WAMBAG.COM
FlamingSheep
Bless the internet for making celebrities out of
awkward Asian guys. Although I love all the CG animation ones, I'm quite taken by the arabian dude.
Choking Yak
Required reading for this post:
You're The Man Now Dog.com and
I'm Rick James Bitch.com
Well, I found another one.
Needs Moar Cowbell.com. God...that skit was so brilliant.
And check this out -
you can make your own! But you gotta jump on it fast, because I think the site's having bandwidth problems, and with the ridiculously huge amounts of traffic our site gets, it will surely crush that puny server to oblivion.
You can check around the site, but it's honestly not that fun. The joke is killed when you overdo it like this, and it doesn't work for every single sound bite you can dig up. But definately check out
this one - it's the funniest damn thing I've seen all year. And of course, I just had to try my hand at it, so
behold my masterpiece.
Choking Yak
Finished my exam for Quantum Mechanics this morning. And I didn't think it was possible, but I bombed it worse than I had bombed my Organic Chemistry exam - not but 24 hours ago. Gotta admit...my self esteem - which normally is pretty hard to change for the better or worse - took quite a beating over the last little while. Kinda unfortunate that I got my two hardest exams on back-to-back days, and I'm hard pressed to remember the last time I had such a hellish two days.
And I'm kinda hard pressed to remember the last time I got my ass kicked by exams this hard as well. ...no wait...yeah, I remember now - OAC Biology. But to be honest, I probably spent more time that year clipping my toe nails than I did studying for that course. And lemme tell ya - I haven't clipped those bad boys for over 53 years. But at that point, I was already accepted to university and I'm still not quite sure why I even showed up for class. I hated that crazy foreign teacher.
BUT - that's all behind me now, at least until August or whenever, when my marks are mailed to me and I realize I failed two of my courses...but even that's four months away. Not to say I'm done yet. I still have Calculus and Narrative, but who's ever had serious trouble with MATH? Come on, now. That's just silly.
Anyway, this post was only cleverly
disguised as a personal one. I know my role, and I'll get you your damn links. Just one for now, because I haven't had the time to run around sniffing them out. But what a hell of a link it is.
This bastard probably ate more of time than even that broken Teen Titans game, and probably ruined my life. I eventually found the willpower to break away from it, but you just know it's one of those games.
Though I have to say one thing - it's certainly a nice feeling finishing an exam, regardless of how badly you finished it. Huzzah - I'm back bitches!!!
Big Al
No Seriously, I'm Studying
(soundtrack)
Bombs Over Baghdad - Outkast
I try to avoid posting two in a row, but seeing as how Will is probably dead after his Chem exam I just wanted to put up a couple of links regarding an intriguing rumour involving Carmelo Anthony and...
Christina... (check the top right article)
...Aguilera? (go down to the last bullet)
My reactions to this are mixed. One hand, I'm thinking, "Go, Melo, go!" But then I consider it a bit longer and I think, "Run, Melo, RUN!!!" I don't know, with her new attitude (is she clean or dirty this week?), I'm worried what she might do to this young man. He's only 19! I know she's young too, but she's already had about 5 solid years of celebrity. He probably had posters of her in his room while he was in high school! I can see the news now:
(doodle-oo-doodle-oo-dooodle-oo...)
Anthony and Aguilera to wed
Anthony was quoted as saying, "Come on, it's Christina Aguilera man! She's awesome!" Upon further questioning, he replied by pointing out that he has all her CDs and that they have the same initials. "What could go wrong?"
(doodle-oo-doodle-oo-doodle-oo...)
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Big Al
Fuck Eli Manning
(soundtrack)
My Sacrifice - Creed
WARNING: Sports oriented post...Sports oriented post...Sports oriented post...
With that out of the way:
The other day it was reported that
former Arizona Cardinals player, Pat Tillman was killed in an ambush while serving in Afghanistan. He was 27 years old. Now I'm not going to front and pretend that I'm like, a big Pat Tillman fan or that I even give two shits about an Arizona Cardinals player. Hell, I'd never even heard about Pat Tillman before this story. But that's the real shame of it, ya know? Here's a guy who gave up a 3.6 million dollar contract and left his wife so that he could go and do something that he was never going to get recognition for. If he'd stayed and played football, he'd have people cheering him on every week and little kids looking up to him. The second he decided to give all that up and go fight in the war, he became just a statistic. Playing football, he could be a hero. Fighting overseas, he could be a grunt. Ironic, eh?
