Drop In

Oh Yeah - The Cliks

Man, man, man...looking for a job sucks! I mean, I knew it did, but I wasn't really trying before so it didn't matter. I've actively been searching for the last few days and it is stunning, just stunning how unqualified I am for 98% of the jobs out there. You'd think that a guy who could explain all of the psychosexual subtext in the works of Shakespeare and write a comprehensive interpretation of the ending of Neuromancer would be a hot commodity, but no sir. The real world...can suck my ass.

Anyway, I just wanted to put up a link that I've been sitting on for a while before it loses all relevance. It's been a couple of weeks since the 2008 NBA season ended (I'm still suffering from withdrawal) and the words of Kevin Garnett continue to echo our hearts. But what did they really mean? Wonder no more, as one blogger offers a play-by-play of The Big Ticket's magical speech. The post-battle cry muttering remains shrouded in mystery.

You're sure?
Positive! This chick's playin' with confederate money.
Well then, that's it. That's the end of that.
What? Just 'cause of that?
Just 'cause of that? It's like finding out Mickey Mantle corked his bat!
Oh, come on! You've dated women with nosejobs, what's the difference?
You don't touch the nose! You don't aspire to reach the nose. You don't unhook anything to get to a nose, and no man has ever tried to look up a woman's nostril.
You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?
Well, I take it very seriously.
You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.

6/28/2008 10:43:00 PM | Comments (0)

A quickie of youtube links...

You know how we all love watching the white man dance? Well, here's a pretty cool video of some guy dancing around the world. I would be laughing at him if it wasn't so cool.

Speaking of the white man, this guy sings about a topic that is near and dear to Asian males everywhere. My first impression: "That's so good, that should have been mine".

And lastly, the greatest music video ever.

Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.

6/22/2008 01:12:00 PM | Comments (0)

Heads up!

Weezer track pack and Pixies (Doolittle) on Rock Band next week!

They are putting up Troublemaker, Dreamin', and...
GREATEST MAN THAT EVER LIVED!

I'm curious as to why Pork and Beans isn't there. I don't know how much fun G.M.T.E.L. will be to play, but it will sure will be fun to sing.

Can I declare a Rock Band gathering during the upcoming long weekend?

6/21/2008 12:02:00 PM | Comments (0)

I'm just going to empty the entire Notepad document today, get all these old links out.

- I am currently being endlessly amused by this gameplay video of Sumotori Dreams, which is a game that answers the unasked question of what if they took Porrasturvat and turned it into a crappy fighting game. There's just something really glorious about the fact that we've now advanced as a civilization to the point where we now have technology readily available to render and simulate the exact physics of drunken stumbling. I can't stop giggling at this.

- Are you interested in a BAPE themed DS Lite? Well then order it here for ¥83,790 ($790 CAD)!

- Time for some random old sports commercials. Tim Duncan for American Express (haha, Kevin Willis), HEB bread, and this for Nike one from way back. Pretty weird that last one, not sure what it's trying to say. Maybe that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Also, here's a random Shaq teaching Spanish 101 commercial for the NBA on TNT, advertising the start of the 2004-2005 season, and this random NFL on ESPN commercial that randomly features a surprisingly familiar face right in the middle. Ha, "No Huddle Offense 101" - quality.

Bill Russell?

6/20/2008 09:47:00 AM | Comments (0)

Here is some more content.

- If you haven't done so already, I encourage you to swing by your local McDonald's and pick up a free iced coffee. I personally can't take advantage of this offer as I've sworn off McDonald's forever to spite my girlfriend, who thought I wouldn't do it...but you certainly can.

- This is for all my homeys that relive this brutal scenario whenever they go to bed at night. I thought his portrayal of the "internetz" was particularly well done. Fun fact - according to memory, I am the only one that has never had to live through this. Thus, winner is me.

- Kevin Garnett's victory celebration at the end of Tuesday's NBA Finals series immortalized forever on the internet. I can only wait for all the "This is Sparta!" and YTMND style remixes to come. Love that guy.

