Two links.

Make Transformers from paper.

Make...things from hot dogs.

That's all I gots. Tired now. Talk more next time.

8/31/2004 09:51:00 PM | Comments (0)

My Favourite Minutes

(soundtrack)
Turn My Head - Live

My university mates came over on Friday. I told them I'd show them around, which is hilarious considering that my knowledge of Markham extends from my house to as far as Markville Mall. We planned to go out to dinner, but it was really just an excuse to have them come over and force them to listen to Gary and I play some songs for them. And yes, when it's all said and done, this amounts to nothing more than a massive ego stroke for me. If anyone is curious, Quicklime's set for the day was:

1. Hotel Yorba - The White Stripes
A ridiculously fun song to play and an excellent way to start off the festivities (if I do say so myself...which I do).

2. Candidly - Quicklime
I explained to them how Gary wrote this song for a Latin project, but I should have just ripped off Will Ferrell as usual and told them this:

Me: So one night Gary and I were driving and we were pretty drunk.
Gary: Ha ha, I can't believe you gon' tell this story.
Me: Ha ha ha. Yeah, well...we were driving along this dark highway when we hit a kid. We got out to check on him and sure enough, he was dead. We drove off, pretty fast. 2 hours later, we wrote "Candidly".

I think that would have really endeared us to the audience. By the way, it warrants mentioning that the audience was as large as the band itself. I'd invited David (my fellow non-drinking buddy), Julius (fresh from a trip to Hong Kong, my wild and outgoing buddy), Michelle (my wonderful female buddy) and Tanya (THE ICE QUEEN!!!). Only David and Tanya could make it in time before Gary had to go to fellowship, so we decided to go on with the show. David seemed to enjoy it, while Tanya had this look on her face of either melancholy or sheer disinterest. I'm going with the latter, natch.

3. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down
This was by request. The other options were So Far Away by Staind (chezzy) or Somebody Waits by Blue Rodeo. I ain't gonna lie, I couldn't sing Somebody Waits. So Kryptonite it was. An oldie, but a goodie. Plus, I got to break out the angst-ridden/generic rock/Eddie Vedder-wannabe voice. Good times.

4. Seashell Sally - Quicklime
Our gimmicky, sure-fire radio hit. Artistically speaking, once you've written a song that includes the words "Bippity-boppity-boo", there's really nowhere else to go but down.

5. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional
I'm not going to front. I think I kick ass singing this song. I was flexing here. It's hard to sing like that Carrabba cat, but let me tell you, I screamed my damn heart out. My head hurt so bad after.

6. New Year's Eve - Quicklime
This song is in danger of getting played out before it even hits the radio. Ouch.

Overall, I think the whole thing went pretty well, especially when you consider the fact that A) My audience was slightly toasted after experiencing a 2 hour commute for the first time (come on, guys) and B) Half of the audience was Tanya.

I managed to get Gary out of the house before he was put into a situation where he would have to actually socially interact (you owe ME one, pal!). Then we chilled out until Julius and Michelle showed up. Then we chilled out some more, in my basement no less, until it was time for Korean B B Q! Yeah!

The ride up was sobering. We were wedged into the back of Julius' car (one of those suped-up deals with no actual space and a license plate that reads FIR3B4LL) so Tanya was forced to rub shoulders with me. Poor girl. I spent the whole ride staring out the window and yelling at Julius to find a radio station with some real music (he's a techno/dance guy...ugh)

Believe it or not, for once I had to be the go-to guy on a Korean BBQ outing. Me! All 145 pounds of me! Michelle was feeling sick, Tanya was on some sort of "no red meat" riff (come...ON!), and Julius and David are a couple of little bitches. I was being force-fed everything, but I had to put on a brave front for these guys. I had to rep Markham, ya heard?

I should note that Tanya barely spoke during the whole dinner. Considering the things she usually has to say to me, I guess that's a good thing. But seriously, she's visibly uncomfortable around me. It's not just in my head, damn it! Why is it that she feels that just because I had feelings for her that she can't treat me like she would any of her other friends? I hear all the time about the fun times these guys have when I'm not around, so as soon as she's around me she suddenly becomes some stick in the mud? I ain't buying that, homes. I've respected her feelings long enough, now I'm just getting mad. I like her, it's obvious, but even my gluttony for punishment has its limits.

I shouldn't have let her ruin my night and I didn't. It was a great time. We went for the ritual post-Korean Bubble Star session. BAD IDEA. I was really starting to feel all the meat as the night grew longer. I could barely breathe. I was doing that thing you do before you vomit. You know, that thing where you can feel your own saliva building up at the back of your throat? Yeah, that. I ended up dry heaving (puking without anything coming out for those who don't know) in the underground parking afterwards, just before we got into Julius' car. Too bad. That would have scared the crap out of him.

How ironic is it that I invite my drinking buddies over for a nice, sober night on the town and at the end, I'm the one who ends up getting sick. UNbelievable.

As for the on-going saga that is having a job, I've got a few notes:

* I'm starting to get along with most of the ladies at work. None of them are too bad, though nothing spectacular either. However, and forgive me if I've mentioned this before, it's an enormous step-up from the sausage-fest that was working in grocery. I still miss the comradery, that trust that comes with...ah, who am I kidding? I'm swimming in donut now.

* I love how customers try to handle change. Some of them are generally helpful when they give you enough change so that you only have to give them back bills or large coins, while others are trying to just rid themselves of change and slow down the entire line-up. They usually get theirs though when they try unloading their nickels and dimes and I hit them with an assload of pennies.