The whole thing just broke my little heart.
*****
Eli Manning is the next big thing in the NFL.
For those of you who don't know or care about how sports drafts work, think about how when you used to play sports in the playgrounds as a kid. There'd be team captains and all the kids would stand together, hoping to be picked. Well, professional sports works the same way just with about 30 different teams picking and a hell of a lot of money on the line. The reason for drafts is that the team that was worst the previous year is supposed to pick first. Makes sense, right? You suck, ergo you need the most help.
Eli Manning ain't having that. Manning is a quarterback, the most important and glamorous position in pro football. Just ask
Jesse Palmer, a backup QB with his OWN FREAKING SHOW!!!
So this Manning kid is supposed to be the next big thing. A franchise saver. Unfortunately, he's going to the lowly San Diego Chargers. His dad, Archie, is worried that his son will never make the playoffs with this team. He wants the Chargers to either not draft him, or draft him and trade him to the New York Giants. That is so wrong:
1) Shouldn't you have confidence that your son is good enough to be the centrepiece that takes this team to the playoffs within the next five years?
2) Who is he be saying which teams will or won't make the playoffs?
3) Like you have a fucking choice, old man.
Worst case scenario: Manning has threatened to sit out the season if he has to play for the Chargers. Very mature.
In summary:
Pat Tillman
- gave up multi-million dollar deal
- gave up the game he loved
- left a loving wife
Eli Manning
- actual first name is "Elisha" (yep)
- has no penis
- is a little fucking bitch
Rest In Peace Pat Tillman: 1976 - 2004
Burn In Hell Eli Manning: 1981 - whenever I manage to track him down and stick an AIDS infected needle into his rectum and then he dies from the infection.
Teen Titans Battle Blitz - Perfect for getting out all that aggression.
Choking Yak
Cocaine is a powerful drug. Okay, it's not Rick James, but it's close enough.
Choking Yak
I'm loving
this flash movie. Just absolutely delightful stuff. And that song - that song is incredible! Without a doubt, THE best Korean ska song I have ever heard. Check this out right now! RIGHT NOW.
And when you're done, laugh along with me at this hilarious
eBay auction.
Rabid Emu
I just wanted to share
this little mind-boggler. If you haven't seen the
original works, notice that the stairs ascend forever... weird.
FlamingSheep
If you're mom ever tells you that your room is messy, pull out
these guns and
thank me later.
Choking Yak
I bring you news! And the theme of the day...is explosions.
Like
spontaneously combusting pet food.
That explodes.
Sadly, so do robots. Please join me for a moment of silence...as we mourn
the loss of the first robot in the line of duty. Saaa-LUTE!!!
Now
this one's just bizarre. A South Flordia bomb squad found a box they believed to contain a bomb, and they blew it up. But instead of a bomb...it held three birds and a turtle...? Some questions naturally arise, obviously. Like...why did they a box on the street to be suspicious? Is finding a box outside on the street really that special of an occurence in South Flordia? And how could they have deduced that it was bomb? Do you just assume these things, that every box you find out on the street is a deadly weapon of mass destruction? And that you must blow it up first before it blows you up? But really, the most perplexing thing to me is why anyone would put three birds and a turtle inside a box at all. What possible purpose could it serve? ...and why the turtle?
And finally,
one last explosion. Gotta be honest with you here - I didn't even know you could get ass implants, much less that they could explode.
Big Al
Glutton For Punishment
(soundtrack)
Name - Goo Goo Dolls
It's almost 5 in the morning and I'm talking to the Ice Queen on MSN.
Why do I even bother?
I'm such a bitch.
Seacrest out.
Choking Yak
...yeah, about that whole "exam" thing...yeah, uh...I don't think so. Yep, I'm just going to stay home and waste my life away instead. Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. So without further ado, I bring you the
BEST FLASH THINGIE EVER!!! ...I don't know what it is about it that makes it so best, but it's just very enjoyable stuff. I liked Zombie Dad the best.
Choking Yak
Well, the twenty four hour mark is coming up...that means I need to get a post up here.
Exams still haven't started. But they're close, and I'm off school now, so I'm in EXAM MODE. Which means...
- I need to make sense of these notes, some of which were written while I was only half conscious. There's far too many pages that just end mid-word, and transform into huge checkmarks as I collapsed into sweet sleep.
