The Lin Post

Here's the big post that I've tried to avoid writing for the last two months...but it's finally gotten to the point where I just can't hold it in anymore, and this just need to be said and recorded here in the timeless eternal library of The WAMBAG Archives. So here we go.

Lin is this nice girl I used knew from high school that left to work in San Francisco. We hung out a few times before she left and I unfortunately became rather fond of her, though so far from what I can tell, it seems to be a requited sentiment. (...she also flat-out told me that she liked me too, so that was also pretty helpful in figuring that out.) I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but we exchange emails and phone calls on a semi-frequent basis, which I enjoy immensely.

And if she were ever to learn about the existence of this website, I will bathe in kerosene and hump a pack of matches until my genitals catch fire.

...aaand that's about it!

Now let's celebrate my surprising demonstration of self-control and fluff out this post with YouTube links vaguely related to our recent magical weekend.

Batman Goes Shopping - AL brought up a good point recently while we were discussing the finer intricacies of cosplay, about the differences (if any) there were between dressing up for Halloween and dressing up for anime conventions. Unfortunately we weren't able to settle on a satisfactory answer, and so that will remain as yet another unresolved issue between the two of us. I'm not sure where this one fits into the whole scheme of things, but I do know that the Batman Begins theme makes grocery shopping look really epic and awesome. And be sure not to miss the bit where Batman flips someone the bird right before walking past a shelf of Captain Crunch cereal boxes.

super play? pop'n music - No idea what's going on here, but it's pretty awesome regardless. The Japanese just do everything better than we do. Better and gayer.

arai super play - I just found this one off the related videos for the last one. All I wanted to say for this one is that I wished we had like a separate Japan broadcast for all MLB games. Would you rather Jamie Campbell and Pat Tabler announcing Jays games or two random Japanese guys shouting lines like "SEEEEE NARUUUUUU ARAI YAKAZAAAAIIII!!!" after every play? I don't even know if I'd want subtitles. Can you imagine these guys calling plays like these?

(Quick tangent - if you sent that link to all the baseball writers that were in charge of these things, how could Johnny Mac NOT get a Gold Glove this year? That one near the end where he flops his body around like a fish...it's absolutely retarded. I just wish he got on base more than 28% of the time.)

100 Person Flashmob Randomly Chasing After People - There's just some cruel and malicious edge in Japanese pranks that's missing from the Just For Laughs stuff we have on this side of the Pacific. Not surprisingly, the Japanese ones are actually funny sometimes.

Gigaton Punch Music Video - Not really related, but just wanted to officially put it up here even though most of you have seen it already. That's crazy flow, doesn't matter what you're rapping about. Additionally, this also gives me an excuse to link to this Street Fighter II "review" which is insane and delicious in all the right ways. "This is my third glass of cognac." Fun stuff.

...man, this post went all over the place.

You get back on the latest flight to paradise
I found out from a note taped to the door
I think I saw your airplane in the sky tonight
Through my window lying on the kitchen floor

8/30/2007 02:07:00 PM | Comments (0)

Another Teaser that shows just how awkward the whole day was.

P.S. I recently bought a breathalyzer and was trying to blow higher than 0.11 BAC at an office BBQ when I cooked up the idea for this. I thought it was hilarious at the time, but the wine-hangover that kicked in by the time I started working on it sucked all the joy from it... So, your mileage may vary.

8/29/2007 01:54:00 AM | Comments (0)

I really feel Chewy's enthusiasm in that bit is underappreciated. I can actually feel the joy radiating out of him, and he actually made me believe that another human being was actually glad to see us...which we all know is about the farthest you could be from the truth. Next we should make a trailer with either Solsbury Hill or Cells in it.

I'm actually a bit scared about the prospect of going over the footage from Saturday...I don't know if it's something I want to relive so soon.

Here's some links in the meanwhile.

- Bad news to those of you that did not particularly enjoy all the dry, irrelevant lines we were spitting from Flight of the Conchords, because HBO is picking it up for a second season. My condolences.