EDIT: More NBA related goodness. If I asked you if you wanted to hear Ron Artest freestyle over Alicia Keys' No One track...would that be something you'd be interested in? It's too bad though, because the year's best rap track by an NBA player award has already gone to the Celtics' 13th man Brian Scalabrine (who sounds a lot like JE SKeets on this) for spitting hot fiyah on this scathing Lebron diss track two series ago - Scal Says. I don't mean to alarm you...but shit is hot. Serious.

- A nice tutorial for napping from The Boston Globe. My favourite bit (I didn't actually read through it yet) is how the guy at the end of the "What's In A Nap?" pictures has kicked off his blanket and is just barely hanging onto the couch because he's in deep sleep. Real nice, authentic touch there.

- Remember to invest heavily in LS9 if the ever go public. They are the scientists that have found bugs that eat waste and excrete petrol. Still a while away before they can talk about scaling up to mass production, but in 2015, when you're rich and driving a nice sports car fueled by bacteria excretion...just remember how you got there.

- Although theoretically gas prices should return to Earth in a bit as big oil returns to Iraq. Hurray for realizing short term goals! Fuck the planet, like we're really going to be concerned with global warming when the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is the much more imminent threat.

- Congratulations guys, we're officially black now! (...in South Africa.) I knew this day would come, I knew it! WE ARE DELIVERED! Anything is possible. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The downside to this is that it now becomes twice as hard for a poor Chinese guy to get a Chinese girl.

Konichiwa, bitches!

6/19/2008 02:57:00 PM | Comments (0)

A continuation...

- Been trying to download Firefox today so I could help them break a World Record and be part of history...but apparently their site is unavailable right now, probably due to unexpectedly excessive traffic loads. Truly, victims of their own hubris.

- I've been told that there's a cool new game the official Hancock movie site. Not for the PS3 or anything, just a browser game, and it's like flash-based or something. That scientific statement of fact has hardly exempted it from the sheer level of Internet Hate that's been directed at it. Check out the comments for the trailer...it's pretty rough in there. I encourage you to take a stroll through all the pages whenever you have like three hours to kill at work, but if you're not like me and you don't, then I've gone through a little bit and provided some highlights here below.

MOVE BITCH!!! GET OUT THE WAY!!! OF THIS CRAPPY GAME!!!

dude 10/10! im so buying it if it isn't free!

I am trading in my copy of mgs4 for this

BAD BEHAVIOR. BAD ATTITUDE. BAD GRAPHICS.

Scientific fact - HATE is the principle export of The Internet.

- Further to that point, check out this ridiculous article on the popularization of GPS that I will shortly begin hating on in just a little bit. The basic gist of it is noting how dependency on technology reduces our personal capability for doing things ourselves (For instance, what's the last seven digit phone number you've actually memorized in your head that you can recite without looking through your cellphone for it?), which is not something I completely disagree with. And yeah, maybe having a personal GPS map system in every possible electronic accessory in the future might deprioritize learning maps, directions, and locations in our minds...but to say that it will actual hurt the values we have as a human society in relating and living with each other...that's just retarded.

Kevin Slavin, managing director and co-founder of area/code, a company that makes games based on geography, said that getting lost helps develop our sense of place, and contributes to a functioning society.

"There is a social function of being lost," Slavin said. "And that social function of being lost will itself be lost. Think about how many times in the last month or so you have asked somebody for directions, or somebody has asked you for directions. That bit of social communication, in which a stranger and native meet at some point, will slowly ebb away. The question is: Will we feel ourselves to be natives everywhere, or to be strangers everywhere?"

Huh!?! What a pretenious, overly sentimental blowhard. Who the hell cares? So the argument against having a GPS map on your phone is that you won't need to stop and bother complete strangers for directions? That's honestly a bad thing? I say good, hopefully everyone will have a GPS programmed into their brains so that no one will ever need to talk to me on the street to ask where the Eaton Centre is when we're like talking right under its shadow. I say God bless, let's get an iPhone into everyone's hands so we don't need to engage in any more unnecessary human conversation ever again. If I ruled the world, everyone would just live in separate man-sized boxes and only communicate with each other exclusively through the use of carrier pigeons.

(You would still at least get some internet access, although a packet loss ratio of 55% is pretty bad.)

