Here are some links. ...there aren't actually any links in the last one though, it's just what I believed to be an amusing story. I apologize.

- Some random stranger has proclaimed on his blog that Showtime has picked up Arrested Development for 12 episodes. ...do I have Showtime? Is that the one on channel 29? Or is that Showcase? ...is there a difference? And wouldn't it officially need to get cancelled first before it gets picked up by another network? Oh, the Internet. Always so tricky.

- Speaking of the Internet...where else could we go to get ridiculously high resolution, 1850 pixel by 2100 pixel pictures of Jessica Alba taking a parking ticket off her car? I for one, am thankful.

- This is the last thing I need this week.

- Here are two recent news stories that will be made into FOX or Disney movies within the next two years. They are...Black and white twins and Autistic Teen's Hoop Dreams Come True. The second one could probably get an Oscar nod or two as well. Book it.

- I caught a 30 second television trailer for Aquamarine, completely convinced that it was for Lady In The Water until they announced the name of the movie at the end. That was a weird 25 seconds. I had started to think "Hurm...I guess it could work..." until the standard bubbly pop song started to kick in. At which point I started to think "M. Night Shyamalan is a frickin' genius - this movie is gonna ROCK!!!"

"Didn't you play the retarded quarterback?"
"Yeah."
"Are you really retarded?"
"...no."

2/27/2006 07:32:00 PM | Comments (0)

For years we have toiled in lives of temporary pleasures and happiness, ultimately unfulfilling moments, memories that slowly fade until we revisit them again.

Well, my brothers...no more.

For weeks now I have been hearing the rumours. That dry land does exist, and not only that - but that some drifters had already begun to settle and cultivate lasting, permanent settlements. I didn't believe these rumours at first...but today, I proved myself a fool for my lack of faith.

Today, I have found dry land. Today...I am a God.

When fire was first discovered by the first caveman and shared with those in the first cave, some went out to share the secret with other caves, other cavemen, so that they may have the gift of fire as well. That is my role today - not as the man who discovered fire - but a firebringer, one of the first public servants.

Yes, my fellow cavemen - I have discovered how to download YouTube videos.

STEP ONE!!!

Go to this page to download YouTube videos directly as .php files. Apparently you can also download Google Video and iFilm ones, but goddammit woman, ONE BABY STEP AT A TIME FOR NOW.

You can also do this manually by going into your temporary internet folder and finding the get_video.php files that YouTube leaves behind, like how your refrigerator gremlin leaves behind a slight hint of wintergreen oil (C₈H₈O₃) everytime he runs in to turn the light on or off.

STEP TWO!!!

Change the extension to .flv. If you have VLC player, skip to STEP FOUR!!!

STEP THREE, WHICH IS OPTIONAL!!!

If you want to use other media players, download something like CinemaForge to encode your .flv files into other formats - .avi, .wmv, .mpeg - whatever you desire. Just follow your heart.

The thing is though, just keeping them in original .flv format is fine if you have VLC, and any converting you do will only add to the file size.

But if you don't like keeping them as .flv files then I'd suggest encoding to .avi or .wmv format instead of .mpeg, because the latter produces really big files.

STEP FOUR!!!

Watch your newly downloaded YouTube video on your media player of choice! Hurray!

STEP FIVE!!!

Only here for appearance's sake, since as a Chinaman, it would only be inviting disaster if I ended with four steps. As Sheep once found out long ago when this site was all about investigative reporting.

To celebrate, here are some random YouTube videos for you to watch.

(And now...also to download if you were so inclined.)

Yoyo man! - Instead of that wacky pose at the end, he should have pretended to fail to throw the yo-yo away, because it yo-yo'ed back to him. And then he should have looked at the camera and do a really exaggerated shrug.

Aladdin and the cave of cheeseburgers - This is actually a site with a bunch of YouTubes. It's completely and utterly retarded. Just the way I like it.

Jack Bauer at home with his cats - This is even more retarded. But I can't stop laughing. I don't actually think there's any 24 relation here - I just thought that'd how it'd be like if Jack Bauer had cats...and he used his considerable yelling powers for evil and abuse. No 24 spoilers here. Also, I have a suspicion that this video is like All-Your-Base-old, but if I haven't seen it then it's new to me!

2006 NBA All-Star Game Introductions - If you haven't seen this already, then I don't really think there's a reason to see it for the first time.