- American Gladiators is indeed making a comeback. I wasn't just lying about that one for once. There is absolutely zero percent chance that I'll miss this. As a kid, my ultimate fantasy (aside from hitting a World Series winning walk-off home run) was to play in Assault. I still remember this one time a guy got hit in face and had to withdraw due to damage it did to his cornea...but that just made me want to do it even more.

- Check out this report on Ridley Scott talking about making a Monopoly movie. You know, Boardwalk, Park Place, Baltic Avenue...all that stuff? Now imagine it all as a movie. ...yeah, I got absolutely nothing either. You know what would be a better idea though? A Joust movie. And by "a better idea" I of course mean "another abortion of misguided human ambition". All I want to know now is when the inevitable Crossfire movie is coming out.

- I can't stop laughing at the first comment of that Crossfiyah video. "Fuck yeah bitch this is what I based my life on". Amen, son. AMEN. Sometimes the comments are just as (if not more) entertaining than the actual video. And now that previous sentence shall enable me to cleverly and conveniently segue into this next link - If Blog Commenters Ruled The World. It's scary how good I am.

- This is a video of the Cardboard Tube Fighting League, which is equal parts funny and lame. There just doesn't seem like there's enough violence in there - I think people are forgetting that when we were younger, inflicting pain onto others was just as much of a prerequisite of fun as any other.

Hey Emu and Dan, remember that cardboard tube tournament we had during that Medieval Ages unit back in Grade 4 (which was actually a lot more dangerous than this because we were allowed to use duct tape to sharpen and harden our spears and morning stars)?

...yeah, I don't remember that ever happening either.

Let's get outta here, man.

8/28/2007 05:25:00 PM | Comments (0)

Just a little taste of the goodness that's coming soon...

Enjoy.

8/27/2007 08:59:00 PM | Comments (0)

CNAnime 2007

I have just returned from our excellent foray to the CNAnime convention downtown today. And I don't really want to get into it yet, but suffice to say that it was a great learning experience, everyone had lots of fun, and we're all very tired right now. Many thanks to the wonderful cosplayers that obliged to be interviewed by us - hopefully we can get our video or at least the pictures up in the next little while.

I'm doubtful that anyone actually caught the name of this website, remembered it, or will ever feel like checking it out...but I'm still right now very hesitant in saying anything offensive in any way.

Furthermore, you may have noticed a new layout in place today in honour of our new get rich scheme. Like all the layouts I do, this one still has a lot of holes in it, and some frills and whistles that I haven't added yet...but this is largely what the finished product is going to look like. Some placeholders still floating around, some broken links here and there, and the new Contact Us bit hasn't been hammered out yet...bit that will all come in time.

Or maybe not. You know how I am with these things.

A more extensive write-up will follow this. Right now I'm just way too tired and honestly just content that I'm still alive.

Kudos to everyone, and in particular thanks to Chewy and Jess for hanging out with us today.

"Luke... help me take this mask off."
"But you'll die!"
"Nothing can stop that now. Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes."

8/26/2007 12:41:00 AM | Comments (0)

Cheap Thrills

Cannot Get Started - Handsome Furs

I'm dreaming at a feverish pace these days. It's one of the reasons, other than my being a lazy bastard, that I can't seem to get out of bed easily. Luckily, the rest of the world continues to move on without me and I'm inevitably rattled out of my stupor by a phone call around noon. As mentioned in previous posts, my dreams are always about going on strange trips and everyone I know is coming with me. The latest involved a wedding and a gigantic cruise ship.

The wedding one was strange. It didn't start off as a wedding, but it involved that girl Lesley who I've had a couple of English classes with and who I think is incredibly hot. I spent the whole dream chasing her and by the end, she was about to go off on her honeymoon but then she turned around at the last minute. I thought she was going to speak with me, but she had to go back into this house to solve a murder or something. Strange, right? The cruise ship one was even weirder and Daniel Hocking was prominently involved. We were all on this cruise, but at some point in the dream it transformed into a shopping mall. And then the mall began flooding with what was either apple juice or urine, I can't be sure. The dream ended with me looking for...someone. I'm not sure who.

I should stop eating so much before I go to bed.