- In stark contrast, here's an uplifting article that somewhat restores my faith in humanity's ability to survive the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. "Green Bay Packers running back Noah Herron fought off intruders during a burglary to his Village of Howard home, striking one with a bed post that he unscrewed from his bed last weekend." (Like the entire incident happened last weekend or that only that the bed post was unscrewed last weekend and it's been like lying there on the floor or clutched in his fist while he slept this entire time?) He hospitalized his ass too. Now there is a resourceful man. Remember, a softball bat does not necessarily have to be ASA 2004 approved to be used as a personal zombie defense device.

- Man, I am falling asleep at my desk right now, I feel tired. Might be that pint I had a lunch. I need a coffee. Okay, back. Someone caught me half-dancing while I was waiting for my coffee, and I unsuccessfully tried to play it off like I was scratching the back of my knee. Still really tired though. I should have put some sugar in this thing too, it just tastes kinda nasty right now. I'm going to run into the sick room, do like 20 push-ups, see if I can get the blood flowing back to my brain. If you don't hear from me again, it probably means I got tired and just fell asleep on the floor mid-push-up.

Yeah
In this club
Yeah
In this club
Yeah
In this club

6/17/2008 02:35:00 PM | Comments (0)

I think this is one of those where I'm just going to start without any real idea where I'm going to end up. I believe the scientific term is Provoking Facts from Choking Yak.

- I didn't know this, but Tim Horton's gets hoppin' as soon as it hits 10:35 PM. It was like the doors opened and two bus loads of people streamed in. Why is this? Seems a bit late for people coming off retail jobs and a bit early for guys coming off second shifts...I guess I'm just not into the scene.

- Firefox 3 comes out tomorrow, and they're looking to set the World Record for most software downloads in 24 hours. It seems pretty worthwhile, actually - the "AwesomeBar" is one of the cooler features I've seen so far. Plus there this really awesome Victory poster that has nothing to do with anything, but it's still really awesome.

- Jess says it's an "ascot" but I only know it by it's common name: "faggotry".

- Random YouTube browsing has sucked me into watching Korean rap videos, which at first was awesome because some of them are just ridiculously unintentionally funny like most things from Asia are...but now I'm listening to some random MC Mong songs, and I can't help but notice how fresh and catchy his upbeat, goofy, hip-hop-pop sound is. This shames me deeply though, so I will not be linking to anything in this post.

- You know what's really uplifting? Driving around at night with nowhere particular to go while the Magnolia soundtrack is playing. ...no wait, there's absolutely nothing uplifting about that at all.

- I'm not a petty man (...), but I'm still very much upset that Shirley though I was wearing Lugz when I picked her up two weeks ago for the Centre Island concert. I mean, I need a high performance urban driving boots just as much as the next guy, but seriously, Lugz? Birdman? What happened to that boy? I do not wear shoes designed and endorsed by Funkmaster Flex, I'm sorry, it's just factually inaccurate to make that statement.

- Finally, links. Ghetto prom pictures. Just really...really, fantastic. They look like a bunch of unlockable hidden characters from Dead Or Alive 4. Here's some more. The Rasheed Wallace one just kills me, and I couldn't help but start thinking of other players that would have been even better. I came up with Allan Houston, and that was it - I'm not sure if I even want to know if there's a funnier name to put on the back of your prom jersey-suit.

And lastly, here is Usher with the Carnage symbiote.

I wanna make love in this club
Yeah
In this club
Yeah
In this club
Yeah
In this club

6/16/2008 11:51:00 PM | Comments (0)

In case anyone is interested, here's a link to the crappy cellphone pictures I took from Annia's 24th. The set is right at the end of the album.

6/15/2008 04:13:00 PM | Comments (0)

Ballad Of A Thin Man

Kissing The Beehive - Wolf Parade

Okay, look, I'm just going to get this out of the way right now. I don't want to offend anyone on this site, but there's no getting around it. The new Weezer album is kind of...um...a little...how to put this gently...it's not good.

