And Another One

Millbrook - Rufus Wainwright

Another solid outing with Arlene today. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I've acquired yet another platonic female acquaintance. I swear, I'm a magnet for these damn things. Whatever. I was half dead from an all-nighter I had just pulled having to write an essay about Ethan Frome. Really good book, but I'll probably talk about that some other time. Suffice to say, after my first class I immediately stumbled over to Wetmore Hall and collapsed on the nearest couch.

12:00. Ring ring!

No one ever calls me. Except for Max. So, yeah, nobody. Then I remembered that I had messaged Natasha the other night asking her if she wanted to go out to lunch. She didn't reply at the time, so I figured she was getting back at me. I check the cell phone screen. Arlene.

Cool.

So I pick up and after fighting through a garbled reception (my fault, her fault, I'm not sure) I meet up with her and we're off to lunch. I stop off by my cousin's boyfriend's place to drop off a birthday present, which makes me look like a super caring guy even though my mom set up the whole thing. I also convinced her to go to Harvey's, which isn't exactly a girl's favourite place to eat. Luckily, she is extremely lazy and it was nearby so I won.

We talked about things. Sorry, I just realized this is a really boring story. I'm just amazed that Arlene and I have settled into this nice groove. We totally get each other and she thinks I'm hilarious, which is always a plus. I'm glad I decided to start hanging out with her. She's alright.

Tomorrow I'm going to Guelph to hang out with Annia and Shirley for a couple of days. Should be a blast. Hopefully I'll have time to write about it in between essays and tests and job and blah blah blah. Guelph!

Are you experiencing any discomfort?
Just a little burning during urination.
Okay, any other pain?
The haunting memories of lost love. May I? Lights? Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned fo her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.
Gonorrhea?
Gonorrhea!

11/30/2005 11:39:00 PM | Comments (0)

If this has been posted already, I apologize.

Remember that Vin Diesel Fact Generator that was posted on the WAMBAG a while back? Well, here are some equally truthful facts about our friend Chuck Norris.

That being said, always remember that the quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

11/26/2005 02:29:00 AM | Comments (0)

Mulligan

Oh Well - Fiona Apple

I had a great idea the other day. A notion, if you will. It's been well-documented on this site that I had an absolutely awful year last year. Just terrible. I wish it had never happened.

Well...what if it didn't?

What if I could just wake up in the morning and say that that horrible...thing...never happened? Not just one incident or one mishap, but an entire year. Reset. All those classes I slept through? Gone. All the assignments I flubbed. Erased. All those awkward conversations? Silenced. The possibilities are endless. Vince Carter getting sent to New Jersey for Eric Williams, Alonzo Mourning and a sack of used condoms? Never happened. The "Philly Trip"? Never happened. I don't even know what that is. Max getting anally raped by a wild boar? Funny, yes. But never happened.

I know, I KNOW I'm not the only one with regrets and loss. So what if we all helped each other out by allowing each other to take one year off the record. I choose the 2004-2005 campaign. Admittedly, this stretches a bit into both 2004 and 2005, but you get the idea. It shouldn't be a hard and fast rule. What does this mean exactly? Well, it means that you and I and the rest of us will do our best to not mention or acknowledge any of the events of that year. How does that sound? Hell, I'm not even 21 anymore. Knock one year off of that.

I've never heard of these Arcade Fire guys, are they good? I heard their CD came out last year. I apparently own it. I'm going to listen to it for the first time. Could be good.

Also, any failed romantic pursuits I had last year? Never happened. I don't even remember liking girls until recently.

As you can see, my thoughts on the whole subject are garbled, non-sensical...insane you might say. It's a work in progress. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all get a little down this time of year. People like us, who think about things too much. Who feel things too hard. So maybe just to lighten the usual angst, we should get this new thing going.

If you had bad times recently, I'm not asking you to move on from them. I'm telling you to convince yourself that there was never anything to move on from in the first place.

Have a safe winter everyone.

Don't you love me?
It has been ten thousand years, Nada...yes. I still love you. But I have not yet forgiven you.

11/23/2005 10:14:00 PM | Comments (0)

Schtuff

Perfect Situation - Weezer

Here's a site where you can download the new Weezer video for those of you who are too busy to search for it or rip it off somewhere else. Click on the kitty. Credit to our favourite sexual deviant Max Wong for the link.