- I've stopped shaving. It's like a playoff beard. Not that there's enough testosterone in my weak, skinny, Chinese body to really matter though.
- I also find that some days I go to bed in the exact same clothes I woke up in. It's a strangely satisfying accomplishment.
-
Some golfing every five minutes. I can't bear to bring myself to actually play official video games, but in my book, little tiny flash games are just dandy. This thing's like crack - ever since I posted this link like...four months ago, I haven't stopped playing it. I've actually downloaded the actual flash file, and I don't even need the internet working to enjoy this. And let me tell ya - I'm enjoying it. The lowest I can get is -8...and I still haven't finished it once straight through without screwing up.
- I visit
this page once about every forty five seconds. I've been doing this since last Friday. (Don't worry Jess - walking's overrated anyway. Look at how much fun
this guy's having.)
- I also play
this video over and over again. It's not even really that funny - but that's definately the best use of an "OOOHHHH!!!" I've ever witnessed.
- I've replaced every single battery in my calculator. Just in case. Even though it's solar powered.
- I've also put triple back-up pencils in my pencil bag-thing. In case my mechnical craps out, my back-up wood one breaks, and my double back-up mechnical runs out of lead. Even though I always write exams in pen.
- Oh, and I've been building up my
fundamentals. How can you write an essay...if you don't even know the alphabet? How can you build a tower...if you can't even...uh...lift...a stone. Or...something? I'm not great with metaphors.
Right. Regardless, I don't expect posting will cease. All the stuff I throw up here is just residue thought I collect during the day anyways. Though maybe not too many links anymore...I don't really have time to go sniffing for them. Okey doke. Have fun then!
Big Al
ABBA-holics Anonymous
(soundtrack)
Something On - The Tragically Hip
SCENE
(Alex reluctantly stands up)
Hello, my name is Alex Lee and I've been an ABBA fan for 12 years...7 years publicly. For the most part, I'd been able to control this addiction. I was really a social ABBA fan, you know? I could control it, stop anytime I wanted to. I didn't think it was hurting anyone when I put on a little
Dancing Queen or
Take A Chance On Me during the occasional party. I mean, we're all enjoying ourselves and that's what's important, right?
Wrong
A couple of months ago, as you all know, I went and saw the broadway musical
Mamma Mia! and...well, I was hooked. My addiction became dangerous. I was singing ABBA songs everywhere, asking people if they'd seen the show (often asking the same people more than once), and worst of all, I payed 30 bucks for the soundtrack and listened to it 2 or 3 times a day. And I don't mean in the background. I mean, I'd just sit there listening without any other kind of activity going on. Only now can I admit this.
I knew that I had a serious problem when I
had a copy of ABBA Gold in each hand, snorting crushed ABBA Gold CDs of the ass of a twelve-year old boy I called "ABBA Gold".
But that's all behind me now...I haven't listened to the Mamma Mia soundtrack at all in over two weeks. I'd like to thank God for keeping me clean. I'd like to thank my UofT friends, Angel, Natasha, Michelle, Julius and Tanya for keeping me distracted. Also helping in that department were Tom, Dan and Lee. Most importantly, I'd like to thank Max, Will, and Jess for taking care of me during this very difficult, and very gay, period in my life.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go listen to some
Weezer.
END
Avril Lavigne Stalker Update - *sigh* Alright, time to bail Max out again...
Now to close on a completely unrelated and sad note. I'd ask that we all say a prayer for "Weird" Al Yankovic whose parents passed away recently from carbon monoxide poisoning. I joke all the time about carbon monoxide leaks in my house, but I genuinely feel bad for Al. What can I say, the guy has been a role model for me my entire life. I always wanted to be called "Weird" Al. I'd go on a big "Cobain"-esque rant about his effect on my life, but I think this isn't quite the time. I'll just say this:
You can be a coffee achiever.
You can sit around the house and watch "Leave it to Beaver".
The future's up to you, so what'choo gonna do?
Dare to be stupid! Dare to be stupid!
What did i say? (Dare to be stupid)
Tell me what did I say? (Dare to be stupid)
It's alright (Dare to be stupid)
We can be stupid all night (Dare to be stupid)
I hope you're okay, Al.
