I bring grave warning from the future - THE YEAR 2009.

No matter what happens, do not let the monkeys out of the cages.

Everything we imagined, everything we feared...it's all come true. Might as well get a head start on collecting those bottle caps now.

No doubt that The Zombie Apocalypse will be upon us soon. I suspect my family has turned already - I will be the angel of mercy that will free them from this wretched infection.

Now we will arbitrarily celebrate the 12 year anniversary of Space Jam by collectively revisiting Hit 'Em High (The Monstars' Anthem).

Lightning strikes and the court lights get dim
Supreme competition is about to begin

12/31/2008 11:35:00 AM | Comments (0)

How is this real? A World Superhero Registry? Seriously?

Here is another article for your consideration.

What part of "dress up in a goofy bright costume and fight criminals with guns while unarmed" sounds like a good idea? Have they not learned from Watchmen and those fake Batmen from The Dark Knight?

12/30/2008 03:52:00 PM | Comments (0)

This was on Global TV news. I can't stop watching it.

12/29/2008 04:53:00 PM | Comments (0)

Here's a clip from the IT Crowd. It's amusing, but the best part is how easy it is to fake a movie theater. This trick is going in the vault for sure.

Old people singing hip hop. Self-explanatory.

This is pretty much how I`d imagine a world where the Apatow crew was female.

... and that's a rap. Back to bad flash games for me.

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright

12/23/2008 02:28:00 PM | Comments (0)

I think the best thing about flying is the moving walkways they have in airports. You step onto one, just like that, you're flying along like you have superspeed. It's nuts. I can't imagine how anyone could pass up on having a taste of this higher state of human experience, and consequently I hold nothing but contempt for those that choose not to walk on these moving pathways, but beside them, and I continually curse their folly as I speed by.

And then of course, once you get off it, walking at a normal speed again is almost too slow to bear. Just a crushing reminder of the inadequacies of your normal human life and your normal human walking speed.

Some interesting notes of interest so far, but maybe I'll note them here at another time. Here are some links that I saved ahead of time specifically for this purpose.

- "A remastered fight scene from the Dark Knight DVD special features." Despite the fact that I enjoyed The Dark Knight so much the way it is, I can't help but think the movie would have worked better this way.

- This is a video of Kanye West live in concert, going on a weirdly entertaining auto-tuner freestyle after an incident with the crowd.

Also, please note that you must turn the shirts inside out before washing.

Someone just threw a fucking penny at me
What the fuck is wrong with you?

12/23/2008 04:39:00 AM | Comments (0)

I've been playing a LOT of games on Kongregate lately. I want to say it's because their Flash games are good and I didn't bring my 360 home, but honestly, it's because they have achievements for each game. And I am an achievement whore. And how!

Anyways, Shift 3 is a pretty trippy puzzle game in the vein of Portal. Clearly, the comparison is not lost on them, because they rip off the whole "Innocent player locked in evil experiment" shtick. Still good, though. When you're done, try out the "assorted player pack" too. That's where the real difficulty is.

12/19/2008 05:12:00 PM | Comments (0)

Didn't sleep tonight. Working on something extremely homosexual.

Here is a video titled Dog Rape! It is even better than it sounds.

Also, Brandon Roy dropped 52 on the Suns, but my opponent in my fantasy basketball league accidentally left him on the bench, so I'm kind of in a happy mood.

This is a bus! You know how big a bus is!?!

12/19/2008 06:14:00 AM | Comments (0)

Still G.R.E.

Feel The Love - Cut Copy

I took the Graduate Requisite Examination last week. It's not required, but I've been told that it can help those attempting to get into graduate school. I suppose now would be a good time to mention that I'm working on getting into graduate school for journalism. I've decided that I definitely want to write for a living and while I'm aware there are several avenues for that, journalism seems the most pragmatic. Would I be correct in saying that? I know that journalism has never exactly been my dream career (I was accepted to the program out of high school and declined), but it makes the most sense for me right now.

A lot of this trepidation obviously has to do with the amount of work that getting into grad school entails. Primarily, I'm stressing about attaining letters of recommendation. I've already got a commitment from Professor Johnstone who has always been a cool cat, but the other gentlemen I need to hunt down are professors who I haven't seen in three or more years. This should be fun.

*****

An amusing list about bad movies that made a lot of money. Also notable for a link to this alternate ending to I Am Legend, which is better than the original one (though it still wouldn't have saved the film).

This next link was posted on Kotaku.com a while ago, but I thought it was too funny not to post in case people missed it. I haven't played a traditional RPG in a long time and the character designs have a lot to do with it.

Hugh Jackman to host Oscars. I am going to watch The Oscars this year.

SNL Parody of Single Ladies. Get it while it's hot. And by "hot", I mean "not taken down by NBC".

Now that there's no chance for any of you to enjoy Ghost Town, I may as well start ruining Ricky Gervais' next project for you all. It's called This Side Of The Truth. Check out that cast list. I don't even need to sell this one to you. Gervais. Bateman. Fey. Tambor. Garner. Picard.

You know, this is the third film that Garner and Bateman (after The Kingdom and Juno, natch) have done together. I like to think that he's hit that, it makes me happy somehow.

Hello, Elizabeth. It's Rob Sussman. Still think I'm "gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun"?
No, we...we were friends. No, I just said that stuff to try to make it okay for you to come out.
Come out of what?!? I'd like you to meet my wife with whom I've raised three beautiful dogs.
Oh boy.
I cannot deal right now. I'm so mad all I can do is dance!