* I fell in love again today. This time with a customer who I found to be magnificently attractive. Not too short, but shorter than me. Good body. Brunette. Cute face. Her voice was intoxicating, like a Mariah Carey track. The kind of woman who even if I could show her to you, I wouldn't be able to explain her beauty. Looked slightly older, though I'm not too good with determining age. Maybe she was a 2nd year student like me...or a woman in the 2nd year of motherhood. I can never tell. I saw her early in my shift and I was useless for the rest of the day. I doubt I'll see her again.

*sigh*

If you haven't watched the trailer for the new Wes Anderson flick starring Bill Murray (!) yet, check it out. I think I'm a go watch it right now.

All right, look, I'm sorry. I know this is yer place an' everything. It's just a bit of a...well, a disappointment, really.
How so?
Because I've been wanderin' round the world for three quarters of a fuckin' century, watchin' all me mates dyin' or gettin' old, an' now I finally find someone else who's gonna live forever an'--well. It turns out he's a bit've a prick.

8/29/2004 11:23:00 PM | Comments (0)

A preview of what's to come on the WAMBAG...




... wait patiently my friends. The best is yet to come.

MaxSnax

8/29/2004 05:02:00 PM | Comments (0)

Goddamn I'm tired. Here's some links.

Video! I got no idea what this is, but I thought it was pretty funny. "Are you okay? No...you're not."

Strange eBay auction. It's the sale of some Transformer comics that were written 15 years ago that apparently predicted 9/11. Man...this guy is wacky. Check this bit...

"I bought the golden disk follwoing a strange dream i had months before where beast wars megatron spoke of a golden disk that was to be found at sixfields (a footbal stadium near where i live in northampton) he also said it would be linked to a playstation one game,(i am pyschic in case any of you are wondering) he also spoke of someone called skyshadow, true enough i found the said playstation one game when i stared a job there in the july of 2001."

You know what? I was wondering, thank you.

Next are some weird Amazon.com reviews written by a man called Chad Kultgen. Apparently Amazon pulled his reviews, but for some reason, the back-ups are still available. Page one, page two, page three, and page four - the normal page links on the site don't work. Top shelf.

8/27/2004 09:05:00 AM | Comments (0)

After like two straight weeks of saying "Okay, I'm getting some extra sleep TODAY", I've decided to scrap that idea and just forgo sleep entirely. Let's see how long I can go until I burn out. ...I'm guessing one day.

Why? I finally got my dirty paws on a (poor and almost certainly bootlegged) copy of Anchorman. But whatever - IT'S OVER. Complete commitment to memory has begun and will be complete by week's end.

The only problem? Instead of Let Go stuck in my head, it's now Afternoon Delight. I can't get it out - it's even worse than before. It's like Frou Frou dug a hole in my head already, and Afternoon Delight is using that same hole, 'cept it CONTINUED TO DIG EVEN DEEPER.

I can't live like this. I need this song. If I could inject it into my veins without air bubbles giving me cardiac arrests, I would.

There is only one solution. (And this time, I don't mean suicide. That's Plan B.)

"I'm a man. I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am."

8/25/2004 11:17:00 AM | Comments (0)

So we already got the DC side pretty much down right? With the Nazi Superman and everything? Let's try and get the Avengers down then.

Troy Hurtubise - Iron Man styles.
Hiroshi Kobayashi - Um...also Iron Man styles.
Tommy Frank - Hawkeye styles.
Crazy guy - Swordsman styles.
Yu Zhenhuan - Beast styles.

And hey, they already got a crazy disaster to resuce people from - GIANT WHITE BLOB OF EVIL INVADES SOME PLACE CALLED "DUNN" IN NORTH CAROLINA!!! I bet bears were behind it.

True, we haven't found Captain America yet, but remember - he was still stuck in suspended animation when the Avengers were originally formed. Until we find him, they can call up this Cambodian baby (Nightcrawler styles) as a reserve member.

Yeah, I realize I could have subbed any random Olympic winners in (ie. Hawkeye, Triathlon, Hulk, She-Hulk, Namor, etc.) but that would be cheating. And if there's one thing I don't do, it's cheating. And lying - I have never lied in my life, and I am 100% certainly not doing it right now, this very moment, as I type these truth filled words.

8/23/2004 10:47:00 PM | Comments (0)

Continuing along the vein of robots, I bring you the story of Troy Hurtubise, creator of the experimental anti-bear armoured suit. Yes. A mecha to battle bears.


This is Troy, harnessing the power of TECHNOLOGY to battle an ursine evil. Looks like another candidate for the real-life Iron Man spot has entered the race.

Here are some more pictures, and some news links.

8/23/2004 05:13:00 PM | Comments (0)

I think it's well documented here that my hatred for McDonald's' (what's the punctuation supposed to be!?!) advertising campaign burns with the heat of a thousand suns. The ideas are so damn stupid that they're lame. They're bad - not funny bad - just BAD bad. I hate them. Just like I hate how people laugh at the trailer for White Chicks. But sometimes - only sometimes - the ads are funny bad.

Example #1 - I understand that this ad ACTUALLY exists over in China/Japan/dirty Asian countries. Now this is just funny. Check out Ronald throwin' up gang signs. Dat's gangsta! Also note his tiny Asian eyes - this is an Asian Ronald McDonald, friends. Just insanity. This would have been even more funny if I wasn't kinda scared of Ronald.

Example #2 - Okay, you gotta be kidding me. No, this isn't a Chappelle's Show spoof. This one's just too easy - it's like they WANTED people to think that.

Example #3 - ...yeah, this one's a fake one I found. Here's all I got to say - hold that shit down nigga, shoot that shit nigga. Good stuff.

Also, not McDonald's related, but this is just...I don't know. Did princesses and fairies and stuff go out of fashion? Are eight year-old boys dressing up as pimps now, instead of Ninja Turtles? COME ON!!!

EDIT: Okay, apparently they are. Damn society. I blame Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and all those evil Japanese imported cartoons. If kids grew up on a steady diet of Transformers, G.I.Joe, or X-Men this wouldn't be happening.