*****

William and I went to catch the Oakland-Toronto game Monday night. He brought along a family friend, which was good because I wanted to visit my friend Emily who works at one of the souvenir stands. I could trust William and John to jerk each other off while I indulged myself. Emily is another friend from the Science Fiction class I took this summer. She's cool to talk to and I spent a couple of innings hanging out at her stand because the game was as boring as...well, as boring as a baseball game can get. The only uncomfortable thing about it was that her co-worker was this good looking blonde girl, whose name escapes me and for now shall be referred to as "Leggy Blonde". Leggy Blonde almost coerced me into buying this stupid hand puppet called a "Domer", which I'm to believe was an ill-fated attempt to create a cute mascot during the early days of the Skydome. Here's a picture for those of you unfamiliar with this thing. The way she pitched it to me was just adorable. Luckily, Emily's intervention and my own gayness saved me from making an ill-fated purchase.

On a side note, as of this posting the Blue Jays have not scored more than five runs since August 8. Oh yeah!

*****

On Tuesday, I had to save Shirley from pulling a Max Wong and going to see the new Harry Potter movie by herself. It was funny because when we got to the theatre, there was only one other guy there and I just know that Shirley would have sat next to him and talked to him throughout the movie if I wasn't with her. I spared that guy a world of hurt, let me tell you. I'll get to the review in a minute. The real highlight was Shirley asking me to accompany her to a Sunoco station afterwards to help her pump gas because she'd never done it before. This isn't the most complicated thing in the world, but then I remembered who I was dealing with and I decided that I would help her out. So I had a couple of driving firsts here. One, I had to follow her vehicle, which I was nervous about ever since that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was trying to follow George to a cottage and everyone got lost. I did okay. During that time, I also had my first "singing in the car by myself unashamedly" moment. The song was More Than A Woman by the Bee Gees. I love that song and I'm glad I could share that moment with the Brothers Gibb. It's such a light, fluffy tune and imitating the guy's voice is just so humiliating and liberating. It was perfect.

I'm glad that Shirley asked me to supervise her pumping gas even though she knows how incompetent I am when it comes to most areas of logic and common sense. Obviously, there wasn't much for me to do besides watch, but there was a funny/scary moment where she was pumping the gas and it started making this strange, er, gurgling sound. I can honestly say I've never been more afraid of getting blown up, but then again that doesn't come up too often so it's a short list. She did a fine job and I was happy to help. See? I'm easy to win over. All that is needed is a slight suggestion of dependence or trust and I feel like a champion. My weakness is revealed.

*****

A few words about Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix and Superbad. I can't believe that Brian actually liked Phoenix. It's terrible. The pacing is so slow (despite the movie being a reasonable two hours), the characters aren't fleshed out, the action scenes suck...ugh, really bad. We'll argue about this soon, I'm sure.

Superbad was funny. I wouldn't say I liked it more than Knocked Up, but I can definitely say it provided more laughs than The Simpsons Movie (which I thoroughly enjoyed) and Hot Rod (which I'm still mixed on). The first 30-40 minutes are just comedy gold with Michael Cera and Jonah Hill doing their awkward and outraged (respectively) routines to perfection. The movie does slow down in the middle as a lot of focus is put on the third guy and the cops, which is funny but distracts from the main plot. Also, as Gary pointed out, the females in the story don't have too much to do. Still, another triumph for Judd Apatow and his boys and a movie that will hopefully spawn several useful quotes.

*****

Some YouTube clips that I'm sure I ripped off from Kotaku.com in one way or another.

First, here's a review for Fable done by this British guy who talks really fast and makes astute and hilarious observations. You may need to watch it twice to pick everything up. Apparently, he's going to start providing weekly reviews so keep your eye open for that.

I'm almost sure you guys have heard about this Phillipino prison warden who has decided to use dance to rehabilitate the inmates. Well, now you definitely have. Here they are performing the routine from Thriller: Parts 1 & 2.

*****

The other night, William and I were talking and we had this exchange:

William: It's a brave new world.
Me: Then why am I so scared?

Have you ever had a threesome?
Nearly.
What do you mean "nearly"?
I've had a twosome.
Wow, what was that like?
Great. I've done it several times, man.
Just one of you there and then one...
Yeah.
Oh no no, I've had a twosome! That's the...that's the normal way.