Much like the video version of Keep Fishin', there are a few subtle differences:

1) The intro is shortened.
2) The "whoa-oooohs" are a little different. I like the change.
3) They now say "Perfect Situation" a couple of times during the end of the song.

If I missed anything, let me know.

The Raptors game on Sunday was the sheeeee-it! They finally won! It was probably the loudest I'd ever heard the Air Canada Centre. We were just so desperate for a win. It was a perfect game because I got to see a great Dwyane Wade performance (33 points, 8 rebounds and 9 assists) and the Raptors still won! The only thing that would have made it better is if I got to see Shaq play, but what are you going to do? By the way, Chris Bosh is officially a 20 and 10 man, so let us all celebrate by voting him into the 2006 NBA All-Star Game!

The only downside to the whole thing was that I seriously messed up my voice. I was already sick going into the game and yet, I couldn't help yelling out my usual assortment of trash talk and racial slurs during the game. I also said the F word about every six seconds. I couldn't even talk on Monday, it was horrible. I'm a bit better now, but still I am currently deprived of listening to my own, beautiful voice.

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

11/22/2005 06:57:00 PM | Comments (0)

Some quick links to keep this site alive for yet another day.

- Generic Japanese cross-dressing music super happy fun.

- Christmas House. This link has been making the rounds, so let me know if it breaks.

- Marvin Spectrum, a new Hatch-like Flash game. So far I have 149/155 and 58 in the high score mode. What homework?

- Michael Jackson in Famicon World PART 2. I can't even describe to you how fucking awesome this is. I can't stop laughing at how Kirby fucks up the kick at the end because he doesn't charge down for the full two seconds. If you're a dickless piece of trash and didn't save the first Michael Jackson in Famicon World directly to your hard drive after viewing it for the first time, here is the link. ...I think. I just copied the one from my original post four months ago - it could be broken.

You the man!
No, I'm the SNOWman!

11/22/2005 04:20:00 PM | Comments (0)

Pictures from the Kanye concert, posted just for the sake of posting. Please don't expect anything entertaining this time. You will be let down. Like you always are with this site. Also, the pictures are ass. Not of ass.
EDIT: No wait, I lied.

I haven't figured out how to work picture captions into the Gallerizer yet, so I'll just quickly do it manually here.

1) Keyshia Cole - I had to look her name up because I completely forgot about her. I'm sorry.

2) Max and I had flash backs of the Masquerade while sitting through Fantasia Barrino. The best part was the random jolt of the "THIS MA SHIT!!!" shout. I would equate that to this. Completely unexpected.

And yes, this was just another excuse to link to the CNAnime article again.

3) 1 + 2 = 3. Interesting parallel to this picture.

4) Check out our awesome seats, with a fantastic view of the two left speakers.

5) The whitest concert audience ever. That's not even light from the stage - that's just static from the ambient White Power Field the camera's picking up due to the pure concentration of white people up near the front rows.

6) ...I forget which random posse member showed up. Common? Cam'ron? One of the Drive Slow Homey guys? Goddamn, these pictures suck.

7-9) See that big fat guy in white in the front row and those green little stands? Kanye skipped the last one because he didn't want to touch that guy's hand. AWESOME.

10) I don't remember what song this was for. He's in white...so...Jesus Walks? Or was it Crack Music where he was essentially telling the 99.7% white crowd that he hates them while they sang along perfectly?

11) Cam'ron? Common? Goddamn, these pictures suck.

12) Kanye sprays golden anthrax onto the crowd. Again, AWESOME.

13) That flash of white behind that giant speaker is Kanye's ass. I think.

14) I don't know why I thought the camera could have captured the crazy disco ball effect, and why I tried so many times. I have like thirty thousand pictures of nothing.

A shame I didn't have as nice of a camera as the one from the Jays Game. Then I could have taken much nicer pictures of those two giant speakers.

I'm thinking of throwing up an additional Pictures or Gallerized section, maybe when we have some more crappy pictures to put up.

Also...this is what Brothers On A Hotel Bed is about...

"Plans concludes with "Brothers On A Hotel Bed," which finds Gibbard transforming Walla's warm and wistful melody into another reflection on age and aging..."

Looking at the lyrics...it's really not a huge stretch of the imagination, but whatever - I found it!

Dry land is NOT a myth! I have seen it!

...you know, now that I think about it, I don't even think that's a quote.