12/18/2008 05:36:00 PM | Comments (0)

Some links for your consideration.

Ninjas invade a pirate festival. Seems pretty standard (as to be expected), but try to watch till the end.

Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage. If you're into that sort of thing, his website actually exists.

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 minutes.

One Semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song. A good example of a super low budget music video that works.

And... that's all I got for now.

OR IS IT?!

Just came in to use the ol' edit button because the premiere of Flight of the Conchords season 2 is on Funny or Die. Unfortunately, it`s region locked to the US. PSYCHE! Of course, there are other ways to obtain the episode, although I am not at liberty to say how.




(pirate bay)

12/17/2008 12:36:00 PM | Comments (0)

The Choking Yak Formula For Success...

1) Work from home so that you can wait for a UPS package scheduled to arrive at your house between 10:30 AM and 2:00 PM.
2) Play Left 4 Dead. The guy will not actually come during 10:30 to 2:00, so continue waiting until 4:30 PM.
3) Realize you are hungry. Leave the house for half an hour to buy a Bacon Mushroom Melt (double the beef) from Wendy's.
4) Come back to find a fresh new set of footprints on your driveway and a UPS sticker on your front door.
5) Shout "FUCK!" loud enough that it echoes across your neighbourhood.
6) Pack up your basketball stuff.
7) Have dinner with your girlfriend, go back to her place to take a quick twenty minute nap before basketball.
8) Oversleep by twenty minutes, get a call from your buddy telling you not to come.
9) Continue sleeping at your girlfriend's place until she kicks you out after two hours.
10) Forget to set your alarm, oversleep, arrive to work two hours late the next morning.

Follow these steps, and you will be physically refreshed by mid-afternoon, enough to finally find the motivation to break out of your mini-posting slump and write up another five thousand word post about nothing in particular.

Now it is time for some links.

- Popaganda: The Pop Culture Revolution. Weird Photoshop mash-ups of beloved icons of our childhood in commie-styled propaganda posters. Oddly entertaining, and I really like the designs of some of them.

- These links have just been piling up while I've been too lazy too put them up, so some of them have since expired. I feel that this one is still good though, even after about a month of just sitting on my proverbial e-shelf (a Notepad file on my desktop). "NASA isn't sure where the spider could have gone." Isn't that exactly what they're paid billions and billions of dollars to know? How can this obvious future threat to the safety of humanity just be so callously dismissed? I supposed it is a seemingly innocuous article...until you consider the effects of the cosmic radiation inevitably causing it to mutate and subsequently crazy super space powers, returning to conquer the Earth and enslave humanity. I, for one, welcome our new giant-sized, super intelligent, arachnid overlords.

- Lobster-Bandidos! The Swedish Chef and a family of Mexican lobsters...the definition of a just-can't-lose internet video. Bad accents should always be the staple of any quality comedy bit.

- Details for the new King of Fighters movie, based off the classic SNK fighting game have been revealed! It involves inter-dimensional travel, the director of The Medallion, and Maggie Q. Preliminary VHS readings are off the charts. Also, speaking of upcoming movies, here is Fired Up, which I think is this generation's Bring It On, even down to the generic sounding preposition in the title.

- Also, not sure if I posted this already, or whether or not the link is broken or not, since I can't check from work...but that's racist.

Lemon, you're going to go to Gavin's and you're going to work this thing like a Chinese gymnast; wear something tight, force a smile, and lie about your age.

12/11/2008 05:06:00 PM | Comments (0)

Jizz In My Pants, the first single from The Lonely Island's debut album "INCREDIBAD".

Not that much else to do but to enjoy it.

Last week, I saw a film
As I recall it was a horror film

12/10/2008 12:50:00 AM | Comments (0)

Self Indulgence (Redux)

Since I'm so in love with myself, I'm posting my act from this year's charity night concert thing. Check it out here.

Since some of the jokes are pretty med-specific, you might want to jump ahead to this one first.

Note that I am again rocking the WAMBAG t-shirt/Blazer combo. Could I be a bigger douchebag? At the after party, people were asking me what WAMBAG stood for. I'm taking this shit viral, baby!

12/07/2008 02:01:00 AM | Comments (0)

Baggin' On The Go

So apparently Blogger has a publish-by-email feature, which I just found out today. Let's give it a spin, since the site so desperately needs an update anyway. No computer...no links...no spellchecking...NO RULES.

I'm at dinner with my parents right now, and during the first five minutes I was here, I kept hearing this annoying voice behind me, some girl asking the waitress if they had any club soda. We're at an all-you-can-eat, super Chinese type Japanese place...I doubt the waitress even understands the words "club" and "soda" nevermind the restaurant actually having any.

With that type of pretentious drink request, I'm figuring some skinny, skanky white girl who just doesn't know any better...but nope. I turn around, and it's this huge whale of an Asian girl, with too much makeup on, and she's here with a white guy too.

I can't help but laugh - at the sheer absurdity of the world - and my parents ask me what's so funny I tell them it was just something I heard on the news. They think I'm retarded.

This has been Baggin' On The Go with Choking Yak.

Do you have any club soda? Club soda. ...CLUB SODA. Do you have any CLUB SODA?

12/02/2008 09:33:00 PM | Comments (1)