8/24/2007 08:02:00 PM | Comments (0)

There is this stupid "mod" for Facebook that lets you review movies. It has pretty pictures, so I was drawn to it immediately. Anyways, I started hammering out some reviews of movies I've watched/re-watched this summer, and decided to share some with you. And yes, my first post in ages that isn't just a one-sentence-plus-hyperlink is reused material. That is just how I roll.

.: Presenting Haiku Movie Reviews by FlamingSheep, Who is Well Aware that the Concept is Not Original (a Fact that He Deliberately Ignores), or HMRbFSWiWAttCiNO(aFtHDI) for your convenience :.

Knocked Up Some bum bags Heigl. It gives dudes like me some hope. Self-delusion's fun! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Dark and less wimpy. Better than shitty "Goblet." Climax: wizard porn. Rushmore Like Anderson films? Then you will likely love this. If not, then you won't. The Royal Tenenbaums Anderson's best flick. Better as it gets older. Like wine... or women. Wicker Park Hot, fucked up people. Love makes you do crazy things? More like creepy things. The Departed A gripping thriller. It proves Leo's worth a damn. Unlike Titanic.

Crash Everyone's so mean. It is almost comical. Like they're racist clowns. Sunshine Great start, bad ending. Gorgeous film starring the sun. It's never been so hot. 28 Days Later Has zombies on crack. But really a parable: Man - the real monster. [cue sound effect: duh duh duh] 28 Weeks Later The first was awesome. The sequel's not warranted. Good thing Rose Byrne's hot. Transformers Hot chicks and good jokes. Alas, too many humans. Not enough robots. Hot Rod The film's retarded. Rod wipes out on bike and pukes. Intrigued? Then watch it.

P.S. I don't know what the deal is with that extra space before the title. Oh well.

8/14/2007 02:00:00 AM | Comments (0)

I've been watching this weird series of shorts called Clark And Michael, by Michael Cera and his buddy Clark Duke.

It has what is easily the driest humour I have ever seen. Worse than Canadian comedies - I mean at least those have punchlines or sight gags. I have no idea what this is. Great stuff though, and the fact that you're forced to sit through a Superbad trailer before each episode almost makes it better.

Speaking of which, here's a great Superbad interview with Cera and Jonah Hill. Fun stuff.

And while we're at it, here's James Franco going insane on the set of Knocked Up, and the uncut extended version of the abortion debate. ...yeah, I can see why that version didn't make the final edit.

Finally to break up all the high brow stuff, here's a guy wiping out off a trampoline.

It's like a sexy hamburger.

8/11/2007 12:22:00 PM | Comments (0)

Dream A Little Dream Of She

Telethon - Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton

In the midst of my conflict with Annia, I've been having a lot of dreams about girls in my life that I've been interested in at one point or another. These dreams all have the same setting: I'm in a strange land somewhere, a town with no name, and everyone I've ever known is there. Usually a few people I don't know too. I think Iron Man showed up in one of my dreams. That was weird.

The first dream involved Natasha. I spent most of the dream looking for her, like I had to tell her something urgent. When I found her, she told me that she was seeing this guy and for some reason I couldn't stand him and I became upset. I storm off angrily and the dream ends.

The second dream was about Tanya, The Ice Queen. In reality, she's been in Chicago for the last four or five months so I haven't seen her in a while. I must miss her. This dream fell along the lines of again having something important to say, but I couldn't open my mouth to speak. When I finally could, all that came out was trivial conversation. I have always struggled to connect with her on some meaningful level, so this was actually quite true to life.

The last dream was about, of all people, Mary Choy. I cannot even remember what that one was about. I do recall us talking and having far more chemistry than we ever actually did when we were in high school together. She seemed happy.

The first dream shook me up a little and I ended up telling Natasha about it, in the fear that my subconscious was telling me something about our friendship that I couldn't see. She assured me that we were fine and suggested that these dreams were a manifestation of my anxieties about Annia. That seems too obvious and I'm convinced that these dreams reflect the problems that I have dealing with the opposite sex in general. Then again, it's probably both.