The Barry Gibb Talk Show II - Did you know there was a second one? I didn't. No need to download this one though - here's a direct link of the .wmv file. And here's the first one, in case you missed it.

Arnold the Bear Wrestler - Prior to finding out that this is probably from Hercules in New York (1970), I could have sworn that it was actually a strange erotic dream of mine.

And of course, CRY FOR THE MOON, the first one I downloaded.

Have fun.

2/26/2006 05:57:00 PM | Comments (0)

Old News: I am a sociopath.

Prove that you are too with this simple test you can administer in your own home!

While attending her mother's funeral, a woman meets a stranger whom she has never seen before. She is intensely attracted to him. It is love at first sight, and she decides this is the man of her dreams. But the funeral ends and he leaves before she can find out his name or who he is. No one seems to know. Two weeks later, the woman murders her father.

WHY did she murder her father? You have all the information you need to answer the question.

If you get the right answer quickly, it's because you're CRAZY!

And not crazy delicious. Just the regular crazy.








Oh right, the answer is....
(Because she thinks the dude will come to her dad's funeral too)

(I don't know how to do those fancy hiding text clicky things)

2/24/2006 07:28:00 PM | Comments (0)

Profound, unflinching, uncompromising, devastating.

Garfield, you are thus.

2/22/2006 10:26:00 PM | Comments (0)

A crazy MS Paint picture.

Crazy delicious, that is.

2/21/2006 02:35:00 PM | Comments (0)

For the first time in over eight months - another "Article!"

I present to you a Sheep & Yak production (with name assist from Big AL) - Valentine's "Gay" 2006. If you can still see the previous eight posts, then there is absolutely no reason to click that link.

And now to ensure this post isn't completely without purpose, here is (yet another) YouTube production - Interpretation of a Fallout Boy Song.

The luleelurah is straight up fucking murdering me.

2/19/2006 03:31:00 AM | Comments (0)

I apologize - the start-up time for my anti-air assist is ridiculously slow.

First one's for you, Jess.





It's Februrary 16th, but I don't even care.

It's odd that for all the safeguards I put in place when we set up The WAMBAG to prevent the GQ from dropping too low...I never thought to make safeguards in case the GQ got too high.

2/16/2006 03:01:00 AM | Comments (0)

And one more for the road...



Last one, I swear.

2/15/2006 04:05:00 PM | Comments (0)

More Like Valentine's "Gay"! (Har Har Har)

Smile - Weezer

Parry!

Sorry for the interruption gentlemen, but I hadn't realized that the GQ situation had become so serious. So, this afternoon, I broke open the emergency glass case in my room that contains a condom and two tickets that can be redeemed at any time for a screening of...Brokeback Mountain! Yeeeah, boy!

I was supposed to meet up with Annia today, who is currently back in Toronto and for one reason or another, we didn't make plans until today. I thought I was just going to meet up with her for a minute and then I'd go home and study/sleep/whatever. When she told me that she didn't have any prior obligations, I asked if she wanted to have dinner. "Let's go see a movie," she said, excitedly. When I asked her which one, she almost immediately said Brokeback Mountain. Right now? "Yeah." Like, today? "Yeah." Like today right now today? "Yeah!" Because I'd heard so many good things about the film AND because I'm an aspiring film student AND because there's a better than 75% chance I was going to see some dude's wang, I eventually agreed to go see the movie.

It was good, too. I don't remember Will's review, but I'm pretty sure I agree with whatever it is he said. The gay sex scene in the film isn't that bad, especially if you've already seen the rape scene in Pulp Fiction or any episode of Oz. Or if you've been at Max Wong's house for more than three minutes. I think for most people it's the honesty of the relationship between the two leads that freaks people out.

To go further, I'll say that somehow Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger somehow come out as more manly after this film. They play their roles so well and so, er, straight, that the overall effect of the movie is nothing less than devestating. It clocks in around two hours and the movie spans over twenty years in the characters lives, but it goes by in about a minute. Just a gorgeous, well constructed film. I recommend it to anyone...under the strict condition that it is seen with at least one female, natch. Other than that, enjoy!

And if you didn't already know, there's a sweet Anne Hathaway tittie shot smack dab in the middle of the film that'll straighten you right up. I didn't think much of her before this film, but her acting was great and her breasts were equally great. I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. She has an absolutely breathtaking rack. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it. She ain't goin' back to the Princess Diaries after this, no siree.