Oh, and Let Go by Frou Frou has consumed my life - I can't live without this song playing in my head. It is this week's GREATEST SONG OF ALL TIME. These Frou Frou albums aren't that shabby either.

8/22/2004 09:30:00 PM | Comments (0)

I bring you the gift of videos.

- Killer kickboxing robots! Sure, Jess posted it first, but like I said, mine has videos! I like The Rumble the best - everyone's confused, bodies everywhere, guys are bumping into other guys - it's like a gigantic robotic orgy. And I'm always for that.

- Wok boarding. I think that's pretty straight forward. I like the screaming - wish there was more of it.

- Excellent Pepsi commercial. I like the screaming - glad there's lots of it.

- And finally, the greatest video I have ever seen. I don't know what to say - just watch it.

"I thought you killed yourself."
"What?"
"That wasn't you?"
"...n-no, that wasn't me."

8/21/2004 10:55:00 AM | Comments (0)

Wallowing In My Own Filth

(soundtrack)
Dope Nose - Weezer

After an insane, drug addled post about hats and a post with wedding photos that none of us should ever have had to witness, it looks like it's up to me to class up this joint once again.

Before I start, I just thought I'd note that I found a site with the address www.wabag.com after making a typoe while searching for any mentions of our site on the internet, which I often do. I'll save you the trouble of clicking the link: It's a "water solutions" company. I figure if we can get our address changed to www.wambag.com, maybe we can get some extra hits if people go looking for that site and accidentily get us. The sites aren't even that different when you think about it. Eh? Eh? Just a thought.

I've been watching a lot of the Olympics. I've already watched more Olympics in the last week than I have in my entire life. And it's all SWIMMING! How many freaking swimming events can there be? It's like, one for every style (butterfly, breaststroke, freestyle, backstroke) and then different distances (100, 200, 400, 800) and then you toss in relay and the races where you have to switch between styles! It's gratuitous. It's like, swim-porn.

There was one great highlight, though. Did anyone see Kosuke Kitajima win the gold over the weekend? If anyone could find video, it would be great (I'm a lazy bastard). The race was nothing special, but after he won, he just started screaming. It was like, "Aaaaaaaah...AAAAAAAHHH!...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" I can't explain it, just ask me to do it for you if I run into you.

Bonus points: He cheated and got away with it (then proceeded to win another gold medal on Wednesday).
Double bonus points: His vanquished American rival said after that the screams would "haunt him". Delicious.

I been working like crazy this week, which is why I decided to take today off. My friends were calling me to go downtown, but I told them to go screw themselves. I rented MVP Baseball 2004 the other day, a game I've been trying to track down for about eight months and I've been playing it non-stop. Let's just say that I was wide awake at six in the morning and not because I'd decided to get up early.

On the contrary, I eventually passed out and regained consciousness at about 3 PM. That is bad. I mean, I think everyone here knows that I'm an advocate of sleeping as much as possible, but seriously, that's BAD. That's "where is my life going right now?" bad. I think part of the reason that I wanted to get a job is so that I wouldn't feel guilty on the days where I decided to be a total bum, but still. THAT'S BAD.

I ain't lookin' too sharp right now either, if anyone cares. Yao Ming has said that if Team China doesn't do too well in the Olympics, he's not going to shave for six months. I imagine that he'll be looking a bit like me right now. On the other hand, if he can surpass my record of twenty three hairs, I'll be impressed. Ooh, I think I can feel another one poking through!

I spent a lot of the day listening to The Very Best Of Dusty Springfield. Good times.

Also, today was a good way to unwind before I have to go to Anna's party tomorrow. I'm pumped to see everyone, but it's definitely going to take an effort to socialize with all the old peeps again, ya know? I'm hoping I worked out all my vices today.

Then again, Max is coming over early tomorrow morning and we're going to play ESPN NFL 2005 until the party starts. Of course, this means we're going to the look and smell of two gentlemen who have spent the whole day playing video games. Now that's how you prepare for a party.

Oh yeah, one last work update. I love cashiering, blah blah blah, but there is one thing that I regret. When I was a stockboy, I'd bring things out of the back on a cart. Sometimes while I was putting things on the shelves, people would just start taking things off my cart. That got really annoying after a while and it was only a matter of time before I had a Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy-esque breakdown. You know:

"I'm stockin' here! I'm stockin' here!"

I'm a lame ass.

Here', it's only half ten. D'you want to come on an' I'll show you round a bit, aye?
Yeah...Listen, this is gonna sound kinda stupid: You know the way to the Empire State building?
Fuckin' tourist!

8/19/2004 11:32:00 PM | Comments (0)

Acting as a jackass, I'm ruining any chance of tricking the hapless, unsuspecting vagrants of the cyberworld into believing this is a news site.

Oh well.

And what worthy material am I posting in its stead? Cosplay of course. But not your average, run-of-the-mill, vanilla cosplay. No, this is one of those exotic variants, banned in 35 states and yet still fully legal in Canada. I'm talking about cosplayin' during a wedding.

The. Truth. Is. Stranger. Than. Fiction.

Oh, and there's a bunny too.

This deserves serious What Fuck Quotients, and if it was a movie, Van Helsing pointage too.

To quote 28 Days Later (actually it was a phrase written on a wall in blood, so I don't know if "quote" is the correct term, but whatever):

"The end is fucking nigh"
- blood of some zombie dude

P.S. This is pretty funny too.

8/19/2004 05:18:00 PM | Comments (0)

Yak adds two rookies to bolster rotation

The WAMBAG Press

TORONTO, ON -- Choking Yak announced today the signing of two new rookies to help soldify his team for the coming season.

Lebron is wearing a hat.

