Choking Yak
It's Not A Lie If You Believe It
This post is about cake. Or at least a part of it is about cake. Or more accurately, portions of this post mention - specifically - cake.
But first - what is the deal with people dressing up for work on Halloween? I can understand a low effort witch hat or a Jack Sparrow wig, okay, have some fun at work, yeah. But paper mache decorations for your team's work area and putting on green face paint and dressing up like Shrek's wife? Save that for after work, please. Look dumb on your own time. Why go through so much effort to voluntarily make yourself look like that? Don't you people owe me intake sizing numbers? This is what you're spending your time on instead?
Halloween doesn't belong in the office. It belongs in schools, where kids are. Or in clubs, colleges, or Toys 'R Us, where the hot slutty women are.
Moving on.
We had a bit of a lunch party and some leftover food and cake was placed out in an open common area for sharing, as per usual office practice. I decided to have piece of cake with my coffee, but there were no plastic forks left. Since no one was around, I just decided to grab a slice with my bare hands. This seemed like a great idea at the time, and in hindsight I still have no regrets. However, I had somewhat underestimated the moistness of the cake and the thoroughness of the slice job, and the piece of cake I grabbed just did not come off from the whole as smoothly or cohesively as I had hoped. I essentially just grabbed a handful of cake and ran away before anyone could see me. You can even still clearly see the finger gouges I left in the mess of a cake that remains. (You will never truly realize how oily cake is until you have it on your fingers. I used to think it was just like...bread, with icing on it. Not the case.) Now this entire cake is ruined for everyone else.
To appease the balance of cosmic karma, I will now share with you these amusing birthday cakes I found on the internet. Surely these are analogous actions, are they not?
- This is just such a great idea to me, a Castle Greyskull cake. It's pretty simple and unambitious since I guess this one was actually designed more to be food than it was designed to be a piece of edible cake art...but it's still pretty awesome. Almost as awesome as this tentacle hentai cake. Which in turn is about 1/10th the awesomeness of this Super Mario Kart/Galaxy wedding cake. I'm a little bummed that there's no post-pictures of the eating of that cake. That would really be interesting to me to see how it could be done, you know, like logistically. It doesn't look all that structurally balanced to me.
- And now, Meat Hand.
- In a shockingly ironic development, the FDA has issued a warning that your Life Alert necklace could strangle you to death.
- If I actually lived in San Francisco, I might not be totally happy about Governor Ahnuld writing a "FUCK YOU" letter to California State Assembly member Tom Ammiano and his girlie man construction funding bill. Although if I lived in a city like San Francisco, I would likely quickly find something else to make me happy again. I also just find it difficult to believe how mad such an exorbitantly gay city could legitimately be at anything. As it stands, it's just hilarious to me. Don't tread in the shadow of the Styrian Oak.
- In a bit of sad news, Nicholas Cage's father is dead. I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honour.
- Recently deceased (via FBI shooting) Detroit Muslim mosque leader, and suspected terrorist Luqman Ameen Abdullah looks disturbingly like David Chappelle. That's it.
- This doesn't even need to be Halloween related, I just think this Captain America hoodie is pretty awesome. $60 for a hoodie seems pretty ridiculous...until you consider that you can never put a price on freedom. Furthermore, This is probably the best t-shirt I've seen in recent history, or at the very least it's certainly my favourite. (Although I really like this one as well.) The tragedy here of course is that I'm a pretty crappy amateur web developer and no one I know would understand it. And yet I've posted it anyway, really only for myself. Careful observation of the availability chart will also show that a lot more Medium shirts have sold compared to the Small shirts. This amuses me.
Now I'm going to grab some more cake.
And at the city bank we will meet accidentally
We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen
Choking Yak
If You're Good At Something, Never Do It For Free
I'm taking a quick break to throw up these links, and then it's back to having my ass kicked at work. Damn my bosses for luring me into a false sense of laziness with no real significant activities to do but pointless Wikipedia browsing for half a year, and then suddenly dumping actual things to do in my lap! This is an outrage! Must I be forced to actually earn my paycheque? What's this world coming to!?!
- This is just an utterly fantastic Batman impression. I guarantee you it was 100% all Dad's idea, who fittingly remains behind the camera to direct his vision all throughout. I know Heath Ledger's Joker was universally praised, legitimately awesome, and won him an Oscar...but I think it's Christian Bale's Batman voice that gives me the most joy, the one aspect of this movie franchise that will stay with me the longest.
- We Were Once A Fairytale is the latest Spike Jonze/Kanye West video (they had co-directed the video for Flashing Lights together) that's going around, infecting the world like some sort of awesome new strain of super virulent herpes. I have to say...for all the talk out there condemning his public cries for attention, we sure don't seem to be able to stop giving it him. If there's one thing everyone can agree on about Kanye, it's that it's very difficult to stay ambivalent towards him.