Apparently I was doing Annia a favour by watching it with her since she had wanted to see it for a while, but come on, we all know that she was the one helping me out. I'd never tried spending Valentine's Day with a girl before. Hurm. What a novel concept.

Hell, I'm a black mutant. In this country, that's like being black with a little black added.

2/15/2006 04:18:00 AM | Comments (0)

I could be resting up for a midterm right now. It's not even the 14th anymore. It makes no sense.



I'm holding down punch and kick to tag you back in, Yak.

2/15/2006 03:47:00 AM | Comments (0)

Four hit aerial raaaaaaave!





Now quickly, back to studying for midterms!

2/15/2006 02:04:00 AM | Comments (0)

A direct line from my heart to you:





Well, that's an automatic +10 GQ.

Addendum: A movie!

2/14/2006 04:27:00 PM | Comments (0)

With You, I Never Have A Chance

Stand By Me - Oasis

Over the last couple of weeks, one small incident has ballooned into this enormous and ridiculous...thing. In dealing with it, I've experienced anger, complacence, confusion, disappointment, anxiety, disgust, desperation, frustration, resignation, vindication, regret, relief and finally, bliss.

And all because a friend didn't meet me for lunch.

That's oversimplifiying it, and the fact is that I wasn't even that mad at Michelle for missing lunch and not calling me that day. It happens, especially with her. What set me off was that before Thursday night, she hadn't called me. I addressed this in my last post and I'd only become crazier about it since then. Articulation did not help things. Here's few highlights from the last week and a bit.

* On Monday, after class, from 9:00 to about 9:30 at night, I just walked around campus listening to Plans and thinking about it. I was just...taking my bar of misery soap and running it over my body and getting a nice misery lather going. It was awful. As awful as that metaphor. I was thinking of how down I was and the people I could count on to be there for me these situations and I was like, Is Michelle still one of those people? Was she ever?

* Tuesday night, I needed help. Serious help. My apologies now to Shirley and Tanya. It must have been about two in the morning when I messaged Shirley. Her status read "Busy" and without any consideration as to what that might mean, I fired away. I should tell you that what inspired this latest cry for help was an e-mail I received from Michelle. It wasn't so much a personal, heartfelt message as it was a group e-mail telling each person how much they owed for the presents that were purchased for a birthday party last week. My contribution added up to $50 apparently, which stung at first, but then I realized that it was a small price to pay to not feel guilty about blowing them off. Still, when you're mad at someone and the first thing you hear from them in a week is, "Hey, you owe $50," that's not helping things.

I talk Shirley's ear off for about an hour and she helps as much as she can, but it's obvious that I'm stuck in one of those loops where as soon as we finish talking about one thing, I start complaining about something we already discussed ten minutes ago. I hate when people do that. I hate when I do that. I wished Shirley good night and then continued a conversation I'd started with Tanya, The Ice Queen.

Normally, I would never go to her for personal stuff, but again, I was losing it and I thought it would help to talk to someone who was familiar with both parties. Most surprisingly, was how sympathetic she was to my plight. In fact, when I asked her what she thought I should do, she said that I shouldn't call back and that I should wait her out. I couldn't help but laugh. For the first couple of years of university, I have been running to Michelle every time I had a problem with Tanya and now, there I was talking to Tanya about Michelle. Wild. It definitely settled me down and by the end, I was reminded that despite all the things I say about her, she should be and is a friend of mine.

* Wednesday afternoon, things got out of control. I decided to look for Chris in the Sidney Smith study area so I could give him the money for the presents. Instead, I find Tanya, Ping and, yes, Michelle. My first instinct was to turn back, find Chris and give him the money directly. But I knew I could give it to Tanya and she'd take care of it and...and I wanted to see if Michelle even knew that I was mad. I walk up to them, I say "Hello Tanya, hello Ping. Happy belated birthday." I look at Michelle for maybe a half second. I give Tanya the money and then, like Batman, I'm gone. I walk off. I don't look back once, which is a lot tougher than I expected it to be. I'm not gonna lie. I wanted her to come after me. I wanted her to run out in the cold and grab me by the arm and say, "What's wrong?" She did no such thing. I was PISSED. Will was there with me. Our conversation for the next hour went something like this:

Will: What was that about?
Me: How could she not notice I was mad? Did she not notice? How could she not notice?
Will: Yeah...where do you want to eat?
Me: How could she not notice? What the f...that was an obvious snub. How could she not notice?
Will: Did you read the latest issue of Infinite Crisis?
Me: HOW COULD SHE NOT NOTICE?!?

