For some reason, I think Norm Macdonald is a minor deity. Here he is interacting with another god among men, Conan O'Brien, as well as yet another Melrose Place blonde that satisfies Yak's inexplicable fetish.

Oh yea, and happy 2007. Hope it sucks less for you than 2006 did.

12/31/2006 11:29:00 PM | Comments (0)

Just a quick Christmas Day post as a gift for all of our Carmelo Anthony fans - here's Jared Jefferies finding Melo's lack of faith disturbing.

Also, here's the greatest one minute and fifty two seconds of all time just because I feel like it.

"What's to-day?" cried Scrooge, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him.

"Eh?" returned the boy, with all his might of wonder.

"What's to-day, my fine fellow?" said Scrooge.

"To-day?" replied the boy. "Why, Christmas Day."

12/25/2006 04:44:00 PM | Comments (0)

I'm currently stealing Wi-Fi internet access at the Fort Lauderdale International Airport with my brother's laptop (which is also stolen) waiting for my flight to start boarding, so just a quick post for now.

First off...thank Christ I managed to convince my parents to ditch that whole "drive 24 hours to Flordia" plan. I would have snapped and killed everyone Cells-style twenty minutes into it.

I've spent the last hour and a half catching up on all my Iverson trade updates, fantasy basketball team standings (heal T-Mac, HEAL!!!), MBP news, and so on, so hopefully no big updates will be required for me to resume the usual business.

In fact, I'm surprised Big AL hasn't posted this yet...Justin Timberlake in an SNL Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box. Nice of NBC to wise up and stop being such a bitch about YouTube hosting SNL bits.

That's just killer. More when I get back tonight, but here's a nice bit for now...12 Year Old Girl Gets Zune Pre-Loaded with Porn. ...I guess that's pretty self-explanatory.

It was a homosexual orgy that they had video taped for an hour and 44 minutes.

12/23/2006 10:58:00 AM | Comments (0)

Apparently, We Can't Get Along

Take It To Da House - Trick Daddy ft. The SNS Express

Wow, I'm so proud that I get to post this before anyone else. Ladies and gentlemen, from the league that brought you 2004's smash hit, "Malice At The Palace", I give you...

The Denver Nuggets/New York Knicks Brawl, in all its glory.

I've never been more proud to wear Carmelo's shoes.

Dear Liz Lemon, while other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us and for the first time since the '86 World Series I cried...I cried like a big, dumb homo.

12/17/2006 03:43:00 AM | Comments (0)

If you ever find yourself having nothing to do on a lazy Friday afternoon because (a) you're taking off for vacation next week, (b) two of the three people that actually acknowledge your daily existence are already on vacation, and (c) the third guy's your backup and you've already handed off all your items to him...then here's a two year old Patton Oswalt Q&A thread from some random forum. I'm about half way through it, reading only Patton Oswalt's posts, and I've burned away like maybe five hours - not including my lunch break today midway through there, where I spent an hour and a half aimlessly strolling through the Eaton Centre.

Yes, I do get paid for this. And yes, after 140 words, I'm only into my fourth sentence of the post. In case you were wondering.

(To avoid confusion, note that I wrote that top portion during work on Friday, and I am writing the rest now, 3:12 AM Sunday morning.)

I'm just going to wrap this up with a random clip of him on porn.

I'm tired. See you Saturday.

(Please don't rob my house when I'm away. Please.)

The necklace was made of vaginas.

12/17/2006 03:12:00 AM | Comments (0)

That's The Funny Thing About Promises

What The Snowman Learned About Love - Stars

As you might expect, I'm supposed to be studying for one of my exams right now. Which one isn't important. Whenever I'm stuck in one of these ruts, I find myself thinking back to high school. My teachers could not have been more supportive. Somewhere in the midst of all my wisecracks and B-minus assignments, they saw potential. Promise. However, whenever people use the word promise in these situations, it is actually intended to indicate a lack of confidence. It's more about hope than a guarantee. Like over the last couple of years, watching the Raptors. There were several occasions where I said, "Man, this Rafael Araujo has got some promise," which was inevitably followed by him dribbling the basketball off his own foot. When you say someone has promise, what you are really saying is that you have no idea how things are going to turn out. That's one reason why I never make promises.

On a completely unrelated note, I'd like to thank William for bestowing upon me the second set of Batman: The Animated Series DVDs. It includes three of my favourite episodes, If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?, Harley and Ivey and my personal favourite, Almost Got 'Im. That last one blew my mind when I was a kid. I also like the one with Zatanna, who Paul Dini apparently ended up marrying in real life. Paul Dini is king.