*****

As much as I'm disgusted by Max's bailing on the Raptors this year (tough to blame him) and his questionable loyalty to a popular, major market team like the Lakers, I still felt sympathy for him having to endure that crushing Game 4 loss that they suffered to the Celtics. Perhaps this amusing animated gif will make him feel better. Sorry, you have to insert the WHAM! yourself.

*****

I keep thinking that I put this up here already, but since it's been sitting on a notepad file on my desktop for the last two weeks, I guess I haven't. Here is comedian Katt Williams expressing his love for the song Hustlin' by Rick Ross. You don't have to know anything about rap music to enjoy this, please believe me.

Side note: I actually discovered this bit while playing Grand Theft Auto IV. Liberty City has a comedy club that you can visit and it features a few standup routines by Williams and Ricky Gervais.

*****

During the Stars/Death Cab For Cutie concert, Gary insisted that we get something to eat before the Stars came on stage. I told him that I wasn't hungry and that Annia had suggested that I might have a tapeworm. He told me to "consider the tapeworm", inadvertently creating a phrase that we must use for a future song or album title.

You'll be happy to know that someone actually did consider the tapeworm for me. Annia was hanging out with us the other night and she informed me that she'd been doing research on tapeworms. I'm not sure whether she's bored at work or she's just super concerned about me, but she told me about potential symptoms and how I should consider collecting a stool sample. It takes a real friend to tell you that you should literally get your shit checked out.

What have the rest of you done for me lately, huh? Huh?!? I hate you all.

*****

The suit-shopping saga is finally over and I'm happy with my purchase. I won't go into the price in the rare chance that my mother ends up reading this and getting a heart attack, but suffice to say I may have gone a bit over my budget. The mission was not without its pitfalls.

Derek took me to Moore's, one of those stores I'd always seen commercials for but never been to. That's always a strange experience. You know how people read about those exotic countries in National Geographic and then find themselves blown away when they actually see those places close-up? Yeah, it was nothing like that.

The sales clerk, Tony, asked me if I worked out, which I initially took as a compliment but he was actually looking for an explanation as to why my shoulders are so disproportionately broad compared to the rest of my body. He sounded genuinely disturbed. We tried on a couple of suits and he kept muttering under his breath, "What are we going to do with this?" Don't get me wrong, he wasn't being cruel, it's just in all his years of tailoring he had apparently never encountered this particular body type. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he gets paid on commission, but he couldn't in good conscience sell me one of the store's suits. Then he asked me to leave and never, ever, ever come back again. I'm pretty sure he was crying during all this.

Afterwards, I felt bad that I had traumatized the guy. Derek and I speculated that he immediately took a break afterwards and went to his office for an hour of silent prayer. Undoubtedly, he prayed that he would be spared the curse of the Kavorka or some such thing. I may have accidentally retired the guy. Years from now, he's going to be with his tailor buddies and he'll tell them the tale of "he with the shoulders as broad as the wastelands and a waist as thin as a concentration camp prisoner". They will dismiss his stories as legend and return to their sweet, safe world of logical dimensions.

*****

It's a MANtage!

Oh my God. Look at this.
Hm?
It's the new J. Peterman catalog. Look.
"The Rogue's Wallet. That's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding...his name was Costanza. He killed my mother."

6/13/2008 11:41:00 PM | Comments (0)

We joke on here about how racist and homophobic and whatnot we are all the time, as a kind of a "We're so EDGY and COOL, the MAN can't hold us down!" poser fag thing here and bringing the "realness" unfiltered...but sometimes I'm reminded of how racist I (in particular) really am.

I took my car in for a regular tune-up like two months ago, dropping the car off at the dealer before work in the morning and taking a bus the rest of the way to the subway station. After work, I crowd into a bus at Eglinton to go pick up my car, and I'm sitting against the window, next to a black guy - about my age, polite guy from what I could tell, well groomed, casually dressed. You know, white tee, baggy jeans...by his dress, I'd say he was thugging out...perhaps like, 30%. Not more so than any random Lids employee. So whatever, he's just another human being to me, because I'm the Helen Keller of skin colour, I watch Roots everyday, and I'm certainly not scared that he's some sort of gangbanger, looking to shiv me for crack money. No problem!