Choking Yak
Bought some of those paper coin roll things yesterday and I'm going to start counting out the change I have lying around. Considering I've been hoarding it for over five years, I don't look forward to an easy job. On the other hand...I am looking forward to the hopefully large boost my bank account will get out of this. So between that and deciding to work over the summer...I'm looking to get some spending done. In fact, I've already started looking for things to blow my money on. Like buying a Philly jersey and burning it, in a sacrifice to appease the dark hockey gods, after we deal with these dirty Ottawa heathens. That, or a Tampa Bay or Colorado jersey, to screw over the rest of my hockey pool. What else? ...hurm...
- I'll buy a cat. And then
clone it. And then maybe buy some
cars.
-
This one's sold already, but I wonder if they have another one?
- Maybe buy a nice
DVD player.
- And maybe go to the
zoo.
"I'm rich bitch!"
Big Al
And The Survey Says
(soundtrack)
Whoomp! (There It Is) - Tag Team
I'd just like to thank everyone who hung out with me on Saturday. I've been a bit of a wreck lately and any company is much appreciated I assure you. Now to the business at hand:
So while I was out with Dan, Lee and Tom (Tha White Boyz!), we engaged in an argument over what rap group
Everlast came from. You know, the guy who did that song, what's it called...
What It's Like...yeah, him. Anyway, I said that he was from the group
Cypress Hill, though I wasn't sure about it. Dan, on the other hand, made the suggestion that he was from the group,
Tag Team, authors of this week's soundtrack song. A few things:
1) Both members of Tag Team are black.
2) Dan was 90% sure that he was right and told me to check
AllMusic.com, which I just did.
3) Why did Dan have to go and treat me like I'm that nigga to steal on? (yes, I know I've been saying "clown on" but I watched the skit again and it's "steal")
The answer is...
House Of Pain! Damn it, it was on the tip of my tongue! Regardless, I was a hell of a lot closer. And come on, Dan, Tag Team? Really?
Oh yeah, Lee out-bowled Dan on Saturday night by 5 pins. For real. That's a Lee True Hollywood Story.
And I'd like to apologise to Celene (someone check that spelling for me, eh?) for inadvertently shutting her out on Saturday. I think we owe her a meal, guys.
I'm outie outie and rowdy rowdy.
Breeeaaast milk...you made my daaaaa-yaaaay...
Choking Yak
Dammit. So I guess I have to check Penny Arcade every single time I post in case I've happened to find the same links right? That's just not right. Who even reads that front page rant? Come on now - my bookmark goes right to the page with the strip. But I am not a dirty thieving bastard. Well, I am - but I only steal candy bars and babies. Not links. But regardless, I'd like to avoid those situations altogether.
And so you can be pretty damn sure these links are completely legit.
A video of a
man and his guitar. It's "crazy."
IT'S A
HILARIOUS GAME!!!
Bombs away! OMG im so clever.
Oh man, this posting thing is super easy!
Choking Yak
Two kick ass links today.
The first one - if you haven't already seen it yourself - is the
The Penny Arcade Remix Project. Check the site yourself, but it's basically a bunch of japanese students filling in blank Penny Aracade strips. Brilliant stuff - arbirtary humour combined with top notch Engrish. They're all great, but here's my favourites -
one,
two, and
three (Yakuza gangsters apparently cut off half their pinkies).
And then there's
TUMIKI FIGHTERS!!! Download 5 MB's, unzip, and double click. A sweet ass shooter where you claim the corpses of your geometric enemies and attach them to your own. Amazingly fun.
Choking Yak
Yak: [thinking]
Dang, the site is going to go 48 hours without an update. And those four other bastards certainly aren't going to help me out, either.
I got absolutely nothing to post about.
...wait. I could post about having nothing to post about.
TAA DAA!!!
Choking Yak
I bring you the gift...of links.
-
Coolest bus ever.
-
"TERRORIZING THE NEIGHBORHOOD! RAAR! VENGENCE! DESTRUCTION! CHAOS! RAAAAAAR!"
- Some
commercial advertising...something. I forget. But I just like that one line "I give you my pocket money!"
- A disturbingly bizzare
Mr. T video. I have no idea what the friggin' hell this is, and I'm ashamed to admit that I watched it the whole way through. This sucker's like ten minutes long! Wow. I'm glad I didn't really grow up in the 80's.
- And from bizzare to more bizzare -
Leonard Nimoy singing...
The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins? This one's gonna keep me up at night, that's for sure.
- And also from that site - a
Will Ferrell Apple commercial.