+1 To All Skill Levels
Increase Maximum Mana 25%
Adds 1-12 Lightning Damage
+20 To Mana

11/20/2005 01:24:00 AM | Comments (0)

Please join me for another installment of Choking Yak's Provoking Facts.

- Sometimes I'm writing, and I'll write an awesome looking not-cursive-but-cursive-looking-style 'g' and I'll have to stop, sit back, admire it, and think to myself What an awesome looking 'g' that is. It almost looks like a grown-up wrote it. Sometimes you just gotta sit back and be proud of yourself, you know?

- Guero by Beck is good stuff. Maybe I should actually purchase an album at some point in my life.

- Nah.

- Something I've always wanted to do was to be able to go down stairs two steps at a time. I mean, I can go up stairs like two or three steps at a time...why can't I go down faster than one step at a time? A lot of times on the commute, I see guys racing down the stairs to catch a train, while I'm left eating their dust because my rate of descent is limited by one stair per step. The thing is...I have a horrible fear of trying to go down more steps than I can handle, losing my footing, tripping over, and eating concrete stairs.

So I'd always plan to practice going down multiple stairs at a time at home first, where I would perfect the move for later use. 'cept once I got home, I would always forget about it. And there's not a real large demand for multiple-stair-rate-descent in my house, where I'm never really in any hurry to get from point A to point B. Also, since there's 14 stairs and I can just jump down from a height of four or five, that only makes like it ten actual stairs I need to walk down. And the difference between ten steps or five is minimal. So I continue to forget. And then when I see someone fly down at the subway, I kick myself for forgetting.

I don't think it's all that hard. Just as long as I get over that initial irrational fear of going faster than one stair per step, and get a good rhythm established for the elongated strides, it should be relatively easy.

- Went to Hamilton over the weekend to visit my brother. An hour into the drive back, there was a stretch on the 401, with not a lot of traffic around, street lights extending for miles and miles...and In the Waiting Line was playing on the stereo...man...that will mess with you head so bad. Thank God we didn't have play the whole Garden State soundtrack on The Philly Trip.

- Thank God there is no such thing as "The Philly Trip" and that we have never been to Philadelphia at any point in time for any reason.

11/15/2005 10:20:00 PM | Comments (0)

I'm Gonna Be Sick

Sundown - Elwood

I woke up today and my brother told me that Eddie Guerrero is dead. For those of you don't know, he's a professional wrestler. I'm a huge wrestling fan. I have been since I was a kid. I'm not going to go into a big schpiel about why I like it, as this is neither the time nor the place. All I have to say is that a celebrity death hasn't affected me like this since Chris Farley. Yep, that bad. Guerrero was only 38 years old. He was still in his prime. A year ago, he was the World Heavyweight Champion. Now he's dead. I'm kind of depressed right now.

I finally got the watch a Raptors game today. They lost in overtime 126-121. A real heartbreaker. It took up three hours of my life too.

As we speak, the New York Giants are in the middle of screwing the pooch against the Minnesota Vikings. I've got money riding on this game. In about one minute I'll have officially lost $100 dollars this weekend.

But hey, at least I've still got this six page film theory paper to write.

Bad day.

Christ, I feel like I've opened Pandora's Box and all the horrors of the world just flew out in my face. There must be some hope. Just some.

11/13/2005 04:20:00 PM | Comments (0)

FUCK!!!

For Prison Break reruns? RERUNS!?! Fuck you, Fox. Fuck you right up the anal cavity.

Kitchen Confidental too. Though in hindsight, it wasn't really that good, especially compared to Arrested Development.

I hate all you Everybody Loves Raymond watching fuckers, who kept a show like Friends alive for so many years, a move that caused the decomposition of society's collective brain to the point where people couldn't function without a canned laughter track to tell them when a joke was being told and what was funny. Meanwhile I see that shit like The Simple Life and Stacked are still around, which really does wonders for my faith in humankind.

I'm so mad I'm not even bolding these titles.

I wish a giant meteorite would just crash down and kill us all. Because I do not want to live in a world where things like Trading Spouses or Simple Plan are not only known but actually enjoyed by more people than things like Arrested Development is.

Well, I would actually like for that meterorite to crash down and kill all of YOU, but I realize that I'm already asking a lot for a mass meteorite-based homicide. And to ask for a meteorite-based genoicide might be rude to the meteorite-granting-parties involved in said transaction. And I'm nothing if not considerate.