My stop comes, and I gotta move past him to get out. So I'm like "'cuse me man" (the "man" is for added blackness, which helps me better communicate with him because he is black, and I didn't think it was quite necessary to use "dawg" instead yet) and he goes "no problem, man", gets up, lets me past, I go "'preciate it, man" (always use contractions and omit the first syllable whenever possible when talking to black people to show that you aren't a square) and I'm off the bus. Five minutes later I'm in my car, twenty more minutes I'm at home, and two months later I'm sitting here now.

A complete non-event.

Except...when I woke up this morning, I found myself randomly thinking back about that bus trip, wondering if I did everything correctly, whether I violated any social protocol or anything like that. I'm wondering whether I said "'preciate it, man" loud enough, or if I mumbled it, and he didn't hear me. And if he would have been upset if he didn't hear me tell him I appreciated him letting me past to get off the bus at my stop.

Why? Because I'm worried that I have now bad standing in his gang - the street gang that every black person in the world intrinsically belongs to, the international black gang they automatically join upon birth by default, genetic birthright. Like I've somehow managed to insult the entire global morphogenetic field of black people by not properly expressing my gratitude for this guy shuffling half a foot over so that I could get off a bus. And that I'll pay for it eventually down the line...either by being a victim of a drive-by or the subject of a scathing diss track or something.

I think these things; these are real thoughts that have gone through my head and crossed my mind. I mean, to be fair, I'd just woken up, I'm groggy, I don't know what sort of boot-up process my brain does when I start up in the morning. I have all sorts of random crap running through my brain in the first ten minutes of consciousness everyday, like what if today is the Zombie Apocalypse, if the cashier at A&W gave me the correct change when I ate there last week, if putting a Sailor Moon sticker on my new softball bat would be cool...all sorts of things, nonsense I have no control over.

But I know, deep down in my heart of hearts...that I really am worried that I violated some pseudo-rule of social protocol in my three line exchange to this random black guy that happened TWO MONTHS AGO, and that I am really now targeted for retribution by black people everywhere. I think I'm being gang stalked by black people everywhere, and I have no idea whether I'm a batshit insane paranoid psycho now or not.

That might be a little bit racist.

So this is obviously a small personality trait I should look into correcting, but you know how it is - nobody's perfect. We all have irrational tics and likes and dislikes about everything. He's scared of heights, you like anchovies on your pizza, I think every black person in the world is a criminal out to get me. I mean, Jess hates olives. Could I hold that against her any more than she could hold my irrational fear and prejudice against black people against me? Of course not.

But in an act of good faith, to show how much my goal of bettering myself as a human being means to me...I pledge to never again eat at McDonald's, because of their racist advertising campaigns.

(Here's an actual ad.)

"Have you guys ever see Birth Of A Nation? That is...oh! I watched it."
"Is that, uh...Bruce Willis...and..."
"Uh, Naomi Watts."
"It that...it?"
"I don't even - I don't even think that's...a movie."

6/09/2008 12:42:00 PM | Comments (0)

Had another dream this morning, which for me, is like winning the lottery. Two days in a row. Lucky for me I have a blog to post whatever insane ramblings I want on it.

Ugh, either this Tim Horton's breakfast sandwich is made with Chinese newspaper, or I just took a bite out of the wrapping around it.

...yup, it was the wrapping.

Anyway, the dream. This one's a long one.

In the dream, I'm at a party, an awesome party full of video game debauchery, and crates and crates of free beer stacked up to the ceiling against the wall, with all the guys I know in life there, and not a single broad in sight. (Oh, it's one of those dreams.) There was like a fifty computer LAN setup, cabinets against the walls, and consoles everywhere. There was even a PlayStation 4 there, but I could never catch a glimpse of it because there were so many people around it, like in that dream Homer has where he can't see the device he invented that made him rich. It was the party of my dreams. Quite literally.