- I've never seen this webcomic before, but I was linked to
this comic. Heh, "HE ARE SUPAR!?" Ah man...that's good stuff. I also rather enjoy
this webcomic take on the same topic as well. That's how it'd go down in the comics, believe me.
Choking Yak
Here's some links. Not much, but in the absence of an actual post, it's all you're going to get.
It's a robot. Like...a big one. The videos look pretty cool, but after I watched that
car stopping one, the whole thing reeks of sham. I bet it's a really subtle ad for the Mini. Still...gotta admit it looks pretty damn nice. And it keeps my hope for a live action Transformers movie alive.
Speaking of which...
John Woo to do Metroid movie? ...wow. Bizzare.
As is
this. Just...bizzare. Who'd want to do that? ...'cept for me? And
here is the mandatory magnet-related post.
Big Al
Grow OR Will, I Know You Beat This Already But...
(soundtrack)
Dare - Stan Bush
All I gotsta say is this:
Cube! Mountain! Antenna! Ladder! Egg! Pipe! Gear! Propellor(?)! Tornado! Satellite dish! Propulsion! Screen!
Time to sleep now...
"Burgundy did it!"
Choking Yak
I like to talk about my childhood shows every so often, and I'm sure there's a bunch that haven't really come to mind yet. But I keep forgetting about the shows I used to watch before Transformers or even before
The Super Mario Brothers Super Show. (Wow, that takes you back eh? Who remembers the
theme song!?! Ah yeah. AH HELL YEAH.)
But what about the good old stuff? The stuff that built our foundations so we could count the number of arms Deadeye Duck had in Bucky O'Hare? The stuff that taught us why Launchpad called Darkwing Duck "DW"? The stuff that let us appriciate how truly badass a ninja Snake-Eyes was?
Like Sesame Street. The show that understood children. They understood that kids that age only had an attention span of thirty seconds, tops. Which was why there were never any commercials, and segments were constantly cut in favour of brief
educational cartoons or
bizzare Muppet skits (
mp3 version!).
Sure,
Bert and Ernie had some issues. Even the pigeon obssession was weird, to speak nothing of their bit in Family Guy (Homicide: Life on Sesame Street). But how could you not love guys like the Cookie Monster or that asshole Oscar? Oscar the Grouch was my favourite, even as a kid. Didn't matter if you were one of those kids, or Mr. Hooper, or even Big Bird - he'd tell you to fuck off all the same.
And Grover. All those skits where he was a waiter ruled. Kids these days only know Elmo. They don't know nothin' about Grover. And ya know what?
Screw Elmo. Grover's old school. Keep it real.
Though I probably watched more Mr. Dressup and The Polka Dot Door than Sesame Street. And later on, maybe even Fred Penner's Place and the Elephant Show. Here's some miscellaneous thoughts.
- The Polkaroo would kick the Elephant's ass, straight up. I remember the Elephant as a wussy. Whereas the Polkaroo like...jumped around and repeated its own name over and over. It was an elusive beast, and no one knew when it would come and go. But whenever it came, it would command the attention of the show. Whereas the Elephant would just kinda hang around all the time - I got the feeling it was just one of those loser friends that the others had to endure the company of. ...like me. And let me tell ya - the Polkaroo would certainly kick MY ass.
- I bet Mr. Dressup could have kicked Mr. Rogers' ass too (God bless 'em both). Mr. Rogers talked and moved as slow as molasses. But Mr. Dressup had so much ENERGY - he'd be jumping around to his dressup trunk thing and everywhere, and was always so pumped to act out his characters. It just makes me feel so sad just knowing he's gone. ...goddammit, I got something in my eye...
- Did anyone else find it suspicious how only the two hosts could hear what Marigold, Humpty, Dumpty, and Bear said when they talked? It was almost like they were making that stuff up.
- Bear was pimp, by the way. Only he could wear nothing but a bow tie (or was it just a normal tie?), and make it work. And do you know any other stuffed bears with pet rabbits? That's right, you don't. And I bet he was hitting that Marigold between takes too. (This just in - I am now OFFICIALLY insane.)
- I bet Fred Penner hid more than just his guitar under those rocks. I kept watching, hoping that one day he'd pull out his stash of weed instead of the guitar. That would have been hilarious.