Lather, rinse and repeat. I don't even know why I did it. I swear I've never, ever intentionally snubbed anyone before in my life. To do it to such a close friend was absurd. I don't know what I was doing.

*****

By the time Thursday rolled around, I was a wreck. I was genuinely contemplating never speaking to her again. I figured that if she didn't call, she didn't care and if she didn't care, I could easily feel the same way. But I got to thinking, if this friendship really means that much to me and if I'm so in the right, then what do I have to lose by calling her? Why was I pretending that I had pride that needed to be swallowed? I'm too dumb to be proud. I called her from work. I did the whole "speaking about the problem in the third person asking her for advice" thing. I told her how my friend was driving me crazy because she isn't calling me and everyone I talk to says that she should screw off and I essentially said everything to her that I wrote on this website. I capped it off by asking her, "What would you do?" She asks me if there's a chance that I can forget about it and forgive this person. I get even more upset. I'm outside of a Timothy's, barking into my cell phone and waving my arms frantically. I'm not yelling, but I'm speaking in a clearly aggravated tone and by the end of the conversation, nothing is resolved. We agree to meet on Monday. "I can't leave you like this," she says. "There isn't much we can do about that now," I say.

She tells me that she was scared to call me, because she knew I'd be mad. Scared? Of me? The only reason I was mad was because she didn't call! Hell, I'm the one who was scared. I was scared that I would talk to her and my fear that we had drifted apart would be realized. I didn't want to have to deal with that. The only good thing that came out of the conversation was my discovery that my snub really hurt her. That made me feel good. However, then I felt bad about feeling good. I felt like Gob when he got the baseball glove from Sitwell. It was confusing.

I couldn't wait for Monday to come. Neither could she. When I get home, there's an e-mail from her waiting for me.

To be honest with you, this whole ordeal has really gotten to me...I just hate talking on the phone...Had you not called today, I would never have called you...If your intention was to hurt me, mission accomplished...And to those bitches who said to drop me. FUCK THEM...The only people that can fix this type of stuff between you and me, is YOU and ME. (That's the gist of it)

Then an msn message asking if I'm home. I ask her if she wants to talk right now and she tells me she does. Reluctantly, I decide to call, realizing what a pain in the ass it is for her to talk on the phone. The gesture is not lost on me. We talk for a while. She tells me that she was talking to her boyfriend about it, crying about it. I am a fool. How could I do this? Why would I want someone I care about to feel like this? She reminds me of a time when I was supposed to meet up with her and I made alternate plans. Not to make a point or anything, but just as a matter of fact. I confess that I thought we'd be spending more time together this year, and she says that on that last day we hung out, that perfect day, she thought the exact same thing. I tell her she doesn't have to say that, but in my head I'm glad that she did. She says that she was worried because this wasn't the first time that she'd lost a friendship due to negligence. I assure her that we would still be friends, I just would never have spoken to her again. We laugh and after all the heavy stuff is out of the way, we're back joking around and making plans to get together. We even joke about the snubbing. I tell her that I'd never done it before and I ask her if it was effective and she says that it was. I apologize again. In the end, we decide she's going to work on maintaining her friendships and I'm going to work on not being such a spaz/drama queen/vagina.

I still can't believe she cried about it. Now that it's over, I can't believe we even fought for a second. I suppose that's how a fight should end between friends. With a mixture of disbelief and relief. I don't take back any of the stuff I wrote though. I was freaking. Mostly because her and I have rarely had even the slightest disagreement, so to suddenly be genuinely mad at her, even over a minor incident, was bizarre. I didn't know how to deal with it. I figured I could do it on my own, like I usually do, but that was foolish and selfish. I forgot that there was another person involved and worse, how important that person is to my existence. I love Michelle, and after this I feel more confident about that than ever.

Anger is exhausting. Forgiveness is hard. I can't wait for Monday to come.

She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She didn't even know I was at the party.
Oh my God.
Great story, huh?
That girl was vile to you.
Interesting post script to that story - you know who wound up with Brad in that dark bedroom?
Your mother?
Alan Harris.
Chess team Alan Harris?
The two moved to Idaho shortly after graduation. They raise sheep.
That's frightening.
Takes different strokes to move the world.
In light of this, I don't see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.