The problem was, I wasn't enjoying it. Every single game I played - whether it was Command & Conquer: Red Alert on the computer or Marvel Superheroes on the arcade cabinet - was just the bass line from a random Rock Band song, only it was just one single green note over and over again. And the horrible thing was that I couldn't even get it right, and everyone kept yelling at me and telling me how much I sucked at Red Alert or Marvel Superheroes, and I had the very distinct feeling in the dream that I was past my video game prime, and that my natural video game adaptivity gene had completely worn off or something. Another weird thing I'm only noticing now is that all the games were from like the late 90's that I used to play during my Berczy days and high school - Red Alert, Jedi Knight, Chu Chu Rocket, Marvel Superheroes but no Marvel vs. Capcom 2...that was kinda weird.

It turned out to be a bizarre sort of ironic nightmare - I couldn't get into any of the games, I didn't feel like talking to anyone, and I kept reaching into a crate to pull out a beer that just tasted foul and bitter. But I spent the night drinking anyway to see if alcohol would improve things, but instead I just got sick.

Every time I looked up, there were fewer people there, and eventually I noticed that every positive male role model I had in life had left (I couldn't name them, but I just knew in the dream that they were all gone), and I was stuck in a room full of people I didn't respect with empty video game sounds and the bass line from Enter Sandman ringing through the air. And I just knew that they had all went to some other party, a great one where everyone was having fun.

And furthermore...I knew all the girls were there too, and not here. And thus I became convinced that I had to escape and get to this other party, no matter what the cost.

So I tried to leave, yearning to get to The Other Party, but every escape I tried lead me back to that horrible room. I tried going back to my room - somehow this huge arena was located upstairs in my house - to look up "The Other Party" on Google Maps on my computer (that's actually what I was going to type in). But when I opened the door, there were already a dozen people in there in sleeping bags, and I didn't want to disturb them, so I went back to the party. I tried to use my phone to call someone at The Other Party, but it was out of batteries. Then I tried going to the garage so I could drive away, but my car wasn't there. And then I tried just sneaking out of the house and running away on foot, but every time I did I would bump into someone from the party and I'd end following them back.

This continued until I woke up, trying to get out of this party and failing over and over again, until I was interrupted from sleep by the sound of birds chirping at 6:40 AM...which is probably why this dream is so accurately preserved in my mind. I couldn't fall asleep again, so I just left for work.

Weird dream though, and it was one of those that felt so real that it actually bleeds into your real life memory...I was lying awake thinking about this dream like it had actually happened the night before, trying to logically bridge the gap between the party and waking up in my bed.

Anyway.

If there was a metaphorical message or a deeper meaning to this dream, then it's lost on me. I've never really been big on that stuff anyway.

Now it is time for Checkmate, an investigative look into the cheque cashing industry, brought to you by the same people who did Cereal is Dope.

CHEA!

6/06/2008 11:51:00 AM | Comments (0)

If you look closely...you might have noticed that I made some tweaks to the site's layout.

It's a wonder what you can do by just adding a background and a new banner image with some nice font. The real bitch of it was making something work in three different browsers, over like four different screen resolutions. That's Mutlu Ornamental and Scriptina at the top, feel free to Google those out yourself if you want to make your very own WAMBAG.COM at home.

The benefit (for me) of this new layout tweak is that it's now pretty stylesheet and PHP heavy. So it's nice and customizable now, meaning that if I ever wanted to, I could get like ten new layouts here up in no time, and it'd be easy as pie to switch between them and find your own favourite WAMBAG.COM flavour.

The key words of course, being "if I ever wanted to" which actually renders the rest of the sentence completely void of meaning.

Now to tell you about my dream.

This morning, I had a dream in which my family and I were entering a restaurant with two sets of doors - that is, you opened on set of doors to come in from outside, and then another set to go into the restaurant, with like a tiny intermediate room in between full of outdated Chinese concert and night club ads up on the walls (and each one has the logos of like fifty three different corporate sponsors listed). This was one of those places where you had to open up the first set of doors, crowd into the intermediate room, let the first doors close, and then open the next set to finally enter the restaurant. Because of air pressure - the lack of pressure created by opening the first set of doors would force the second set of doors shut.

So what happened in the dream was that we opened the first set of doors and crowded into the room...but then before the first set of doors completely closed, my dad went and opened the next set of doors (while I was reaching towards the handle and screaming "NOOOOOooooo!" in slow motion)...and we all went bug-eyed and choked to death Total Recall style.