The Minnesota Twins rookie was drafted from New Era to split playing time with the Blue Jays veteran, who was the first option for most of last season. The rookie is not expected to replace him, but will be able be able to play as a solid second option behind him, and even step up in games missed by injuries or other factors. Choking Yak reiterated this point during the press conference in front of his bathroom mirror. "Let me just set this straight - no one can replace the Blue Jays cap on this team. We've had a strong tradition of Blue Jays caps, dating back to over a decade. But the fact is, he's an aged veteran who's showing signs of wear. He might be able to play out the entirety of next season, but we felt it was better to bring aboard the rookie to cut down on his minutes, and to ease a new franchise player in as the full-time first option when the Blue Jays cap does eventually retire." Choking Yak also mentioned that during tough stretches at the beginning of the season - say, rainy days - the veteran is expected to get the nod and the majority of the playing time until the rookie is broken in.

It was also announced that Yak also signed a Raptors rookie from undistinguished Reebok to come off the bench as a situational specialist. "I feel that in limited minutes, he can definitely produce for us. We brought him onboard for specific situations that he can excel in and help out the team at those moments - for example, actual Raptors games." The club has not had a Raptors hat on the roster since the '99-'00 season, when the last one was forced to retire due to injuries sustained when Yak's mom accidentally put the hat through the washing machine one day while Yak was at school.

Both rookies will be relied upon during the upcoming season to provide a boost to this struggling club. "Last season was a disaster. There's no way around it - it was a failure in every sense of the word. Children were pointing and laughing, large scary black men kept giving me strange looks - even the actual teams on the caps struggled." The '04-'05 Blue Jays are currently fifth in the AL East, and the Maple Leafs were bumped out of the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs by the Flyers for the second time in a row. The Maple Leafs hat has since been demoted to the minors and if the Blue Jays cap doesn't bring more success to the club, then Yak might have no choice but to force the raw Minnesota rookie into a starting role. However, Yak remains optimistic about the new rookie - "I like him. He can play a lot of positions. I can wear him normally, or slightly tilted back or to either wing, and he can even play some minutes backwards - though I'm not that big on running that style of play. But it'll be exciting to see how it all works out - he's got a huge upside, a lot of potential, a high ceiling - he might be very good someday." The rookie does come from a background with proven success, as the Twins are currently on pace to capture their fourth straight division title. Former Blue Jay Shannon Stewart also remains a fan favourite here in Toronto, and Johan Santana is the one thing that's keeping Yak's fantasy team afloat.

"Hopefully we can turn the franchise around this season and work towards the ultimate goal of having a nice lady friend look our way, or at least put the building blocks in place to be able to accomplish that in the next couple of years." The team has never made the playoffs in its entire twenty year history.

Both rookies were unavailable for comment, as they were fucking hats, and hats can't talk.

8/19/2004 12:40:00 PM | Comments (0)

Been out of action for awhile. School, work, and miscellaneous things have been piling up...and I still haven't found that blasted dust pan. Which isn't cool, because my parents are coming back today. ...or tomorrow - that's another thing I should probably figure out soon. But it's times like these that I wish the days were longer. I've already put in over 24 hours worth of work this week and it's only Wednesday morning! That night school exam certainly didn't help me out either. Over these past two weeks, I think I've averaged like five hours of sleep a night. I've done worse and for longer, but it's still not a good thing for me. And my body's trying to steal those hours back while I'm at work - I've had to rely on all my years of in-class-sleeping experience to fight it off. Frequent walks, drinking massive amounts of cold water, cutting myself with a blade, secret ninjitsu mind techniques...you've taught me so much, RHHS and UofT. So much. I understand that one single cup of coffee could probably solve all of that, but I will stick to my life goal of not ever drinking one sip of that devil water. Or that Jolt crap too. I realize that it's a foolish goal, but a man can dream, can't he?

Anyway...what the hell was I saying...? Right - been out of action for awhile. Haven't had the time to check out these spiffy links I got in front of me, but I promise I will soon. I don't like posting links I haven't seen myself - even though it might seem that way, since I can never remember what I post. But I swear, once I get some spare time at home, I'll throw up some goodies. Just not today, because I gotta stay late again.

Now for some public service announcements...

- If you've seen AVP, do not - I repeat - DO NOT attempt to think about this movie. I made that mistake, and I have suffered for it. Even that standard post-movie reflection we had at that Vietnamese place was dangerous enough. But during a lull here at work the other day, I foolishly went ahead and spent even more time thinking about it. Do not do this. This movie is dangerous enough as it is. (There's probably a Choking Yak joke in there somewhere, but my mind is dull and I cannot find it. ...also, it might be bad taste to make fun of dead 3 year-olds.) ... (Dammit, there's probably a bad taste/dead 3 year-old joke in there too, but I couldn't find that one either!)

- Also, our team of movieologists here at The WAMBAG are still unable to properly gauge AVP in terms of Van Helsing percentage (henceforth known as "VH%"). This may be due to the fact that we really have absolutely no idea what the hell VH% measures. So we might want to figure that out one day. However, the movieologists we have on our payroll all unanimously agree that the potential VH% figure is high. Way high.

- Regarding the Canadian Nation Expo - I am actually serious. I know I say a lot of things, and that I am a pathological liar, but I was indeed in fact, serious about this one, just this one time. I've been angling to hit this baby up for the last four years, with my cousins, some church guys, and once even with high school people (I'm not sure why I actually expected that not to fail), but stuff never works out. Though it's always been for the comic book side - I was never interested in the CNAnime thing until I watched that one cosplay video. ...well okay, there was some preliminary interest when Jess brought it up, but that video (and those cosplay pictures that Sheep has suspiciously easy access to) sealed the deal. So I've officially brought it up now, and I will soon Really Officially bring it up in person/phone/pigeon whenever I have the time. Which again...might actually take awhile. But it's the weekend after the Magic thing, aka "next weekend" since the Magic thing is "this weekend."