- The Elephant show was really called "Sharon, Lois, & Bram's Elephant Show" but there was this other Eric guy who kept popping up. Anyone remember watching his own show? It was like "Eric's World" or something like that. He had a (according to vague, blurry, childhood memories) hot daughter, and one of the supporting characters was this Alf-like...pig, or something. I remember actually laughing out loud watching that show. But then again...at that age, I laughed at everything. "He said 'PUKE!' BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"
- And I also remember watching this show called
Today's Special, but I remember absolutely nothing about it. 'cept that in the opening sequence, they would bring this mannequin to life by giving him a magic hat. This show is probably what caused my intense fear of mannequins that exists to this day. You just never know when they'll pop to life and spring into song and dance.
...aaaaaand I'm done.
Big Al
Kurt
Today was the 10th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death and believe it or not, I did not even know that when I woke up this morning. I'm thinking I must have caught something out of the corner of my eye or maybe heard something on the radio without even realizing it, because I was thinking about him on my trip to school today. Regardless of what inspired these thoughts, I've felt the need to say something about him all day.
Suffice to say this is going to require multiple songs.
In Bloom
When I was growing up in Avon, aka Small Picturesque Cracker Town U.S.A., there was not a lot to do besides sit around and watch T.V. or play video games. Scratch that. There wasn't a lot that I
wanted to do besides sit around and watch T.V. or play video games. Playing video games involved such classics as
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
Double Dragon 2 and the ultimate time waster,
Bubble Bobble. As for T.V....well thank God for MTV. You know, back when it was actually cool. I remember the first time I saw...
Smells Like Teen Spirit
Blew my fucking mind. It was so damn grimey and filthy and evil and kick ass. I mean, here I am, an impressionable grade 1 or 2er and there's Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic (yeah, I had to look up the spelling) rocking out in this gym that could have been pulled out of any school in America. Sure, being only about 6 or 7 years old I couldn't properly process most of the imagery (the orgasmic cheerleaders went way over my head), but it was such a visceral thrill and what the hell, this was back in the day when I actually wanted to grow up (GASP!). So I thought, "Yeah, smells like teen spirit", I get it. And somehow I did. I still remember when I asked my mom to buy me
Nevermind, in my opinion the greatest album ever. She thought it was so innocent with the naked baby on the cover. It was the first album that I ever called my own. Then two cousins of mine tried to dub my cassette and they f'd it up. I hated them and Kurt Cobain taught me how to do that. I promise that one of the first things, if not the first thing that I will do when I earn a paycheck is go out and pick up this CD.
And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile.
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind.
Fucking brilliant stuff.
Territorial Pissings
Honestly, I can't understand a word of this song except for "Gotta find a way! A better way! Ablehdeblaaaaaaahhh!" And ain't that enough?
Lithium
I remember that the first time I heard this song I thought I was dying. This song drained the life out of me.
I'm so happy because today I've found my friends. They're in my head. I'm so ugly, but that's okay cause so are you... I didn't know what lithium was. The song just sounded good. I think that was a major part of Nirvana's charm. Yeah, they're grungy and depressing and nihilistic, but at the end of the day it came down to the fact that they could pen a catchy tune. Most of their songs contain a crucial element that much of today's "hard" rock is missing: MELODY! This song was so pleasant sounding that I thought it was a love song at first. Some love song.
Come As You Are
Again, being a kid I took this as a "be yourself" anthem type thing. It is and it isn't. Sure, it's telling you to be yourself, but you've got to remember that this song was written by a drug addict.
Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memory
And I swear that I don't have a gun
Someone give this guy a hug or at least another shot of heroine.
About A Girl
One of the hits off of
Nirvana Unplugged. One of the most romantic songs I've ever heard.
Take advantage while
You hang me out to dry.
But I can't see you every night.
Free.
Drain You
Kurt commits suicide. I felt nothing. I didn't know this guy, am I supposed to be sad? It is the coward's death.
With eyes so dilated,
I become your pupil.
You've taught me everything about a poison apple.
Aneurysm
Beat me out of me. Beat me out of me. Beat me out of me. Beat me out me.
I remember this came out after the dust had cleared. It was an unreleased live track, you know the ones. It's full of the band's trademark nonsense masochistic lyrics. And it's such a Goddamn waste. This is his epitaph? A song about a blood clot exploding in a guy's head? Later they released
You Know You're Right with the Nirvana's Greatest Hits package, but this song still sticks in my head. How appropriate.
She keeps it pumping straight to my heart. She keeps it pumping straight to my heart. She keeps it pumping straight to my heart...
