I feel these are a particularly strong crop of links. This is surely a hearty harvest that will keep well through the difficult winter to come.

- I watched exactly 26 seconds of this video preview for 24 Hour Ghetto Workout, and I was already sold. I'm going to fully commit to this and get my body all cut and hood, you know, be rolling up on cats like Kimbo Slice, son. Wouldn't it just be the most terrifying thing in the world if you were just on the street and waiting for the bus, and two huge black guys just jumped on top of the bus stop and just started working out? This is real shit right here.

- I know you've watched probably a dozen different iterations of Nicholas Cage's virtuoso performance in The Wicker Man over and over by now, and if you're anything like me, you're probably at the point where you're wondering if you can even still laugh at one again. I didn't think so, personally...but that was before I saw it cut together with game footage from Mega Man 3. This has to be a classic "less is more" thing at work here, because I don't think I've ever laughed harder at any of the previous ones. Something about just the audio from that ridiculous scene, cut together so expertly with footage from an 18 year-old, 8-bit game...it's glorious.

- This commercial for the It's Not Jackie Chan board game starts innocently enough...but then takes on a terrifyingly surreal direction in which I'm not sure I want to go.

- Street Fighter II Turbo parody. I was sitting through this thing straight faced and completely unamused...until the car started dancing as well. Then it was like a dam had burst, and all the laughter I had apparently been subconsciously suppressing spilled out, and it became the funniest thing I had ever seen. Even now, I cannot justify to you. I can only hope that you find your own amusement in it, as I did.

- This is one of those classic Bollywood music videos that got the Yellow Ledbetter type misheard lyric treatment. However, it needs to be noted that even without the wacky lyric treatment, this video is still way too good and easily stands on its own. Also, have you ever seen swag like that? Check out 0:24-0:30 (especially the jacket flip at 0:29) and 1:15-1:17...that is like Michael-Jackson-having-a-"I'm Keith Hernandez!"-moment-in-1982 level swag! I mean like...that level of swag is really, really high!

Vegeta!

8/29/2008 01:33:00 PM | Comments (0)

I don't know where it came from or why it exists...all I know is that I can't stop watching it.

Woohoo!

8/27/2008 12:32:00 PM | Comments (0)

Over the last two days, I haven't been able to stop listening to The Blower's Daughter just over and over and over again. But the thing is, I'm laughing the whole time because I'm just imagining the ridiculousness of the whole thing. And now it's yet another song I'll never be able to enjoy, except on some irrational, insane level.

Thanks, assholes.

More links to keep the good times rolling.

- This video combines my fear of clowns, my love of poorly made videos (what kind of abusive, alcoholic father drinks Corona!?!), and Good Will Hunting into a strange, discordant symphony that I'm like weirded out by, but yet at the same time kinda enjoying as well. It's a like an awkward party in my mind where way too many people were invited but no one really knows anyone else, so they're all just hanging out in cliques instead of mingling around and having fun, and I'm wallflowering in a corner somewhere just taking it all in and contemplating the horrible train wreck nature of it all...but still having a surprisingly good time doing it.

- Sometimes I wish I was American. Usually it's for fairly stupid reasons, like how I could carry around four bucks in dollar bills instead of as coins jingling in my pocket. This time's really no exception as well - it's just as a Canadian, I can't really justify getting this UNDRCRWN t-shirt where Barack O-Balla is treating John McCain like he was French.

- Lastly, I really enjoyed this random Picnicface video called Orphans. As usual, it really gets out of hand at the end and escalates into a strange series of odd exchanges that I'm not even sure I should really fully enjoy at this point. But yet I do. Thumbs up!

Were they supposed to be British...? What was...what was that all about?

8/22/2008 01:13:00 PM | Comments (0)

Milk's Favorite Cookie

I was horrified this morning to discover the grim visage of death awaiting me in the form of delicious white sugar paste seemingly randomly shaped and sculpted upon a thin chocolate cookie by the unseen hand (and...uh...sculpting utensils...) of fate.

Keep in mind that the following picture contains imagery not suitable for children and those easily scared when confronted with imagery portraying the best selling cookie of the 20th century as the thanatological avatar of Mistress Death herself.

It's hard to tell in the picture because I am stupid and didn't focus my cell phone camera properly before taking the picture, and also because pictures contain no auditory information...but it spoke to me, and foretold the curious story of my future demise. The events and circumstances related to me were so shocking, so unspeakably obscene and ghastly...that to recount it again in this space would be to doom all those I love and respect with a terrible weight I can ask no one else to shoulder, one to cause bouts of troubling and fitful sleep, to be cursed; to be perpetually awoken for the rest of your lives from nightmares full of cruel and dark imagery of scope so large that it escapes and defies human efforts to fully describe.

An auspicious start to the work day. One would wonder what more frightening events could possibly follow in the wake of this foreboding dark omen...

...but I already know.

Mr. Christie, you make good cookies!

8/21/2008 11:53:00 AM | Comments (0)

Time for links.