- Speaking of which, we should document that. I am often saddened and angered by the fact that I am unable to brag about my top seeding from last time, since it was undocumented. And the people that witnessed it were all a bunch of slack jawed faggots anyway and aren't worth talking to.

- Speaking of which, ever since watching Predator again and now owning it, I have begun to work more and more Ahnuld vocabulary back into my life. I don't know why I ever stopped. So just a heads up.

- Speaking of which, I need a copy of Kindergarten Cop. If anyone ever sees it at FutureShop or something, send a pigeon. Because I have not been able to find it. And BELIEVE ME, I've tried.

- That "BELIEVE ME" is supposed to be Will Ferrell from Bad Doctor #1. Damn the internet.

So with the above points in mind...it might not be completely outside the realm of possibility for the fabled Articles page to make its glorious return. With school coming soon and the need for unproductive alternatives to homework, it's definitely possible. Maybe just a plain W-L record for the Magic thing, and maybe a simple running database of movies and their Van Helsing rating? Anyone think this could work? Is it just me? COME ON!

8/18/2004 02:40:00 PM | Comments (0)

Best cosplay ever. Snake would be proud.

Slow-motion Dive-In Edit! I'm glad to see the race that spawned John Woo getting gold in all them shooting events. When you think about it, it really makes sense.

8/16/2004 04:50:00 PM | Comments (0)

What. The. Hell? Jess posting a Street Fighter video? No. NO! That's like discussing architecture with George Costanza - you don't do that to me. That was a Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike finals match for the Evolution 2004 tournament, between Daigo Umehara and Justin Wong - gods among men in the fighting game world. Parrying an entire super is ridiculously crazy - you won't understand exactly how crazy until you've actually played this game in a real arcade. I have trouble consistently parrying fireballs that the computer throws at me. But to do it in an actual match, and following it up with a jump-in combo, against another expert player, who's playing a turtling Chun-Li...that's just insane.

But if it's Street Fighter videos that you want...then you might want to check out these two as well...
- JChensor's Ode To The 2 Hit Combo - a disgustingly huge 21 minute, 323 MB video. Some of these might actually be harder than the super parrying.
- A combo video by NKI. Exploits lots of the glitches in some of the games - I'm not completely sure what's going on in half of them. This file's a lot smaller than the Ode though.

And that metal rubber link Jess posted was neat as hell, too. And yes, this does open the door to super cool armoured superheroes.

So to recap, we got...
- Metal Rubber Man (Iron Man styles)
- the German superbaby (Nazi Superman styles)
- the Russian x-ray girl (Commie Supergirl styles)
- the invisibility cloaks from Japan (Gray Fox styles)
- London's Harpoon Man (Aquaman styles)
- the Boneless Korean or whatever the hell he is, doesn't matter (Plastic Man styles)
- Father Matt Foley aka The Priest, fighting crime from out of his van down by the river (Preacher styles)
- a Maine man who says that a lightning strike has energized him (Flash styles)
- a supersmart millionaire (Batman styles)

We live in an age of Marvels.

8/14/2004 02:00:00 PM | Comments (0)

Something Funny

(soundtrack)
I've Been Thinking About You - Londonbeat

Went downtown the other day with Gary and couldn't get this damn song out of my head. "Shi-bow bow!"

Anyway, here's a funny video for all of you to lighten up your day. It's only about ten seconds long, so don't be afraid of falling into one of Yak's gay porn epics. Enjoy.

Explains itself.

Jesse...I'm as strong as fifty men...
Then I'll kick your ass fifty times.
But--I mean--This is stupid, I don't have to fight yeh! I can just fuck off, or, or stand there while yeh wear yerself out, or--
When the time comes boy-- You better fight like hell.

8/13/2004 11:54:00 PM | Comments (0)

Alien Debris Found in Siberia.

This is news I have been waiting for since I started watching the X-Files in grade 3, soiling myself during every episode. I say we seek out these extra-terrestrials, establish a cultural trade to learn about their mysterious ways, and then travel to their homeworld to bomb the shit out of them and steal their oil.

Because if there is one thing Science Fiction has taught us, it's that Will Smith was right, those robots were out to fuck us.

And if there are two things Science Fiction has taught us, it's that all aliens are going to invade our planet and shanghai our oil, so we'd better pre-emptively strike them and wear the pants in this relationship.

Well, that, and the Will Smith thing.

8/13/2004 12:01:00 AM | Comments (0)

Some brief points...(I think I need to come up with a name for when I do this. Kinda like The Sports Guy's cowbell deal, or everyone else's "Quick Hits". I was going to go with Will's Wise Words of Wisdom, but then I realized that there is no one here that goes by that name. There is no "Will" here. He doesn't exist. And there's nothing that starts with 'y' - so I'll have to go with something like Choking Yak's Provoking Facts...which quitely frankly, is the lamest thing I've ever heard in my life. The search continues...)

- I've been going to Wendy's for lunch lately. Maybe like once a week. What's weird about it is that I've never seen a Wendy's on or from my way to work. Meaning that I had to actually go and seek it out, choosing to drive past all the McDonald's, Harvey's, and whatever's that I see. Why? I don't know. I will tell you one thing though - the Bacom Mushroom Melt (with double the beef) is perhaps the greatest fastfood burger known to man. I challenge you to name a better burger. I dare you. The ultimate burger feast? Wendy's Bacon Mushroom Melt (double the beef) with a side of McDonald's french fries and one of those ridiculously large vanilla milkshakes from the Pickle Barrel. A single one of those milkshakes can feed an entire African nation.