2/11/2006 07:02:00 AM | Comments (0)

So a family walks into a talent agency...

I'm kicking things off with the obligatory link! Oh, the Japanese are so crazy!

*****

I watched the movie The Aristocrats the other day. It's a documentary. I know, it sounds art-house already. But really, it's a documentary about a joke. More specifically, the dirtiest and foulest and most obscene joke, told primarily in comic circles. As I understand it, comedians love this joke because they're desensitized to what the urban mob considers humour. To them, the nasal passage is too slow an entry point for their narcotic. They need the hard stuff. They need a syringe of The Aristocrats.

What makes a joke funny? Why do people laugh? In my second year Ancient Humour class, I learned just enough about the subject to carelessly throw around fancy-pants terms, like schadenfreude and Kant's incongruity theory, in order to impress chicks. And let me tell you, whenever I go to a party, I make sure to engage in a conversation that analyzes why laughter is a tool the collective subconscious utilizes to advocate social discipline. Unfortunately, my superlative knowledge doesn't arouse in attractive ladies the need to throw down with me right beside the keg and roll around the beer-soaked kitchen floor in a Bacchian orgy of primal urges. I know. It's hard to believe that such a tactic would fail. Life is just one big mystery.

Umm...

I think what I'm trying to say with this needlessly self-fellating anecdote is that I enjoy the downright pretentious act of deconstructing humour. It fascinates me to no end. Although I can't say The Aristocrats led me to a higher state of enlightenment, it has a whole gaggle of comedians trying to explain why a shaggy dog story with an admittedly horrid punchline is beloved among the humour elite. And rest assured, they don't use sophomoric college paper vernacular. They speak like human beings who are able to function normally in society.

It's a little long at times, but it's still worth a watch. And letting me personally discover the "funniest woman in America" (oft misquoted from Rolling Stone), Sarah Silverman? That was just icing.

Hot, sexy icing.

I beseech you to check out some of her multimedia video clips. They're fun.

*****

I don't know if you have heard of Facebook. Since I was hit by a bout of insomnia, I decided to do some journalistic reporting and look into what all the fuss was about. Facebook is one of those sites that you swear is a hop, step, and jump away from being a dating site. On this website, users add their university friends to lists that are proudly displayed on their profiles. And by "friends", I mean "real life friends". And, in some causes, "acquaintances". And "that creepy guy you've never talked to before who really enjoys bragging about the 976 Facebook friends he has". I don't pretend to understand this Pokémon-esque mentality of artificially padding one's friends list. No doubt, it has to do with the fact that the size of a user's friends list statistically correlates with the size of his/her penis. It's just science. You can't argue with that.

The keen investigator that I am, I explored the mystery of Facebook in a most constructive manner: searching up a few names, scrolling through the photos of their friends, and clicking on all the hot chicks. The futility of this exercise prompted me to muse about the site itself. What is the point (of life, and to be more contextually relevant, this site)? From what I can tell, Facebook has two functions:

1) In my humble opinion, the internet's sole purpose is to facilitate the wasting of time. Some may argue with me, citing pornography as the interweb's primary objective. That's fine; I invite such academic dialogue with open arms. But for the sake of argument, let's assume that the internet's sole purpose is to facilitate the wasting of time. Now let's consider Facebook. This website's sole purpose, as far as I can tell, is to facilitate the internet's facilitation of wasting time. It's like a Japanese vehicle. They didn't invent the car. They just made it more efficient.

Like how that came full circle? No? Alright.

2) Facebook's second, and arguably ultimate function, is to remind me that, even at Queen's University, I am a loser. Message received, Facebook. Message received.

In the end, my near rock-bottom self esteem couldn't take such cold, inhuman castigation from a nearly monochromatic site. I deactivated my account post-haste.

*****

I realize that it would be a shame to conclude a post on such a low note. Therefore, I leave you with an inspirational quip from Sarah Silverman:

When God gives you AIDS... make lemonAIDS.

2/10/2006 12:59:00 AM | Comments (0)

I got one of those "funny" email forwards today...and all I can say is HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

It is no myth. Surely this leporine deity is the destroyer of worlds, the mighty rock upon which humankind's crest will crash upon. Surely his magnificent fur coat foretells the coming of Fimbulwinter - the cold winter thrice successful - and the coming of the age of war, when brother will turn against brother, and cruel Fenris will finally tear free of his bonds and devour mighty Odin.