That's the dream.

Now it's time for Mortal Gaybat.

Jesus is sexy to you, which leads us onto the musical interlude Rock Me Sexy Jesus.

6/05/2008 03:54:00 PM | Comments (0)

I'd like to introduce you to Tropic Thunder, the upcoming comedy with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and a blackface Tony Stark...who - from all indications in the trailers so far - is set to absolutely kill in this movie. Here's the required reading...
- first, a weird promo skit for the MTV Movie Awards
- the normal original trailer
- the R-rated red-band trailer
The For What It's Worth intro sequence in the normal trailer...so dumb.

We need to use that song (or even just the two note He Got Game sample) in something, anything, I don't even care. It's so good.

Pineapple Express on August 8th, Tropic Thunder on August 15th. Get hype.

Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!

6/03/2008 10:24:00 AM | Comments (0)

The horrible irony of Single Yak is that he only exists due to the confidence and lack of pressure that Relationship Yak provides. And I'm sure I'm not the first man that's discovered that about himself either. I pray for Relationship Yak's sake that my current memory of Saturday night's events and of being responsible and well-behaved are accurate and complete...and if not, that there exists no photographic evidence to the contrary, establishing maximum deniability. That's always important. You'll see why.

Heavy drinking and softball left me exhausted, so I do apologize for skipping out on Sex In The City, although - if you can believe me - I wouldn't have really minded it at all. But perhaps it was best to spend Sunday night as Relationship Yak again instead, helping Jess reorganize her room...and reading through all her old collected copies of VoX.

Yep, read it all...issues from 2001 through 2003. All the "From The Editors" sections, all the bad poetry and song lyrics, hilariously outdated NBA predictions, all the essays on skin cancer, alternative petrol sources, the degrees of intolerance and bigotry as they relate to the number of syllable count of each corresponding slur...all of it.

Ideally, everyone in life should be given amnesty for all the horrible crimes of awkwardness and self-indulgence they committed against themselves and others during their high-school years...but still, it's best if it's not documented and preserved forever in the form of a poorly edited, poorly stapled, poorly written, bimonthly high-school newspaper. My high-school failings are greater and reach much farther than any you'll ever hear about, but at least since I've now cut off all ties with RHHS and killed all possible witnesses that could implicate me, I'm free to deny, deny, and deny all I want. You'll never hear about them, because quite frankly...they never happened.

Though you could just check the early archives from 2002 (or really, just any post from any month in any year in the archive) for a proper demonstration of terrible writing from me...so really, in the end, no one is innocent. And also although it's incredibly unfair of me to take these crusty old artifacts of high-school life from 2001-2003 out of context and judging them with the benefit of hindsight, an additional five or six years of life experience, and an university education...I don't really care.

Y'all were some straight up fag hats, and THAT...that is real talk.

Most bizarre out of all of this is that of all the people I know that were involved, only one man is exempt. Only MaxSnax has escaped utter gayness, and frankly, THAT is what's most surprising out of all of this. How I could see the world differently in such a way that only Max and Max alone has had his standing improve...that is the greatest crime of all.

Of all things in life that I am glad of, I am possibly most glad that I have kept no copies of my high-school yearbooks, and that I have wisely used the one year mulligan that we are all afforded in life on my Grade 8 year...and so thus that year didn't even happen for me. That whole messy period of my life...no evidence, no witnesses, never happened.

Maximum deniability.

Now it's time for the most awesome news headline of the weekend: Killer elephant 'Osama' dies in hail of bullets. "Yes, Osama has finally been killed and it took us 20 bullets to silence him" - yes, that's what you get, you pachyderm piece of shit. You don't fuck with humankind. Just look at all the last guys to make a play for the throne on top of the food chain. Not a lot of dolphins laughing it up while they're stuck in tuna nets now, are there? That's right, there fucking well aren't.

Goddamn! Get your head out of your hand.
Here's to all the times we're gonna have.
Cooped up for a year with the two best looking babes I've seen all year.
Get me another bottle of beer!
'cause I'm feeling fine.

6/02/2008 12:05:00 PM | Comments (0)