- Choosing Pepsi over Coke is like choosing to have sex with men over having sex with women. I'll just never understand it. That's not to say all heterosexual females are Pepsi drinkers or vice versa. I'm just trying (and failing) to make an analogy. The same thought could apply to vegetarians. Sure, I have no problem with you choosing to eat nothing but brussel sprouts for the rest of your life, but when I bite into that juicy steak, I can't imagine why anyone would want to give that up. Who cares if the cows are slaughtered painfully and inhumanely before they end up on my plate? More pain = more taste. It's a scientific fact. Look it up.

- I discovered a new gear today for my car. See, normally I shift to it a setting called "4-D" - that's how I did it when I test drived the car, and the saleswoman never corrected me on that, accursed woman. So I assumed "4-D" was just the normal drive. Turns out that they are two separate gears - fourth gear and drive. They're both on the same level on the gearshifter vertically, but apparently the drive is to the right of fourth gear. Now that's just stupid. No wonder this car picks up worse than my Caravan - I'VE BEEN DRIVING IN FOURTH THE WHOLE TIME. I'm a fucking idiot.

- Usually I'll take my lunch a little early if I decide I feel like fastfood. It doesn't really matter exactly how early, as long as I line up to get to the counter before 12:02. Because as soon as it hits 12:00, people from all over fly out of their building for lunch, and everyone wants fastfood. So factor in a travelling/parking time of two minutes, and you'll notice that there's a ridiculous sudden spike in the number of people and the size of lines as soon as you past the 12:02 mark. Line-ups get long. Sometimes I miss the 12:02 cut-off, and I end up waiting in line for Wendy's for like five minutes. And during these times, I realize that there are some really bothersome people out there. (next point!)

- Say you're waiting in line to buy lunch at McDonald's. Say the line-up's really long, and you have to stand in line for like five minutes. So wouldn't you be able to figure out what you want for lunch within those five minutes? I mean, what else can you do? And yet...there are people who are taken by surprise when it's finally their turn to buy, and they spend minutes - WHOLE MINUTES - just deciding on what to get. How is this possible? Why does this happen? I mean, sure - I'm not saying that you can't hesitate a little bit, with a "Hmm...yeah...I'll have the..." when they ask you what you want. I'm not asking that you figure out exactly what you want before it's your turn, Soup Nazi style. In fact, I generally have no idea of exactly what I want until I'm looking into the beady little eyes of that sweaty cashier. But at the very least, can't you narrow it down beforehand? You should already have a good idea of what you want and don't want even before you walk into the place. For example, I'm not ever getting a salad. I'm not getting a fish burger. So that narrows it down to either beef (quarter pounder or Big Mac) or chicken (nuggets or McChicken). Two quick choices, that's all you have to make. But there are people that just stand there at the counter looking up at those coloured menus, mentally going through each item one by one. "Hmm...nah. Uh...nah. McChicken? Uh...hmm...well...nah." COME ON!!! Can you not do this WHILE IN LINE? McDonald's has a standardized menu that is essentially the same throughout each and every single one of the sixty trillion shops they have set up in every goddamn corner of the world. You already know what they have, so it's not like you need to see the menu first. So what the frickin' hell were you thinking of while standing in line for five minutes!?! Why? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS ON MY TIME? And when that crucial choice is finally made, and the cashier asks whether they want to supersize it (or double it or whatever at Wendy's/Harvey's, since McDonald's doesn't have that anymore) or what drink they want, I want to just jump them right there and strangle somebody. COKE! JUST GO WITH FUCKING COKE!!! It's not like Diet Coke will help you much, since you've chosen to eat fastfood despite the fact that you're obviously sixty pounds overweight and there probably isn't a person alive outside of Tayshaun Prince that can touch their hands together if they hugged you.

- Actually, I take that back. The other day, I did actually see someone who didn't know the menu. This middle-aged white woman - obviously (somewhat) educated and dressed in business attire - was asked (after a full minute of choosing what burger she wanted) whether she wanted the sandwich or the meal. She asked what the "meal" was. ... DOUBLE YU TEE EFF!?! They had to explain it was having fries and a drink in addition to the burger, and this woman had never heard that before. How? How is this possible!?! There is a person living in North America that does not know what a "combo" or a "meal" means at a fastfood place? That is not possible. This story couldn't have happened. I am making this up and I am lying to you. I refuse to acknowledge this.

- It's been like twenty days since I bought a package of comics on eBay. Attempts to contact the seller have been difficult at best. I'm faced with no other alternative - I'm leaving that fat bastard NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. I wish everyone had feedback scores in real life, to rate their records as a person. I would be shooting out negative feedback like it ain't a thang. Cut me off? NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. You have a stupid sounding laugh? NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. You made direct eye contact with me? NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. And if anyone ever left me negative feedback, I would track them down and kill their dog.

"What gear are you in?"
"...gear?"

8/11/2004 05:36:00 PM | Comments (0)

They look so happy.

8/10/2004 09:47:00 PM | Comments (0)

Some cosplay goodness from Comicon.

8/09/2004 02:05:00 PM | Comments (0)

Where No Man Has Gone Before

(soundtrack)
All Falls Down - Kanye West

My first week as a cashier has come and gone and I've got to say that the results have been mostly positive.

In what likely comes as a surprise to no one, I was struggling at first. My main problem was (and to some degree, still is) remembering codes for stuff that I can't just scan, like fruits and vegetables. I don't think they expected me to have the whole produce section memorized by my second day, but I was still disappointed in myself. My other problem was identifying the different fruits and vegetables. All these different kinds of onions and apples and potatoes...it can be intimidating. I wasn't screwing up too badly, but I may have mispriced a few things here and there so whoever handles the accounts is going to be none too happy with my work.

I've settled into a nice groove now and frankly, it's an enjoyable job when I think about other things I could be doing. Like being one of those kids who stands outside with a sandwich sign. That's just humiliating. My apologies to anyone reading this who has actually had to do that for a living. Also, my pity.