However, the Korbinite Beta Ray Bill will be spent back to Midgard as a witness to Ragnarok by the newly Odinforce infused Thor, and will immediately feature in a mediocre-at-best six issue miniseries written by Mike Oeming, which ends when his soul is bound to a dead negro hobo in New York City, and Spider-Man makes an appearance for absolutely no reason. (The sad thing is that you think I'm making this up.)

A quick Googlin' reveals what I believe is the original news article though I'm mainly just guessing since I can't seem to find that exact picture anywhere on the site and it looks a heck of a lot bigger in the first picture. It's a seven month old news article about an abandoned rabbit named Henrietta (?), but check out this bit at the end...

Christine Paradine said: "We can't understand why her old owner didn't claim her. She was well fed and obviously not neglected."

IT'S BECAUSE SHE FUCKING ATE HIM YOU IDIOTS.

In other news, the town of Torquay in South Devon has been found completely abandoned. Investigators are baffled by the appearance of giant-sized rabbit droppings containing human remains, but are confident that this is an unrelated, naturally occurring phenomenon. Head investigator Gobo, a muppet from Fraggle Rock, hopes to discover the reasons explaining the disappearance of the population of Torquay by conducting a series of visual surveys around the town from his automobile.

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

And now to end this insane post with a random IMDB quote from everyone's favourite classic Watership Down.

Long ago, the great Frith made the world. He made all the stars, and the Earth lived among the stars. He made all the animals and birds, and at first, he made them all the same. Now, among the animals in these days was El-Ahrairah, the prince of rabbits. He had many friends, and they all ate grass together. But after a time, the rabbits wandered everywhere, multiplying and eating as they went. Then Frith said to El-Ahrairah, 'Prince Rabbit, if you cannot control your people, I shall find ways to control them.' But El-Ahrairah would not listen. He said to Frith, 'My people are the strongest in the world.' This angered Frith, and he determined to get the better of El-Ahrairah. And so, he gave a present to every animal and bird, making each one different from the rest. When the fox came, and others, like the dog, and cat, hawk, and weasel, to each of them, Frith gave a fierce desire to hunt and kill the children of El-Ahrairah.

2/09/2006 03:45:00 PM | Comments (0)

In theatres, February 10...The WAMBAG: The Movie.

2/07/2006 07:39:00 PM | Comments (0)

Two quick links + rambling!

ONE! This is another half-formed concept in my head that someone else fully-formed and excuted before I could. Except my idea was to possibly keep the questions the same but rotate the expert (a ninja would have been one of them), and do a series of them.

Though I admit that while the basic concept is solid, it can only get you so far. The rest lies on the writing and the principle talent, which in this case are both better than what I have access to, so I can't feel bad about someone stealing my idea out of my head it in this case. It's done better than I could ever hope to do, so it doesn't feel like a waste. Also, none of my ideas ever survive long enough to make it to the shores of the Island of Long Term Memory, and even if they did, there's no way to get off the island and travel across the unforgiving Sea of Laziness that surrounds it.

There's nine installments so far and it gets better and more polished each time (ie. you can see his through his mask in the earlier ones, the hand motions are more pronounced, the writing gets sharper, the pacing gets better with improved camera angle selection, etc.) so I just linked to the best/last one, and you can go look up the rest yourselves. Ask A Ninja! The excellent theme song is also an asset I could never match. And his voice is awesome, whereas I sound like a homosexual llama.

That last bit at the end with the half cutted HI-YAH also slays me.

This stuff is the kind to shoot for though - standard premise so the need for repeating bouts of creativity are minimized, and the brevity of the sequences means you can make do with only one or two good ideas and just fluff it out. If you keep it short, you don't need to write as much, your ideas don't need to carry as much, and your committment and associated setup and execution times are also minimized. That's the idea behind Awesometown, right?

TWO! There's a couple of chuckles throughout, but the overall hilarity reaches mid-level at best. As a posted link it has medicore value, but it's real value is as something to shoot for. There's things to learn from this. All that's needed is a very general idea that's just an excuse to string together a bunch of gags. And if it's supposed to be campy, then the acting will be exempt from judgement. I don't even really know if it's supposed to be definitively "campy" or if it's just bad acting, but that's the point - you can't really tell! Also, solid sound effects and soundtracks make medicore films good and make good ones great - which we learned from Awesometown as well.