All Apologies
You know what really gets me? Is that in the end Kurt Cobain was this selfish fucking loser. I mean, he has millions of fans and people who love him and you know how he goes out? Shoots himself up with heroin and blows his own brains out. I mean, what the fuck is that? It was stupid. Artless. Pathetic. But none of that changes how I feel about him. Forgive me for the rambling nature of this post, but I was surprised at how much went through my mind when I decided to really step back and think about how much I loved this band. It can't be put into words, despite my worst efforts. Kurt's legacy is a sad one. He'd scoff at bands like
Evanescence,
Nickelback,
Three Days Grace et al. Yet it is those bands that cater to the audience he created. How fucking sad. But forget legacy and forget the man's life and just remember his music. I wish I had more time and space to address every song they wrote, cause' it was a hell of a run.
I wish I was like you.
Easily abused.
Find my nest of salt.
Everything's my fault.
I'll take all the blame.
Aqua seafoam shame.
Sunburned with freezer burn.
Choking on the ashes of her enemies.
In the sun, in the sun I feel as one.
In the sun, in the sun.
Married, buried.
Married, buried.
All in all is all we are. All in all is all we are. All in all is all we are...
Fuck you Kurt Cobain. Rest in peace.
FlamingSheep
If you're like me, you miss the good old days of adventure gaming, where you'd click random parts of the screen in hopes that using the cheesegrater with the dreidel will inevitably unlock the next set of inane puzzles. Well, you can lament no more, for there is a game worthy of 30 minutes of your time:
NICK BOUNTY: A CASE OF THE CRABS!!
Excellent artwork? Check. Great noir atmosphere? Check. Doesn't take itself seriously? Check. Stupid puzzles that involve CRAB SPIT?! Check.
Give it a spin if you have the time. It's the funniest adventure game to come out this year!!*
*yes, I know it's practically the only one.
Choking Yak
Machines will convince us that they are conscious, and that they have their own agenda worth of our respect. They'll embody human qualities. They'll claim to be human. ...and we'll believe them.
And I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords. You may remember that I posted an earlier link (...oh, who am I kidding!?!) about a
pimpin' trumpet playing robot. So they're already moving in on us. I mean come on - if robots can replicate our amazing trumpet playing abilities, then what use are we as humans? What more can we possibly offer as a race!?!
Oh, but that's not it. Look at
these bastards! They can do anything! Just look at all the videos, especially the
shame one. A robot that can feel and express angst and shame by beating upon the ground? That's just not right. I fear for my continued freedom and future superiority as a human being. But I gotta admit - this is the coolest thing I've seen since I checked out my uvula with a flashlight last week. And don't act like you've never done that either.
And can you honestly say that you'll stand against them when the hour comes? Even if they look like
this and can distinguish between bananas and apples? I can't. And I won't. I'm terrified of that cyborg orangutang, and God help you if you aren't.
By the way, spiritual machines suck. That's giving up the whole edge they have against us. But you know what? Happiness IS a fish I can catch. That's right. PEACE OUT!!!
Big Al
The Ice Queen Cometh
(soundtrack)
Cold As Ice - M.O.P.
Spent the whole day with Tanya. Yeah, I know, I know...What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment. Here's how it went down:
So I'm maxin' and chillaxin' with my boy Julius, my girl Michelle, and 3 or 4 other D.P.O.T.s who I didn't really know. Ju and Michelle brought instant noodles to the cafeteria and made them right there. Julius was trying to boil a bowl of water in a microwave, which predictably failed. It was funny because there were people waiting to use the microwave and all they saw inside was a bowl of water spinning around. I swear they were waiting for him to show up so they could whup his ass.
Anyway, eventually Michelle's friend Julie came by and she mentioned that she was going shopping later. No interest. Then she mentioned that she was going with Tanya.
And I stopped for a minute.
Obviously, I'm still attracted to this girl despite my previous lame attempts at romance. Hey, it's not her fault that I'm a total douche. Sure, she's as cold as the other side of the pillow, but what girl isn't these days? Besides, I'd been seeing her a lot more lately and I decided I needed to keep the momentum going and what better way to do that than to show how attentive and cultured I am by going shopping? It was a brilliant plan on my part.