Bonus points: I'm surrounded by women all day. Admittedly, they're all kind of "Meh with a side order of meh", but that's okay. It's better than the sausage party that is the society of stock boys.

I've probably also allowed my fair share of counterfeit bills to come my way. We've got this machine that scans the bills and we're supposed to examine the bills ourselves, but I'm too lazy for that. Plus, it's somewhat offensive to the customer. However, I was suspicious of this one guy who pulled out what looked to be a fat roll o' fitty's. I guess I'm afraid to confront someone on it. How embarrassing would that be to be wrong, eh? This is definitely not a case of "better safe than sorry".

I guess I don't really have any interesting stories yet. But I should mention something that I noticed about my store in general. I would describe it as the "Supermarket of the Damned". It seems like everyone who works there is either a young gun who hates the job but needs the money or an older person who missed out on going to school because they have to support a relative. One of my grocery supervisors, Danny, dropped out of school because he had to take care of his mother. My cashier mentor, Clara, didn't even go to school. She's got a mother and a handicapped brother to take care of.

I was hoping to scrape up some dough to buy myself a new pair of shoes.

I'm happy that I've rarely taken for granted how easy my life is. Sure, sometimes one can feel guilty or confused when most of the major necessities in their life are taken care of for them. It's like, "I guess I don't really need to do anything then, do I?" However, I think don't think it's wrong to appreciate what you've got if you are in a situation where someone (say, your parents) are taking care of things for you, so long as you don't rely on it. This shit is flimsy, yo.

That's why when I go to sleep at the end of the day, I'm at least content with how things are going. Yeah, I get depressed a lot and there's always stupid things to complain about, but when I take a step back to look at how things are going, how can I not be satisfied? I'm not going to resent my parents for coddling me (though maybe I should). I mean, that's why I took this job. I want to help them out with taking care of their idiot son. That, and a new pair of shoes.

So to summarize the moral of today's unnecessarily preachy post: Don't try to be something you're not. Just be who you are. That's what's really cool.

What you reckon he's gonna do with the Roadrunner, he ever catches it?
T.C. says he's gonna stick his pecker in it.
Huh?
Says that's what he'd do.

8/09/2004 03:27:00 AM | Comments (0)

Some videos for today.

Crazy ninja cat attack. The screaming at the end is just top notch.

Pimp My Bride, as seen on Jimmy Kimmel. The hilarity level reaches mid-low at best, but I just like that guy's expression at the end.

Bizarre asian music video, with some Momento-style wackiness. I still don't get what happened.

A short film by Kevin Smith for Leno. Aired two years ago, but I've never seen this for some reason - maybe because I don't watch Leno. Featuring everybody's favourite clerks Randal and Dante. And yes, I would do it. I've sold my body out for less - much less.

And check out oldmencrying.com too. Full marks in the "What fuck?" factor

8/07/2004 04:47:00 PM | Comments (0)

Rick James is dead!?!

8/06/2004 04:25:00 PM | Comments (0)

Where No Man Has Gone Before Ooooh...This Is Uncomfortable

(soundtrack)
All Falls Down - Kanye West Pets - Porno For Pyros

I know you've all been eagerly anticipating my adventures in cashiering, so without further ado...oh wait, I've got some more ado.

Man, I've been making a habit of watching Family Feud lately. I might have mentioned this before, but that is the most awkward show on television today. For one thing, it's hosted by the guy who used to play Al on Home Improvement (awkward...). Secondly, Al and the audience are supposed to be supportive of all the answers regardless of how inane they may be (Awkward! More on this later). Lastly, and this I just found out, the family dynamic can be really strange. The other day it was the Magnuson's versus the Hirsch's and the Hirsch family was composed of a mother, her husband, her daughter, her sister, her mother and HER EX-HUSBAND (AWKWARD!!!). You could feel the audience squirming, it was horrible. Bonus Points: He looked like a fat and depressed Cal Ripken.

Al's a good host so he managed to just move right past that incident. When we finally get to the game, one of the categories is "Things We Associate With Leprechauns". Not too hard, right? So the Hirsch family is cruising along with "pot of gold, four leaf clover, the colour green" and things of that nature. When it gets to the ex-husband, he says, "Liquor". Al: "Uh...okay, let's see Leprechaun Liquor!"

BEEEEEEHHHHH!!! <--------- (buzzer sound)

Almost everyone in the audience had to be thinking, "Well, we can see why this marriage ended." Or maybe that was just me.

The idiocy of the Hirsch family continued with the category, "Things You've Been Bit By". The Magnuson family blew it after nailing "mosquito" and then proceeding to try and name about 50 different kinds of bugs. You just knew that the Hirsch family was going to screw the pooch and true to form, the tried to steal the points by answering, "lovebug". Lovebug. Lovebug.

BEEEEEEHHHHH!!!

What's even funnier is that you could hear a smatter of boos in the crowd during most of the Hirsch's responses. I think the producers shorted out the applause sign trying to quell those malcontents. So that's it for the Hirsch's, right? You're forgetting that we're talking about the most awkward show on television here. They won by taking the round where the points were tripled (don't think about it) and earned themselves a shot at the big 20,000 dollar prize. Two more awkward bits here:

Category #1: Name A Game That You Didn't Want Your Parents To Catch You Playing

The sister: "Kissing in the closet." I don't even want to know, even though I already do. This family just ain't right.

Category #2: How Many Times In Your Life Do You Fall in Love?

The ex-husband had to answer this question.

AWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARD

I was praying, PRAYING, that he would say once. That would have been a moment of unequivocal awkwardness, I guarantee you that. Predictably, he said twice. *sigh*

Thankfully, they didn't win the big prize. Un-thankfully, they will be back to defend their title. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling right now.