The campy nature of Yellow Fever is also a neat contrast to Fear of Girls, which is just done so much...better...in every way.

And I'll tell ya, I'm sorry ladies - but your hump and lovely lady lumps will always take a backseat TO THE GLOWING ESSENCE OF THE TIGER PRINCESS LADY OF GOLDEN PAW.

2/07/2006 03:17:00 AM | Comments (0)

I haven't updated in a couple of days, and I apologize. A blog should never go 48 hours without an update. Anyway, here's a Choking Yak's Provoking Facts I've had saved in notepad for the last couple of days, but I've been too lazy to post.

- Remember Shining? Well, I give you Brokeback to the Future. You may now disregard the rest of this post.

- I was driving down the highway to school last week, and I found myself in an unexpected mini-traffic jam. Cars weren't actually jammed, but it was pretty congested due to heavy volume, and I didn't want to be late for my tutorial. At some point, I found myself following directly behind an empty car carrier. You don't know how proud I was when I managed to muster up all the willpower I had to resist flooring it and using the ramp to jump over a big chunk of traffic, Gone In 60 Seconds style.

- Commercial! That look on his face at the end is just too good. Delicious, you could say.

- I joined a baseball fantasy league today. The draft is set for March 22, 45 days away. I don't deserve to live.

- Bought a pack of donuts from the supermarket. And apparently donuts can expire. I had no idea. I realized this when I discovered the half eaten donut I held in my had was covered in spots of what appeared to be tiny green dust bunnies, after I had already scarfed down two of them not ten seconds earlier. And for the rest of the day, I couldn't shake the feeling that the roof of my mouth was really itchy. Like when you see a particularly nasty Fear Factor or Survivor challenge, and you feel like your skin is crawling. That's how I felt. I just really hope I was imagining it, and the roof of my mouthing wasn't actually crawling.

- I really like Tim Hurton's apple fritters. ...well, I don't really know if I can say that in a general sense. I'm just really liking this one right now.

- There's supposed to be some preview clips for Chappelle's Show here, but it's not working for me, so I had to find a bootlegged one. Topical humour, just another excuse for him to show off how many people he knows...but good is good.

- Check out this new and hilarious song about cupcakes! OMG LOLLERSKATEZ LMAO BBQ ERA 3PT% WWII KBYETHX!!! Anyway. Parns' mad flow - while surprising - was not unprecedented. Check out this old Weekend Updates where he flexes some rhymin' muscle. I guess this would be the equilvalent of watching some old college basketball videos of Michael Jordan at North Carolina, after just seeing his game winner in Game 6 against Utah.

May 11th, 2002 - Kristen Dunst
February 15th, 2003 - Jennifer Garner
March 19th, 2005 - Ashton Kutcher

Chris Parnell, without exaggeration, is seriously a better emcee than at least 80% of the rappers in the popular music industry today.

- I remember having a conversation with a guy in Grade 9 about how I didn't have enough willpower to resist buying pop from the vending machines at school for $1.75. He laughed and remarked at how it was ironic, on account of my name. Like it was a pun. Which pissed me off, because I don't accidentally make puns. When I make a pun, I'm damn well aware I made it. And everyone in earshot will be aware as well. Puns are tools to me. I use them, and I use them well. I'm better than that amateur bullshit. And that's not even a pun. He had to reference my name completely out of context, and drag it into the conversation to make it work. And I'm not a complete expert in punology, but I'm pretty sure that citing one of the two pun sources as nothing other than the name of the person that spoke, is a huge stretch. That's also completely ignoring the fact that there's not even anyone named "Will" or "Power" that posts here (...). I forget his name...I just know it was a really white name. Chris...uh...McAllison...McAlliston, McAllister, McAllistern, McWhiteyWhiteWhite...I don't quite remember. I just hope he's dead.

- And finally, for no reason at all, SHOOOOCK!!!

What's the matter? You come to fight a madman, and instead find a GOD?

Do you still refuse to accept my godhood? KEEP YOUR GOD! In fact, now may be a good time to pray to him!

FOR I BEHELD SATAN AS HE CAME DOWN FROM HEAVEN!!!

LIKE LIIIIIGHTNIIIIIING!!!

2/05/2006 03:58:00 AM | Comments (0)