In other news, I recently bought another bag of Oreos and I'm enjoying them very much right now. These are delicious, especially with milk dunk assist.

11/12/2005 03:05:00 PM | Comments (0)

Can Anything In My Life Go Right?!?

Change (In The House Of Flies) - Deftones

There was this new girl working at the Second Cup in the Sidney Smith lounge today. I asked her for a cheese croissant, which I always, always eat after class. She gave me a cheese muffin.

...

FUCK!!!

One day I'm going to drop a bomb on this city. A contraceptive bomb.

11/11/2005 02:50:00 PM | Comments (0)

Office Affairs

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

(I'm going to hell for using this song.)

It was a good day at work today, for sure. I was feeling paranoid because my boss has told me that money has been missing for the last few weeks. My managers also seem to be cracking down on me. I got in trouble for excessive chatting yesterday. I never get in trouble for that anymore. The store is going downhill fast and sadly, those of us who haven't jumped ship yet are the ones who have to deal with it. After almost two years, they still don't trust me a lick. That ain't right.

My service guy for the day (that is, the guy who pushes around shopping carts and does other odd jobs) was being a total prick. He thinks because we're friends...excuse me, let me rephrase that. He thinks that we're friends and because of that he slacks off more than usual. First of all, I'm in the office and that means I have to take responsibility for his actions, or lack thereof. Secondly, since I also have to do service shifts it is an insult to me that he does it so poorly. Honestly, if he acts like this one more time it's going to be on. So on.

Oh, and the office balance was short $17.40. That's not going to look good.

As usual, she made it better. She is the lone beacon of hope at work. She comes in today and she's like, "Can I ask you something about last Friday?"

I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Was it your birthday?"

I immediately go into denial. I don't like to make a big deal about my birthday. It's like, "Oh yay, I survived another year! Hooray for me!" And of all birthdays, why celebrate mine? As if my existence is actually a positive thing. It's like celebrating the discovery of a disease.

It was tough deflecting all her queries, since she asked me about eight thousand times, but I tried to keep it creative. My best bit was this one:

Me: Hey, you know whose birthday it was last Friday?
Her: Yours?
Me: P. Diddy's.

That never gets old. After some P. Diddy humour (isn't that the best kind?), I followed up with this:

Me: Ha ha, okay. Seriously, you know who else celebrated their birthday last Friday?
Her: You?
Me: Matthew McConaughey.
Her: Ooh, I just saw a movie with him!
Me: Which one?
Her: Amistad.
Me: Good movie.

And so on and so forth. You get the idea. Eventually I ask her why she wants to know. She says that recalled me saying that my birthday was November 4th and that she wanted to call me but she wasn't sure. Let's think about this. She remembered my birthday, which is impressive since it's not something I mention often. She was going to call me. That means a lot to me. It's always weird when you care about someone a lot and you think they don't care about you at all, but it turns out that they care for you at least a little. Whoa, I think that was an Avril lyric right there. Sorry about that.

At the end of the night, I let her hang out with me in the office. I'll tell you right now, if they have security cameras watching me in there I am going to be in deep shit. My manager for the night was checking in on us and she had to pretend that she was using the phone to call her dad. I don't know how long we can keep up this charade.

I like her so much it is killing me.

What do you want to be when you grow up, son?
Nothing.

11/11/2005 12:20:00 AM | Comments (0)

It vanished as soon as it hit the ground, and by the afternoon it had turned into pathetic spits of weakassed rain...

...but this seems appropriate once again.

11/10/2005 09:22:00 PM | Comments (0)

This post is both sports related and insane. So continue at your own risk.

I think I've already mentioned at least once my dream for the Raptors to have an entire line-up of Mr. Williams(es?) on the floor at once. Didn't really come true since we cut Corey Williams and there's no other realistic way to get another Williams for the PF spot, but a dream is a dream. Charles Xavier never gave up on his dream for humankind and mutantkind to live together in peace and harmony, right? (...okay, well he did, numerous times over the years, but that's not the point.)

However at the same time, it's not like that was his only dream. I'm sure he also had dreams of getting his hair back, or maybe being able to walk again (which actually happened once or twice, immediately proceeding the loss of his legs quickly after).

So here's another dream I'm working on. Stick with me on this one. It's for the Blue Jays, or as the younger kids call them these days - "The Jays".

