM | Comments (0)

Yeah, so Ron Francis for a fourth round pick is a ridiculous steal...but where's my back-up goalie? No one seriously believes Belfour will go through all twenty something games! Heck, I could be the back-up goalie. Gosh knows I've been practicing. I went 14 straight before the bastard top-shelfed me...but I mean, it's been a while since I've seen Kidd or Tellvquist stop 14 straight. Plus, I only got a single, bodiless glove, and it's nothing but breakaways! Seriously now.

And here's another of my practice routines - trying to reach enlightment. I got 30 before I decided to stop. ...oh man, this is one annoying - yet strangely addictive - game. But can Trevor Kidd catch thirty flies with his chopsticks? Yeah, thought so. The back of my jersey will read "Yak #00" - because that's how many goals are getting past me, baby. Yak for Vezina!

3/09/2004 04:52:00 PM | Comments (0)

I've been sniffing around eBay lately looking for a Jays jersey, as well as seeing if I can further my brilliant plans for a Carter #29 Leafs jersey. And despite what some would have you believe, it is indeed a brilliant idea. Just THINK about it. It's a Leafs jersey - Leafs, check. It's got half of Vince's name - Raptors, check. Joe Carter was number 29 - Jays, check. ALL THREE (respectable (...okay...almost respectable)) Toronto sport franchises ON ONE JERSEY - checkity check. You're all fools.

...uh...right. Anyway, I'm running around on eBay, and I managed to dig out some interesting auctions. The first one is one Coke can that is "likely possesed by God knows what." I mean...this is "serious level 17 rarity here." So that baby's pretty frickin' RARE. Though the manner in which it opened is a little perplexing.

And here's an auction for the "most powerful love spell known to man" being sold by a Cherokee, Navaho, Irish, & German psychic called...Spirit of Wolf (a.k.a. RainbowMoonUnderSun). I don't really think I got anything to add to this one...it just kinda writes itself.

3/07/2004 08:24:00 PM | Comments (0)

More life ruination.

I found this disturbing news article yesterday...and I haven't been the same since. Generally, I like to think that it takes a whole damn lot to creep me out...but that frog is just unsettling. There's something deep down at the core of my being that says this is just wrong and it's against everything good and holy in my life. I just can't stop thinking about this damn frog and its THREE FUCKING HEADS.

Eygh. Just...eeeyuuugh! I have never been this creeped out in my entire life.

3/06/2004 09:44:00 AM | Comments (0)

Ninja Gaiden has ruined my life.

I will never post on this blog again.

3/05/2004 12:43:00 PM | Comments (0)

Ah...the Leafs. I've forgotten what it was like having a Toronto sports franchise that like...you know...WON games. And I always liked Leetch better than Gonchar anyway. I swear.

Here's my perfect playoffs dream for the Leafs.

Round 1

Place second behind...uh...Tampa Bay (who cares?) and play Montreal for an Original Six showdown. Win after seven fantastic and entertaining games of hockey.

Round 2

Sweep Ottawa in four games, in the process beat them so badly that it would cause their city to literally explode. Heck, there's nothing to do there anyway. 'cept ten pin bowling...

Conference Finals

Against Philly, to claim sweet vengeance for last year. I don't care how we do it. Just win.

Stanley Cup Finals

I want to play the Detroit Red Wings for another Original Six showdown. To seven games, overtime. This series would bring hockey back from the dead - everyone would watch these games. Unlike...say...Detroit vs. Carolina or Yankees vs. Marlins. And then you know what? I want us to LOSE. A nail-biting Game 7 OT loss to the Detroit Red Wings. Because the Toronto Maple Leafs being Stanley Cup-less for over three and a half decades is a constant in my universe, and frankly...I just don't know how I would live with my entire world turned upside down like that. I need several solid constants to build my life around. Like always knowing that the speed of light in a vacuum is 2.998(somethingsomething) x 10⁸ m/s. Or that when I play Alex Lee in Marvel vs. Capcom 2, I will destroy him like the scrub he is. You know how many months of my life I lost to therapy after he beat me with Servbot? ...I just can't deal with something like that. So for my sake - make it 38 years without a Cup.

Though to be honest...kicking Cujo's shameful deserting ass would be oh so sweet. Oh, and also - seeing Buffalo trade Miroslav Satan to the New Jersey Devils would complete my life.

What's this? Ten page English essay due in nine hours? ...maybe I should start.

3/05/2004 12:06:00 AM | Comments (0)

A red rubber ball vs. Nazi Pirates. I mean...really, what's left of life after this?

...well, maybe this.

3/03/2004 09:51:00 PM | Comments (0)

My life is completely ruined.

3/02/2004 06:42:00 PM | Comments (0)