- For all of those that often wondered where homeless people came from but were too scared to ask...well, wonder no more.

- This link features a video of Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard eating at a McDonald's and getting mobbed by a sea of curious Chinese people who have likely never seen black people before...much less seven foot tall, superhumanly athletic NBA players. I'm curious too - I'd expect a guy that makes $13.76 million this year playing basketball to have a wardrobe that consists of more than just a single white wifebeater...and yet, I've never seen him in anything else. The bit at the end where he's hitting on that Chinese girl is even funnier when you put it together with this article.

"There are many young, strong, single people in the athletes' village and, like everywhere, some will fall in love or other things so we need to make condoms available," Ole Hansen, spokesman for UNAIDS China, told Reuters.

...hmm...yes, "other things."

- Also, no Rice in China. Ahahahahaha...God, I'm so gay.

- White people...why are you like this?

- And anotha one... A University of the West of England (but not the University of West England...apparently there exists no West England...it's just England, but the Western part of it) fundraiser involving the release of dozens of helium balloons goes horribly wrong. There's rumours out there that say each balloon represents the life of an impoverished orphan in some third world country, but I have not been able to confirm that yet with my internet detective skills. Although that would just make it all that much more funnier.

- Anyone catch The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget on Sunday? Yeah, apparently it was just full of stock gay and pedophile jokes...which should come as no surprise, given as how crappy celebrity roasts usually are. Plus nowadays, just mentioning the name of Bob Saget alone is enough to elicit a chuckle - society's been roasting him for like the last ten years, we don't need some bad comedians to do it for us. I mention this, of course, because I want to share this highlight with you - Norm MacDonald's roast which clearly stands out from anything I've ever seen in one of these lame celebrity roasts. Probably one of the best anti-joke bits I've ever seen...it was a surreal, almost Kaufmanesque bit that's vintage Norm MacDonald, full blown Canadian deity.

- Somewhat related...Jim Breuer and Rob Magnotti perform the scene from A Few Good Men as Norm MacDonald and Ray Romano.

- What if I told you that I had the official video for Champion featuring Kanye running in the knock-off Olympics as a muppet? Would that be something you'd be interested in?

- It's been widely known and accepted for a while now and a lot of jokes have been made about how ridiculous David Caruso is in CSI: Miami, but up until now, I'd never thought that there'd actually exist so much evidence. You'd swear that this was some sort of SNL type parody...but it's all real footage! It exists! IT'S SO AWESOME. Furthermore, that video has absolutely ruined Won't Get Fooled Again for me; there's no way I'll be able to listen to that song again without just dying at the "YEEEEAAAAAH!" or even the whole five minute interlude leading up to it. From now on I won't be able to seriously listen or enjoy that song for what it is - my enjoyment and interpretation of that song will now be on a completely different level, like with I've Been Thinking About You. That video ruined my life.

"Her friend said she came down to drink mojitos and catch some sun."
"Well it looks like...something...caught HER."

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

8/20/2008 01:50:00 PM | Comments (0)

WOW.

Missed it again. Fourth year in a row. Really...actually remembering it has become the exception by now.

So for those of you keeping score at home, this past August 5th (wow, that was a long time ago) marked the end of YEAR SIX of The WAMBAG Experience.

It's always fun to keep track of these things and remind ourselves that we're still huge dorks that keep a loser blog that no one reads...though honestly at this point, I've just run out of things to say.

Posting has slowed down a bit recently as real life and all it's shiny distractions preoccupy our attention, but we're putting together a pretty solid campaign for Year Six so far, and our analysts are crunching the numbers as we speak, to be presented shortly in a future post. The figures are encouraging so far; we're on pace to put up the highest post count since Year Two, which is an absolutely meaningless accomplishment that makes me wonder why I even mentioned it just now.

But we got lots to look forward to; hopefully this summer's overly ambitious venture is successful. Not in the sense that it reaches millions of viewers and makes us famous, which is something I'm almost rooting against...but hopefully enough precedent is set so that we have yet another outlet in which to vent all these terrible ideas pent up in our heads. Because I honestly think we're at the point where we either film another internet short, or we end up murdering Thai hookers and burying them in shallow graves dug in elementary school yards for our own amusement.

I believe that when we look back, after the Daemonite Space Wars and the Clone Uprising of 2021, we'll find that Year Seven turned out to be a rather significant (and dangerous) period in the history of The WAMBAG.

Kudos to my fellow WAMBAGGERS, and thanks to our visitors for logging your IP information in our logs for future e-stalking purposes.

Let's start (or continue) Year Seven with this surprisingly irony free rendition of Nickelback's Photograph as performed by The Bloomington Bros. - watch out, that first step 15 seconds in is quite a doozy.

Fuckin' look at this photograph!

8/19/2008 11:52:00 AM | Comments (0)

I suppose it's stuff like Inevitable Alliance that gives people, like us, the (possibly false) hope that all the really geeky, borderline gay stuff we're doing will one day make it big in the public, online consciousness.