Conan. Tracy's really excited to be back on your show.
I don't know Jack, he's kind of a loose cannon and I like to surround myself with people that don't try to stab me.
Well Tracy's feeling a lot better now. He's under a doctor's care.
Yeah, that's what they said about Hasselhoff. Then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
Conan. This is important to me. So we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
What's the hard way?
You do a live Christmas Eve special from Kabul every year until the war on terror is won.
Tell Tracy I'll see him tonight...you Black Irish bastard.
Back at you, Red.

12/12/2006 02:35:00 PM | Comments (0)

I've been pretty lazy lately in getting a post up, so just a quick one for now. Here is (surprise, surprise) a YouTube link for the entire third episode of the second season of Andy Richter Controls The Universe.

France

I didn't even know it lasted an entire season. AL brought up a good point, that this show is identical to Scrubs...'cept...without the scrubs. Yet Scrubs is heading into a sixth season on NBC, while I still pray everyday for FOX to stop fucking around and release a DVD set for ARCTU ("Ark-two"). Though I must concede that Sexy Sexy Zach Braff Controls The Universe may have fared differently.

And in case you're confused, the old guy is like the ghost of Mr. Pickering, the company's founder that only Andy can see. Think drunk penguin in Happy Gilmore.

Watch this so I can start making "he does like jazz" jokes.

"I'm sorry to hear about your mother."
"Well, at least she died doing what she loved...committing suicide."

12/10/2006 11:10:00 PM | Comments (0)

Conan Does It Again

Darling Nikki - Foo Fighters

I'm supposed to be working on an essay right now that was due...uh, earlier today. Meh. I'd be remiss if I didn't report Conan's latest journey into madness.

So he was doing a sketch yesterday called "New NCAA Mascots", which is essentially an excuse for Conan to create all sorts of random images that have nothing to do with nothing and pass it off as legitimate comedy. Of course, it's always hilarious. One of the mascots was called the "Manatee Who Is All That And Knows It" I think. It was a guy in a manatee costume dancing in front of a webcam. One of the Max Weinberg 7, Mark Pender (the bald guy with glasses) was watching the manatee on his laptop and Conan made a throw-away joke about Pender being on "hornymanatee.com".

On tonight's show, he told the audience (and this is apparently absolutely true) that if you say the name of a website on television and that website does not exist, you have to buy the rights to that website. So for the cost of $159 dollars, Conan purchased "hornymanatee.com". Anyone who watches Conan knows that he wouldn't be satisfied with just owning the domain name. He got his people to put a website together and, well, it speaks for itself. Without further adieu...

HornyManatee.com

You're welcome.

Six weeks?
Yeah, six weeks.
Well, so what? You've gone six weeks before.
I can do six weeks standin' on my head. I'm like a sexual camel. That's not the point. At least there was the possibility.
Well, so, are you gonna break up with her?
I don't know. I don't wanna be one of those guys.
What guys?
Like us.
Yeah.

12/06/2006 01:27:00 AM | Comments (0)

!!!

- Absolutely ridiculous ending to a 1994 high school football game between John Tyler and Plano East. Watch it all the way through - it's delicious. The bit with the Plano East announcer at the very, very end slays me.

- A fascinating math proof that demonstrates the power of algebra. I managed to figure it out at the bottom of the first page, and somehow it made it even funnier.

- Not sure what's going on in this Brickshelf Gallery, but it scares me all the same.

- One handed X-Box 360 controller. ...not really sure what else I was expecting there.

- This is a goodie...the Japanese Transformers theme. My favourite part is the first time you hear the chorus and you're thinking "Finally, the familiar American chorus has arrived!" and instead the "TRANSFORMAAAAAaaaaaaaa..." bit just weakly trails off at the end so unexpectedly. It's so ridiculous.

- And finally, because I know you're thinking about it too now, here's the Japanese X-Men theme. SHOCK! I've watched this like literally five hundred and sixty two times, yet I can never sufficiently prepare myself for the end. It's like when you're playing Marvel against Shuma, the other guy charges Chaos Dimension a screen width's away...and you know the whole time that no matter how much super jumping or wave dashing you do...that eventually he's going to find you no matter what and take for a ride (duh duh dunaduna). Crying for the moon is completely unblockable.

"Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?"
"Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?"
"1974."
"...Meg Ryan."

12/04/2006 10:57:00 PM | Comments (0)

A little bit later than usual this year. But it's that time once again.

Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency.

12/02/2006 01:24:00 PM | Comments (0)