*****

Here is the trailer for the new Wes Anderson film, The Darjeeling Limited. Much like the indie music we listen to, it has gotten to the point where the product has become so familiar that it almost seems as if the artist is parodying himself. That said, this looks awesome.

Something very disturbing happened to me last night Jemaine.
What?
Well, you know Lisa.
Mm.
Well, it turns out she's very aggressive.
Did she hit you?
No. She wanted to go all the way.
Oh. I thought you already did go all the way.
No. Now she wants to have sex.
What gave you that impression?
She jumped on top of me and then touched me on the penis.

8/09/2007 11:48:00 PM | Comments (0)

Hasn't even been out a day and I'm already all over it! There's finally a trailer out for Be Kind Rewind, a new movie by Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind).

...it stars Mos Def and Jack Black.

GO GET IT!

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO OUR HOOD!?!

8/09/2007 12:29:00 PM | Comments (0)

Once we thoroughly dominate our beginner's self-pitch co-ed softball league to the point where it no longer holds any joy for us to play, I suggest we get moving to wiffle ball.

The ball's essentially made of air, but the mound is close enough to the plate that it actually looks like a major league baseball coming at you. And the movement on some of those pitches is just crazy. Some of them look like they rise, like windmill style. That's just filthy. I also really enjoy the super advanced robots they've installed to catch the wiffle balls.

Also, this is the Tae Kwon Do Gold Metal finals in the 2004 Athens Olympics, which is cool enough on its own. But if you watch until the end, you get some special bonus racism, which is just fantastic.

Lastly, here is some Olympic level ping pong ball bouncing. No telling how many takes they took, and I don't think it's all as hard as it looks when you can put the cup wherever you want ahead of time...but I still would never challenge this man to a drinking game of any type. Plus, the Rocky soundtrack is so good it's scary.

"Wow! Where am I, Mister?"
"You're in a Chinese opium den, Timmy. This is where the sport of dodgeball was invented in the 15th Century, by opium-addicted Chinamen. But back then, the Chinamen threw severed heads at each other, instead of the ADAA-approved balls we use today."

8/08/2007 03:17:00 PM | Comments (0)

So it turns out that this past August 5th was actually the anniversary of The WAMBAG's first post. This is something I've actually missed for the third time in a row now, and each time I note that fact as evidence to how seriously we take our work here. We've been coming to the same party for the last five years, and in no way is that depressing.

Five years! This is the fifth anniversary of our first post, which both terrifies and disturbs me deeply, on a level which I can never fully express in words. I'm embarrassed (but not really) that this grand day coincided with my month long absence from the site, which is actually the longest time I've been away from this site for...I guess five years, now. Oddly enough, my previous record was set last year, right after the anniversary post.

But for once, this time wasn't because I didn't have anything to write about. It was the opposite, in fact - there was too much. But when I sat down and sorted through it all, I decided that I didn't really want to put any of it into words. But now that I've started again, I guess I'll get to the rest of it shortly after.

Neat thing about having arbitrary dates like this on your calendar is that you have the opportunity to take these little mental snapshots of your life every time you hit one, and compare it to last year's. That's why holidays are so fun. They make for great save points throughout your life that you can easily remember, especially since they have all these strange associations from the holiday decorations. Just remember the last time there was an evergreen in your living room, or the last time you got drunk and challenged your cousin to a duel because he was dressed as a pirate.

This was an okay year for The WAMBAG, I think. We've been posting less - just 115 posts this year versus last year's total of 176. That represents a 34.66% drop-off, according to my current understanding of Grade 5 math. However, I think it's offset a bit from the improved quality of the posts - for example, I don't have the numbers crunched yet, but I'm sure the average words per post have jumped up significantly. Although I'd imagine that we'd like to get the crushing, depressing tone out of our posts as well. This year, I'm hoping to find that happy medium of quality and quantity that we've been searching for now for five years running. Baby steps, baby steps!

A big kudos to the crew. Five years is an awful long time to keep a good thing going. And we have a pretty good thing going here.

And by that, I mean that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish for some horrible accident to destroy this site and wipe every record of its existence clean from the Earth.

"You look pretty."
"What?"
"I said...you look SHITTY!"

8/07/2007 12:22:00 PM | Comments (0)