Last Wednesday, I saw Roy Halladay, Brad Arnsberg (Jays pitching coach), and AJ Burnett (potential Jays free agent signing) sitting in the second row of the Raptors season opener. There was also a clip of AJ pitching a big foam ball to the Raptors mascot, which he proceeded to hit into the stands...which I thought was an odd thing to do, since we would be signing AJ based on his ability to not throw pitches that batters knock into the stands. But whatever. So AJ's in town, we'll probably sign him, which is good, and we'll probably overpay for him with like a four year $12 million per year deal, which is bad. Regardless, let's assume we sign him and AJ Burnett is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season.

Yesterday, The Globe and Mail reported that BJ Ryan will visit Toronto next week. The best and youngest closer available in free agency this year, probably the best young closer in the league overall, and someone I would kill to have in Toronto even if we have to pay him $8-9 million a year. Though I wouldn't mind Ugueth Urbina (who was arrested today for attacking some Venezuelans with machetes and setting them on fire) or Kyle Farnsworth (only so that the Jays would be featured in more comics for The Dugout). But signing BJ Ryan would be awesome, and that's not even considering all the possibilities of having someone named "BJ" on your baseball team, which oddly enough is called the Blue Jays. Let's assume we sign him (which is a somewhat unlikely event, though it would be very likeable) and BJ Ryan is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season.

You've probably figured it out by now, but here are the next steps necessary to make my new dream come true.

1) Sign CJ Nitkowski, another free agent, who had an 8.10 ERA for the Washington Nationals last year, and by all accounts, sucks. But he's left-handed and apparent has a 94 MPH fastball, so this signing could still somewhat make sense, if we're trying to add some left-handed depth to the bullpen, which we actually need. Let's assume we sign him too - not probable at all, but certainly possible - and CJ Nitkowski is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season. If only for a game or two before he gets sent to AAA.

2) Two ideas here. First, we could sign free agent second baseman D'Angelo Jimenez and just nickname him "DJ", which is kind of cheating. Also, that doesn't make too much sense considering we already only have two starting spots for Aaron Hill, Russ Adams, and Orlando Hudson - all of which are better than him. So the second idea is based on the idea that it's much easier to CREATE a "DJ" than to sign one. So let's train Orlando Hudson to be a disc jockey so that his new nickname can be "DJ O-Dog". Hell, he might already be a DJ. Let's assume we won't trade our new Gold Glover this off-season and that DJ O-Dog is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season. We're starting to leave the realm of possibility here, but let's soldier on regardless.

3) The Los Angeles Dodgers have this pitching prospect Edwin Jackson and they need a first baseman. Trade them Eric Hinske and another pitching prospect like Shaun Marcum (that might be too much actually...maybe WAMBAG-disapproved pitcher Chad Gaudin...?) for EJ plus filler. That's not actually his nickname...yet, but you get the idea. But again, it's kind of cheating. It's out of nowhere and I can't see how the Dodgers would do it, but it wouldn't be a bad move, and we dump Hinske's contract so we can sign AJ and BJ. Let's embrace fully embrace this descent into madness and assume Edwin "EJ" Jackson is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season. Still possible!

At this point I'm starting to run out of ideas, but here are a couple of remaining possibilities.

- JC Romero doesn't really fit, but I'd like to see this happen anyway. He could be our closer or at least our top lefty, and there were a lot of trade rumours about him last year. I'll take JC Romero over CJ Nitkowski any day. Like today!

- The next big Japanese player is going to be Kenji Jojima, and while JP Ricciardi (our GM - look at that name, it's coming together!) is happy with the Z-Man, and Kenji's probably going to end up with the Mets or Padres, it's still not impossible! And maybe his nickname of KJ would develop naturally over here. Who knows?

- Jacque Jones is a free agent this year. He hit 23 homers and had a .852 OPS...four...years ago. JJ could be on JP's list this year, if we can't get anyone else. Maybe not his Plan A or Plan B or even Plan H or Plan I...but at least his Plan K. Or maybe even a bit higher...?

- Geoff Jenkins is another guy we could realistically go for. It's cheating again, since nobody other than me is going to call him "GJ" but he had an .888 OPS last year! Brewers need starting pitching...maybe Ted Lilly or David Bush + prospects for GJ? I wouldn't be surprised if we actually got this guy, unlike every other player I've listed.