If you're looking for the most awesomely geeky eight minutes and forty two seconds available on the internet...there it is. Really well done...although I just can't help put wonder at why Dr. Doom would answer to Apocalypse at the beginning of the video. It's almost nitpicking...but when you consider how nerdy you have to be to even attempt something like this in the first place, it's actually pretty surprising that even these tiny details would have slipped by.

Hmmm...more stuff later. Very busy with...things.

"Is it true that you went 12 for 12 with the Maxim girls last year?"
"That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict, but fortunately the Christmas cover was twins."

8/15/2008 01:56:00 PM | Comments (0)

Let's play a game. Match the news article to the corresponding race of the people involved.

Defendant gets chicken dinner as part of plea	Chinese
Student chokes to death on cakes after trying to fit as many into his mouth as possible as a prank	Black
Thousands to wed on 8/8/08 - 'luckiest day'	Mexican
Woman fights off lion with machete while riding a donkey	White

Winners gets nothing. Losers have to buy me this juvenilely awesome Iron Man toy.

All these years I thought I liked chicken 'cause it was delicious...turns out I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken! Shit is whack! I got no say in the matter.

8/07/2008 12:59:00 PM | Comments (0)

This is gonna be a quick one. If you don't like rap, turn away.

Here is a making of "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" by Jay-Z. Timbo is in the studio with Jay and he's just playing some beats for him. Jay doesn't really feel the first 3, but when "Dirt" comes on, the look on his face is classic.


Fuck Jay-Z.

8/06/2008 09:47:00 PM | Comments (0)

Links for everyone!

- One more basketball link before we get on to everything else.

- Found some pictures of the cast of the Dragonball movie, thought you'd get a kick out of them too. I just want to know how if these big movie production companies even have a formal screening process for ideas anymore. Or even like a single guy attached to each project that goes "Wait guys, are we sure this is a good idea?" The guy who sold this idea to a studio for millions and millions of actual dollars must be the greatest salesman of all time.

...I'm totally watching this movie.

- Also, here's some pictures from the set of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, featuring Michael Clark Duncan as Balrog...with a gun. He couldn't even throw a kick in the game...now he's got a goddamn gun.

...I'm totally watching this movie.

- An Xbox 360 price drop coming in September? Interesting discussion regarding the possible ripple effects on the console market as well if it actually came to pass. In that case...I might just hold out for a PS3 price drop as well. Competition breeds cheaper video game systems for us all!

- On the other hand...here's an interesting article about McDonald's possibly rethinking their dollar menu. With escalating dairy and beef prices, the rising of minimum wage, and the overall continued economic troubles in the States, McDonald's is finding it increasingly unprofitable to keep their dollar menu the way it is. So either the double cheeseburger's gonna go, or they'll end up just raising the price of their dollar menu over a dollar (which was essentially done in Canada anyway, since we never had a dollar menu, just a "value" menu). Something to watch out for if you're a frequent McDonald's customer.

Though honestly, I don't think it'd be a big issue if they just raised the prices and renamed it the "value menu" instead, like they do here. Or even if they didn't rename it...don't think it'd put them out of business or anything either. Do you even remember when Toonie Tuesdays at KFC actually only cost $2.00? Now the Toonie Tuesday special is actually $2.59 plus tax, and there's still huge lines there at lunch whenever it rolls around. "Pocket change?" Who carries around $2.59 plus tax in pocket change, you assholes?

- From the file of Things I Think Are Cool But Would Never Actually Ever Buy Myself...Chinese Dragon print Wallabees, totally radical candles, crazy plushies, and some Hellboy kicks.

- Big discovery by NASA the other day, in which they have apparently finally confirmed the existence of (ice) water on Mars. Though I take issue with this panoramic picture of the landing site, with all those spots blacked out. What are you hiding from us, NASA!?! Seriously speaking though, it's a pretty big discovery and a huge step for this scientific campaign as well. Though it'd be even better if they could actually find some air on Mars.

Was the whole point of that stupid NASA link to setup that retarded Total Recall bit? Yes. And it was totally worth it.

"What's your name?"
"'FUCK YOU', THAT'S my name!"

8/05/2008 05:00:00 PM | Comments (0)

Feel free to disregard the following two basketball links if they're not really your bag.

- Steve Nash and Baron Davis are now Step Brothers. Nash has got some moves, man.

- Michael Jordan holding some sort of a basketball workshop. The second half of it is essentially just him taking on a bunch of kids one-on-one. And he utterly dominates them. It's like...why!?! Highlights include the little 12 year-old looking white kid at the 2:58 mark (absolutely heartless), and the (NBA caliber) post-up move he breaks out while posting up a kid at the 4:22 mark. Michael Jordan...is the biggest asshole on Earth. That's why Kobe will never be as good as him; Kobe won't ever dunk on a 14 year-old just for the thrill of it.

Just wanted to get these up here before Max or AL beat me to it.

You reach, I teach.

8/01/2008 01:48:00 PM | Comments (0)