It's also hard to deny that Spike Jonze is still very good at making us all trip balls.
I have no idea how long this particular copy of the video will stay up, as it looks like they're being taken down all over for some reason. So check it out if you can, and just pretend you did if you can't - I don't have time to find updated links for you if you miss them. Who do you think I am, like your Internet Mom or something? Google it yourself, kid!
- Case in point...I have absolutely no idea whether or not this link for the What Up With That? skit on SNL is still good, but I'm posting it anyway! It is an actual live, non-digital skit that doesn't prominently feature Fred Armisen, Will Forte, or Andy Samberg...and is funny. What up with that? These are usually my favourites - the ones where you can see coming right from the beginning...and yet remain helpless to resist when it eventually does arrive.
"It's MY HEAD, Swartz, and I'll see you in court!"
"And who's to say I won't be seeing what YOU'RE seeing...in court?"
Choking Yak
A Random October Post
Demon's Souls is killing me right now. I don't think I've been this obsessed over a game in months, ever since I created my own player for MLB 09: The Show (and got lazy and stopped playing after he signed his first big multi-million dollar contract with the A's). My day is spent just counting down the hours until I can get raped by this game again...which has now become something I am perversely accustomed to enjoy. Just click the damn links.
- I'm not sure whether this softball team shirt is awesome or stupid. Seems like there's too many threads going on at once, like they just threw in all the different ingredients they could think of with no regard to how they would mix together. ...although I think that's how you make good stew, so who knows, maybe it is legitimately funny. And I think all the actual softball uniforms I have still have more of a trying-too-hard vibe than even this, so who am I to say anything to anyone?
- I think if I had this bacon wallet, it'd make me want to eat the money I kept inside it. The inherent problem with this product is that if I wanted to keep an actual strip of bacon in my wallet, I would never be able to find it. You know, on account of the camouflage.
- What if I told you I had a whole collection of amusing sketches decorated with the bodies of dead flies? Would that be something you'd be interested in? Also, because we are the internet's top authority for all fly-related links...scientists in the new exciting field of optogenetics have now figured out a way to modify brains of fruit flies to create fear and false memories of pain. Which sounds both amazingly awesome and scary all at the same time. Weapon X type false memory implants are only just around the corner!
- They say that this man is really drunk, but I question whether it's really all from alcohol. I just find it difficult to believe someone getting this messed up and still being able to stay conscious. Though I suppose it's possible if you blitzed yourself with hard liquor. Or maybe he's just one of those people that don't throw up from drinking, and have to suffer the full effects of their binge drinking for the entire night. Also, after he falls down, he spends four entire minutes struggling to get up. That is nothing short of inspirational. The amount of perserverence and effort required...it's mind boggling. If I was even half as drunk, I'd just end up passing out on the ground after one or two tries. Other questions...is that daylight outside? Is the clock acccurate and displaying 10:40something in the AM? Also, how did he arrive there? Unless he just started drinking right next door it's hard to imagine him covering any distance in the state he's in. Does he live uphill?
- Is this creepy skeleton samurai controller awesome or what? The eyes light up and you can remove the mask! And it costs about half as much as a normal PS3 controller? ...what's the catch?
The Frogurt is also cursed.
Choking Yak
Now...Somewhere...Somehow...Someone's...Gonna Pay
Over two weeks without a post? Not a problem, because this one was worth the wait.
I couldn't water this one down by bundling it up with the usual assortment of irrelevant links this time. This time, I felt obligated to pass this on to the entire world as fast as I could. (And also so that no one else would beat me to it and steal my finder's credit.) I just sent an email to my company's entire distribution list with the subject line "!!! IMPORTANT NEWS ABOUT YOUR JOB !!!" which contained nothing else but this link's URL.
Today, we celebrate the world's first look at The Expendables
At one point this was only known to me as an internet legend, spoken in hushed tones...an idea so ridiculous on paper that they swore it could never been done. If you've never heard of it up until this point, then I hope you enjoy your discovery.
Reportedly this is just a promo for the movie, and not a straight trailer. Apparently promos are longer and much sloppier, just a mishmash of cuts from the movie, unlike the edited slick goodness of a proper movie trailer. Which makes sense - I was wondering where the voiceover was. Like "They are the world's best...they break all the rules...they take the missions that no man can survive...they are...The Expendables." My anticipation for even just the actual TRAILER of this movie exceeds the anticipation I usually have for actual whole movies.
(Kind of like how people were buying tickets for Meet Joe Black just to watch the trailer for Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Oh, 1999...what a crazy time that was.)
God, this is so great. I'm at a total loss for words about this movie...it's just...so awesome. My concept of time has now just reduced to counting down to August 20, 2010.
Bonzai, mofo.
MaxSnax
X Gon' Give It To Ya'
In case you guys haven't heard about this.
I actually read through all 7 pages of this post...I love the internet.
It's not a fucking game! WHAT!