Holy shit that was a long post about one episode of Family Feud. Listen, I'll get back to you guys on that cashiering thing. Probably sometime this weekend, when my training is done. I mean...wow, didn't realize this was going to happen.

How awkward.

So I looked at this kid from West Texas, feelin' all betrayed 'cause he suddenly realized the land of the free had been fuckin' him in the ass all his life--an' I told myself, "Shit, so that's what it's like to be the white boy." Any nigga you ask can tell you that's how America works.

8/06/2004 04:29:00 AM | Comments (0)

So it's August 5th, 2004 today - exactly two years since the first post on The WAMBAG. I don't want to say it's the second "birthday" of the site, even though I may have done so in the past. Because the site had actually existed for a definite time before that first post - there was at least a solid three days it spent hanging around on the internet alone before I could get Blogger working. But figuratively speaking...it could also have been around for a lot longer. Maybe The WAMBAG is that one thing that's lurked in our evil hearts, in our jaded minds, in our twisted dreams for years and years. Maybe The WAMBAG is a cyberspace manifestation of that thing we call The Vault. Not the thing itself, but a real ambient effect caused by its very existence? Could it be? But all I know at this point is that two years is a long time. Especially when you consider the relative attention span and degree of motivation possessed by the parties involved. I can't say if I'm proud of being a part of a good thing for that long, or if I'm ashamed of society for allowing this to have continued for so long. But regardless...two years is TWO YEARS however you want to cut it.

Which brings me to my next point - one that I've often avoided addressing in the past - "Why?" Why do we do what we do when we what we do hanging out late with no curfew? And here is my own personal answer: there is no answer. I mean sure - boredom, avoiding real work, a place to find an odd link here and there - all contributing factors. I remember Emu once spoke about entertainment, and how we use this site to entertain ourselves and others. Well yes, certainly. But in the end, speaking for myself, there is no ultimate final reason that I keep doing this. Why justify it? I know I can't. So why try and categorize or identity what it is we do here? Because as soon as you try and fit this site into some category, there are accompanying conventions you're obligated to follow - even unconsciously - to maintain that category. And that won't work for us. This site isn't all about Sheep's bizarre links, it's not about Big AL's wacky adventures. It's not about anything, and thus, each new post has no established and designated predecessor to compare against. Each post is its own.

At the same time, just because there's no reason this page is here, it doesn't mean that it's purposeless. It's purpose is nothing, but that's still a purpose...if you follow. I've seen mighty sites fall because they've lost their way, their love for the craft. They become aimless and falter - why bother, when there's no reason to go on?

That is why I wish to bring back our mission statement. The one all the way back from when we first set out, on our glorious and pointless journey. As a special feature for the two year anniversary of the first post, here's a shot of The WAMBAG 1.0, as preserved on my hard drive (until I run out of space for my pornography). I lost the tagboard though, so I had to port the current one in. Anyway, please note the little bit in the middle there...

The WAMBAG
Bewildered? Befuddled? Bored?
Feel just like a fish turned smelt?
Exactly civilian.

OUR MISSION
Nothing.
OUR PURPOSE
Also nothing.
SENSE MADE
None.
TIME PUT INTO THIS
50 seconds. Flat.

WELCOME TO THE INSANITY JOEY.
...okay, so yes - that was pretty damn weird, and I admit I have no idea what the hell I was doing back then. But that little bit - Our Mission: Nothing. Our Purpose: Also nothing. - governs what I do here, and dammit, I live my life by those words! So let us not forget. That mantra, our motto, The WAMBAG way of life.

So a big kudos to my crew - I don't know how we got people to keep coming and how we pass off this crap as "content" - but the scam's working so far. We did good. We DO good. From 2002 (when we had three visitors) all the way to 2004 (where we now have four, maybe five visitors).

So here's to The WAMBAG.

...I'm like...holding up my glass of milk to the computer screen in a toast, in case you can't really see.

8/05/2004 08:32:00 PM | Comments (0)

This is all I got today - American Dad. I'm tired as hell, so there's not much else to say. So...um...have fun!

NINJA EDIT: FUCK! I had this big bit to fill out this post with, but I lost it when I published because my internet crapped out on me. Damn your oily hide, DSL. Rest assured that it was the greatest post mankind has never known. Sadly, I cannot share it with you, but I'll give you a brief point-form outline of how it when. Fill it in with your imagination. Remember...BEST POST EVAR.

- Picked up Office Space. Along with Bad Boys 2, Dirty Work, and Old School, my collection is slowly inching to completion. Soon to follow...Kindergarten Cop, Raul Juila's last performance, Anchorman, and of course Van Hellsing - when it's brilliance eventually fades from public perception and swings its way into the bargain bin. So...next week?

- Minor phone blunder left me unable to weasel out of dinner with two highschool friends - Shing and Steve. But I always liked Shing, so it wasn't that bad. How could I not, with a name like that? Every time I called his name in school, I pretended like I would whip out a sword. "Yo hey SHIIING! what's up man?"

- Too much driving. Aside from passing that chunky fries truck like six times over going back and forth from Ajax, there was also a great deal on Sunday. All the way up to Elgin Mills to pick up SHIIING! and all the way to Midland and Finch for dinner...but somehow I overshot it and ended up at Kingston and Eglinton. I still have no idea what happened.

- Home Alone: Day Four. In just one long weekend, I think I've completely changed my sleep schedule such that I'm technically considered nocturnal. I woke up at like two today. But that solved the issue of breakfast and lunch - I just skipped them. Still no dustpan, kitchen dust pile has started to grow distinguishable facial features. My brother dropped a bowl yesterday and broke it on the floor - it's now armed with ceramic teeth and claws. Help me. Help me please.

8/02/2004 01:04:00 AM | Comments (0)