It was also a BORING plan on my part. Don't get me wrong, I love playing the role of the suffering, attentive man-servant. But not when the girls I'm with aren't asking for my opinion on anything and clearly have no intention of buying anything. We must have visited, like, 10 to 15 stores and Tanya did not look at a single thing for more than a minute! I do not exaggerate. I still had a good time, of course. At the very least, it gave me a chance to learn more about her (A LOT more, this girl loves to talk about herself) and work on our witty banter. We've fortunately/unfortunately moved into that "friends who always insult the crap out of each other" phase. It's nice in that I am now absolutely comfortable with it because I can fill the silences with my barbs, but on the other hand, this phase rarely moves into the "maybe we should try going out?" phase. *sigh* I'm a sucker.
There was something different about today. I got the feeling that she wanted to hang out with me. That was new. Even in the past when I was crazy about her, I never felt that she enjoyed our time together. Today, she was telling me a lot of personal stuff and she even looked slightly hurt when I told her that I wouldn't think of us as "close". I know, that sounds harsh, but she was sort of suggesting that we were good friends, which I would love to believe, but I know better. So I had to give her the ol' "let's just be careful how affectionate we get with people we barely know" schpiel. That's a good sign(?).
For the record, I'm back on the Ice Queen Express. As I've said before, paraphrasing the great George Costanza, this woman just dislikes me so much...it's irresistible. Nah, I think we're alright. I'ts kind of a "love-hate + hate some more" relationship, but at least I can say we have a relationship. I'm so easy.
Me: That was nice.
Her: Yeah, thanks for coming. I know it must have been hard for you when you heard that I was going.
Me: (laughs) I'm about to say something completely out of character.
Her: (wary) Er...like what?
Me: It's nothing serious.
Her: Ok.
Me: I...uh...well, you know I was hanging out with Julius and Michelle and people and the Julie comes and, uh, she said she was going shopping. So I was just like, that's nice. Then when she said you were going I was like, "Wellllll, you know maybe I could tag along." I thought, Tanya's going so I mean, really, I've got to go.
Her: Oh, thanks. I appreciate that.
(pause)
Me: Yeah, well...my self esteem was getting a little too high lately.
Her: (laughs)
Me: I think I needed to be taken down a notch.
And...SCENE!
Choking Yak
dot_matrix_synth! Just scroll down to the bottom under "sounds." This guy has effectively transformed his dot matrix printer into a musical instrument. I actually kinda miss my old Raven dot matrix. And the days when I had a 14.4K phone modem too, to be honest. Back then, the ridiculous noises they made proved they worked. It was as close as being gritty and getting your hands dirty that a computer nerd could ever get. Much like how Jungle Jill was the closest you could hope for in terms of knowing a girl. Anyway, it's nothing you'll remember two minutes from now, but it's good honest fun for the whole family. Bring the kids!
Oh right, and here's the mp3 of The Devil Can't Write A Love Song that I promised...uh...one of you. I forget who. Right clicky and save as.
And
here's the next sighting of The WAMBAG-approved thespians Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn. It also features Jason Bateman (Michael Bluth of Choking Yak-approved sitcom
Arrested Development) and Gary Cole (Lumbergh of Yak-approved movie
Office Space) as the two announcers seen in the trailer. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
...I think I'm going to start carrying wrenches around from now on. Like in my belt,
Batman-style. Just so I can use that line.
Choking Yak
What is the greatest single word an elementary school student can hear? "Recess."
What is the greatest single word a high school student can hear? "Accepted."
What is the greatest single word an university student can hear? "Extension."
...
EXTEEEEEEENSION BABY!!! I have caught the mother of all breaks. And what will I do with it? Get busy and kill this one last project off and enjoy the extension I have been blessed with?
Most certainly not! I have been building up stress this entire week about this sucker, and now I don't need to worry about it until Monday! I'VE GOING INSANE WITH PARTYNESS!!! Time to spout off random song lyrics in celebration!
Get down, get down, and move it all around, wooeeoo and I look just like Buddy Holly! I wanna take you for a ride, I wanna take you for a ride, I wanna take you for a ride, I wanna take you for a ride around the world, around the world, around the world, around the world UH! I feel good. Yo my cardio's infinite - Big Willy style's all in it - getting jiggy wit it. Na na na na na na na hey hey, good biiiiiiie.
...
Smoke weed everyday.
Choking Yak
Man. Been busy, am tired. Can't spare the brain power to think up posts. So
here's a link with Seinfeld and Superman, and I'll leave a little I.O.U. here for one post.
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