- WAMBAG-approved mad dictator Raul Julia's initials are RJ. Can we get him in here somewhere? He's dead, but I don't really see that as a huge problem. Plus he's Puerto Rican which would be like signing an Irishman for a baby making team or a Chinaman for a being-really-cheap-and-having-squinty-eyes team. And is it any coincidence that Dee Jay was his right hand man?

Anyway, I think you can get a sense of what my new dream entails. It's a long shot, but it's still all technically possible. ...'cept for the last one maybe, where we would need to animate dead M. Bison to play professional baseball.

A man can dream, can't he?

11/08/2005 06:41:00 PM | Comments (0)

Here's another obligatory post to keep the site alive.

Picture of a topless woman.

Hahaha LOLLERSKATES!

Now go away.

11/07/2005 11:51:00 PM | Comments (0)

The Boyfriend Bomb OR The Monkey Watches

Pitseleh - Elliott Smith

We've all been there before. You're hanging out with a beautiful baby and everything's going smoothly. You're hitting all your spots, you're making all the right moves. She lets you pay for lunch. You can't help but consider the possibilities. Is this a date? If not, could it lead to one? Maybe I should...

Then she mentions her boyfriend.

I was having lunch with my friend Arlene on Wednesday, an encounter that I have to admit, I had not been looking forward to. After my failed attempts to make a love connection at her birthday party, I had decided not to pursue it. However, since I'm as desperate as ever and she happened to pop up on my msn list one day, I proposed a meeting. It seemed like the right thing to do since I'd been avoiding my English Major friends for the most part. So I thought, "Hey, I'll get this meeting out of the way and I'll never have to see her again."

There was some confusion as to whether we were meeting Tuesday or Wednesday and then whether we were meeting at all, but a couple of cell phone calls fixed everything up. We wandered around for a while as we searched for a Chinese restaurant that she liked. I wasn't even sure it existed. We hit it off right away. It helps that I think she'd just done about three lines of cocaine. She was so hyper! I was unprepared, as I was planning to play the distant, straight-laced, nice guy. However, as I grew more familiar with the territory, I gradually drifted into my more comfortable depressed, bitter, cynical, borderline psychotic form.

We talked and talked and talked. There was nary a rift in the conversation. My humour gauge was spot on, which I've been having difficulty with lately. Yesterday, I knew just when to ramp it up and when to rein myself in. I don't even think I had to break out too much of my old material. It was awesome. Maybe we could...

Then she mentions her boyfriend.

To my credit, I didn't even flinch. I'm a master at not reacting when a girl drops the "Boyfriend Bomb". I remember when I first met Michelle and she did it. I don't even remember how she brought it up, but it rolled right off my skin. The key is not to have any assumptions. Or hope, in my case. It also helps if the girl knows how to aim it properly. In yesterday's case, she brought it up during our criticism of Asian-philes and mentioned that her boyfriend was a South American guy and people thought that he was one of them. See, that's a perfect segue. 1) I think she realized how well we were getting along and she had to drop it in eventually before things got out of hand. 2) We're talking about couples, so obviously she should mention if she's in one. Especially since it was relatively new information (they'd only been dating for a month). 3) She brought it up casually, which is always the best way. If she had emphasized it, it would be like her fighting me off with a large stick. Or a bat with nail in it.

After that, things continued to roll. It's not like I wasn't disappointed as I think she's a great girl and the meeting had rekindled my interest. However, I suppose I should be happy to be happy for her. At least I have a new lunch buddy now. Ugh, "buddy". It's funny, the last time I saw her and she was single, there was zero chemistry between us. Suddenly, we were like old friends. I've always believed that a girl is more open and willing to talk to other guys when she's got the cover of being in a relationship. Like, she can flirt all she wants because she (and the poor sap she's charming) know that it's all in good fun. Nobody gets hurt. At least that's how I look at it. It's a lot better for me when I know that the reason I have no chance with a girl is because she has a boyfriend as opposed to her just hating my fucking guts. I'm such a girlfriend sometimes. I guess it's because I'm so non-threatening. And because I have a vagina.

Later that day I went to Queen's Park to chill out and listen to music. Everything I listen to is sobering. I sat down in the bench and off in the distance were a couple frolicking in the fall leaves. I observed. There was this large tree in the way and the two figures kept darting in and out of sight. In and out of each other's arms. It looked like two people rehearsing for a play and maybe it was. I enjoyed it regardless. I hate when couples feel the need to do extravagant things to keep their relationship entertaining. Here were two people who, if anyone asks them how they spent their afternoon, will say that they hung out in the park and hugged and kissed and made merry. I watched them for an hour.

Do you miss the old days?
Hmmm?
You know. Like when I said that before, about pulling over, it was because I was thinking about back then. All that highway we covered taking hot cars into Vegas or Phoenix or San Atone...I used to look at you under those great blue Texas skies, or the stars in Monument Valley, and I used to think--"He's mine." Today was a little bit like that.

11/03/2005 01:24:00 PM | Comments (0)

Probably should have watched the end of that Raptors game before posting that.

Here's another link!

The Adventures of Dr. McNinja

It's good stuff. Now it's off to sleep for me!

11/03/2005 05:13:00 AM | Comments (0)

I want a Jose Calderon jersey now. Or a Joey Graham one. Or a J'onn J'onzz/Mad Villan/Charlie Villanueva jersey. I like 'em all. I've only seen them for one half of a real NBA game, but I love them already.

Just a quick link this time. Never scare a black man.

Hahaha, that's awesome.

Ulp, back to work!

11/02/2005 08:35:00 PM | Comments (0)

Bits And Bites

I'll Believe In Anything - Wolf Parade

Just some random stuff:

So...Sulu's gay (nice picture here by the way). I can't say that I'm that surprised. Anyone who saw that old episode where he got infected with the Psi 2000 virus could probably tell. In the episode, there's this virus that makes everyone on the ship start acting crazy. Sulu runs around shirtless and tries to stab people with a sword. It's pretty gay.

I was walking on the street Monday and I saw this dead squirrel. It looked like something out of a taxidermy shop. I'm not gonna lie. I wanted to pick it up and throw it at someone.

I saw something earlier that day that rattled me. I'm not sure anything quite captures that sensation of emerging from the subway station onto the oppressive downtown Toronto streets. It's absolutely petrifying. It's like Ed O'Neill in the Wayne's World movies says: If you look closely, you can actually see people's souls leaving their bodies. Anyway, I'm walking down St. George street and suddenly I see three Tetris pieces walk by. A long one, a "z" and a "t" in case you're curious. Being Tetris pieces they were painted in bright primary colours. At first I was thinking, "I'm on mushrooms...I'm on bad mushrooms!" Then I remembered it was Halloween. Crap, did Will just write almost the exact same thing? I'm on mushrooms...I'm on bad mushrooms! But yeah, it was cool. I'm sure it's been done before, but on a cold morning, it was a funny sight.

So this other girl at work, Ashley. Man, she's hot. But that's all I'm gonna say. She's like 15 years old, so I shouldn't even be writing this but she's so hot. And she loves me to death apparently. But she's only, like, 15 and she's got a boyfriend who seems like a good kid so that's all I'm gonna say about that, for real. And yeah, the other day we were getting along so well. She was freaked out because she got in big trouble for the first time, so I had to talk her down from it. I know what that's about, I was getting in shit all the time when I started. So we walked around the store doing returns and I would tell her jokes and she felt better. She made me feel important at work again. That's all I'm gonna say about that, though. It's just that I feel so old and unappreciated there, then this new employee comes along and she's acting like I'm smart and useful. I need that in my life, seriously. And damn it, she is hot! Were I a younger man, I tell you...I tell you...that's all I'm gonna say about that.

I called Adriana on Friday night, but she wasn't home. Then she called me back on Saturday, but I didn't have my cell phone on me. I called her back Saturday night and I got her mom, who I WORK WITH. She was like, "Is this Alex?" I was just like, "Oh man, what does this look like?" I managed to come up with some quick story about how I was just calling back because I thought maybe she wanted to switch hours or something. It was a convenient half-truth. However, her mom almost certainly has me figured out. This could be bad.

I had to watch Metropolis in Film Theory class on Monday. It's this 1920s vision of the future. You've probably heard of it. It was fucking awesome. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

I've already put in my pre-order for the X-Box 360. I own you all now.

Couldn't someone have invited me to one fucking Halloween party? Bastards, all of them.

How about you? I see the world didn't end yesterday.
Are you sure?

11/02/2005 12:18:00 AM | Comments (0)

Just two quick links and a quick quip.

11/01/2005 09:59:00 PM | Comments (0)